【Team 18】08年6月【第三周】作业&修改贴
[u][size=4]【TEAM 18】 第四次活动 2008年6月18日 星期三布置[color=red][/color][/size][/u][size=4][color=red][/color][/size]
[size=4][color=red][b]感谢所有组员的大力支持，请认真、按时地完成本次作业！[/b][/color][/size]
[b][size=4][color=#ff0000]各位组员请按要求修改自己负责的对子[/color][/size][/b]
[b][size=4][color=#ff0000]要求：[/color][/size][/b]
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[color=darkorchid]题目 【185】No。132[/color]
[color=darkorchid][/color][color=#9932cc]If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.[/color]
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[color=darkorange][size=4][size=10.5pt]1-请在开头注明修改的对象如： XXX 修改 XXXX[/size][/size]
[/color][size=4][color=#ff0000][color=darkorange][size=10.5pt]2-将修改内容写于括号里面[/size][/color][size=10.5pt]（红色）[/size][color=darkorange][size=10.5pt]表示错误或疑问，[/size][/color][size=10.5pt][color=blue]（[/color][color=blue]蓝色）[/color][color=#ff6600]表示建议[/color][color=darkorange]，[/color][/size][color=seagreen][size=10.5pt]([/size][size=10.5pt]绿色[/size][size=10.5pt])[/size][/color][/color][color=darkorange][size=10.5pt]表示值得学习的句子。[/size][/color][/size]
[color=darkorange][size=4][size=10.5pt]3-可现在word修改好，调好颜色，再直接复制粘贴到回帖中[/size][/size]
[size=4][size=10.5pt]4-每位修改人员都要在结尾写出总结，这个总结是针对全文结构和逻辑的总体评价（比如分论点的合理性，以及分论点对中心论点的支撑力度等等）[/size][/size][/color]
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[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b]修改对子：
[size=3]asmodeusjj 互改 缥缈海天间[/size][/b][/font][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3][/size][/b][/font][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3]bonbonhu 互改 sheepsally [/size][/b]
[size=3][/size][/font][/font][font=宋体][font=Helvetica][size=3][b]天涯履痕 互改 scofield131[/b][/size][/font][/font]
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[size=3][b]nozyr 互改 [/b][/size][size=4][size=3][b]开心番薯[/b][/size][/size]
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[b][size=3][/size][/b][/font][/font][font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3]说明：[/size][/b]
[b][size=3]1-从本次作业起，按周发布帖子，也就是一周的作业和修改都集中在一个帖子中[/size][/b][b][size=3] [/size][/b]
[size=4][b][size=3]2-请各位组员按照格式将作业以跟贴的形式在本帖发布[/size][/b][/size][/font][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3][color=red]3-此后的提纲也要用英文写[/color][/size][/b][/font][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3][color=red]4-从下次作业起，为了避免每次作业出题者的片面和主观，改为大家轮流出题[/color][/size][/b]
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[/font][size=4][b][size=3][font=Helvetica][color=red]AssignmentDeadline：June 19th. 2008（Tur.）12：00PM[/color][/font][/size][/b][/size][/font]
[b][size=3][color=#ff0000]AmandementDeadine：June 20th. 2008（Fri.）12：00PM[/color][/size][/b]
[b][size=3][color=#ff0000]NextAssignment：June 20th. 2008（Fri.）10:00 AM[/color][/size][/b]
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[u]【TEAM 18】 第三次活动 2008年6月16日 星期一布置[/u][size=4][color=red][/color][/size]
[color=darkorchid]题目 【185】No。101[/color]
[color=darkorchid]Some people like doing wwork by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/color]
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[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b]修改对子：
[size=3]asmodeusjj 互改 scofield131[/size][/b]
[/font][/font][font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3]bonbonhu 互改 nozyr[/size][/b]
[/font][/font][font=宋体][font=Helvetica][size=3][b]缥缈海天间 互改 sheepsally[/b][/size][/font][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica][size=3][b]天涯履痕 互改 [/b][/size][size=4][size=3][b]开心番薯[/b][/size][/size]
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[/font][/font][font=宋体][size=4][b][size=3][font=Helvetica][color=red]Deadline：2008年6月17（星期二）上午10：00[/color][/font][/size][/b]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 asmodeusjj 于 2008-6-18 10:45 编辑 [/i]] 缥缈海天间
中文提纲：机器干活
使用机器的效率高： 节省时间用于提高产品质量 应用电脑ＣＡＤ建筑制图
使用机器的安全性：在高温环境等不利条件下， 做在电脑前操控机器人；
使用机器的花费低并有利于产品的普及；
发散： 个人擅长机器；时代要求；
Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
When it comes to doing work by hand or by machines. Some prefer to doing work by hand, they allege that appliances made by hand are more delicate. On the contrary, some incline to use machines. As far as I am concerned, though the advantages work ing by hands bring, they can not compete with the advantages of working by machines when the efficiency, the safety and the low cost of using machines taken into account. And I definitely fall into the latter category.
One chief reason why I prefer to using machines has to do with the efficiency of machines. Admittedly, work by hand provides delicate appliances, such as the brand of Benz, However, it is a time consuming work. It may cost a year or two to finish a Benz brand. In contrast, by using machines, it impossible to finish it less than five hours, consequently, we can save a lot of precious time which can be used to contemplate how to improve the quality of the products, so it is impossible to produce delicate appliances can compete with those produce by hands work. Another example relevant to my personal experience, I use computer to design buildings, and have to draw a lot of figures, sometimes I have to change the original plan to meet the demands of the investors to ensure the plan is the best; thus, it is easy to change the figures by using computer. On the other hand, if draw by hand, it is a boring work and cost a lot of time.
Another compelling reason contribute to my preference is the fact that some of dangerous works can be done with machines without periling lives of the workers. For example, when confront the cite investigation under high temperature and low visibility, it is safe to operate a machine robot to conduct the works, and all we have to do is sitting in front of a computer and operate the robot without experiencing the risk under the bad condition.
Last but not least, using machines low the cost of the product and it is beneficial to prevail the products to all of the customers. It is obviously that the adoption of the machine since the industrial revolution made life easier than anytime before in the human history. We have comfortable and cheap clothes to wear, have great number of delicious and cheap ready made foods to enjoy. All of these is the results of machine works.
To sum up, while consider the high efficiency, the safety and the low cost of the using machines; I prefer to use machine to conduct my work. (439 words)
::z8 ::z8 写的偶好累啊 [size=7pt][font=Times New Roman][size=13pt][size=13pt]bonbonhu
[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]中文提纲：机器干活还是手工干活要视具体的情况而定[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]包饺子擀饺皮之类的工作还是手工做比较好，因为机器化生产出来的饺皮根本不能体现特色；[/size][/font][size=13pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]一些奢侈品，比如[/size][/font][size=13pt]Dior[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]的包包，能够奢侈的关键就在于它是手工缝制的。正因为是手工缝制，所以数量有限，而大家都知道物以稀为贵，这样才叫奢侈品。流水线机器作出来的包包，永远不可能登上奢侈品的殿堂。[/size][/font][size=13pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]生产汽车之类的工作还是机器话作业比较好。试想正是福特生产[/size][/font][size=13pt]Model T[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]时发明了流水线操作，才使得汽车能够大量生产，吹的远点，[/size][/font][size=13pt]og[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]综合口语里有一篇也说到，正式由于汽车的价格老百姓能够接受，并使汽车在全美普及，才促使了一百年前美国统一文化的形成。因为住在农村的人也可以到很远的地方去旅游，使服装、音乐、生活方式能够互相交流。如果到现在汽车还是靠一榔头一榔头的敲出来的话，美国可能到现在还是一个没有统一文化的地方。[/size][/font][size=13pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]所以，究竟是使用机器操作还是使用手工，这个要依据不同的情况而定。[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]发散： 个人擅长机器；时代要求；[/size][/font][size=13pt]
Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/size]
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[size=13pt]Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. As far as I am concerned, I think it depends whether to work by hand or use machines. The reasons why I think so go as follow.[/size]
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[size=13pt]Firstly, as we all know dumpling is the traditional Chinese food. Nowadays with the development of technology, machine-made dumpling paper is becoming cheap and available. Many housewives prefer buying machine-made dumpling paper to rolling dumpling paper because they think that machine-made dumpling paper is convenient and time-saving. But on the contrary, I like eating dumpling made with rolled dumpling paper. Hand-made dumpling paper is thick in the center and thin in the border. The taste of machine-made dumpling paper is monotonous and cannot be compared with that of hand-made dumpling paper. [/size]
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[size=13pt]Secondly, what makes luxury luxurious. It is luxury's quality and number. For example, the handmade LV handbag is so expensive that only movie stars can afford to buy it. But I believe every girl has a dream to possess a LV handbag one day. LV fans are frantic with its fabulous hand-stitch quality. You know, if these handbags are made by machines in large quantities they cannot be so delicate and eye-catching. [/size]
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[size=13pt]Last but not least, it is Henry Ford's invention of assembly line and Model T that made automobile affordable to ordinary American people and the US country on the wheels. As far as I know one hundred years ago there was no national culture in the US because the US are so big a country. Only when the cars became cheap and available to ordinary household can the Americans living in the rural areas drive to far places. By this means people in rural areas knew the clothes fashion, language styles in big cities. The availability of cars promoted the formation of national culture in the States. If cars were still made by hand nowadays, our society would be less modernized than today.[/size]
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[size=13pt]All in all, in my point of view, doing work by hand or by machine depends on the detailed kind of the work and we cannot make the judgment arbitrarily.[/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 bonbonhu 于 2008-6-16 21:57 编辑 [/i]]
scofield131 homework
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]中文提纲：两种都很重要[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]工具可以更快速的作一些工作，[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]而且可以帮助我们做一些很危险的事情，比如探索太空，[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]探测石油。[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]但是手工制品也是很重要的，比如说在时尚届，大家都需要独特的手工制作的服装等时尚用品，还有食品，自己做得好吃。[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]综上所述，[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]我们需要两种方式，[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]取决于什么状况。[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In ancient times, people used to doing work by hand before they learned to make tools to improve their ways of production, they pick fruits from trees by hands, they fight with wild animals by hands, and then they started to figure out how to do better, quicker work with less effort, and they employed machines to help them. Nowadays, we have been through steam age, industrial age, and information age, we have developed mountains of machines to help us to complete difficult jobs,. However we still can’t live without doing work by hand. So in my opinion, I will choose the most suitable way to do the work, it depends.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]At some times, we have to hire machines to complete our work for more accurate, faster, and less danger. The most familiar example is Ford company uses varieties of machines help them to products hundreds and thousands of beautiful cars, which is a much faster way than by hands. With the help of machines we can do lots of jobs with less danger. Take exploring the space as an example, we sent robot instead of man to the planet we don’t know much about, the living situation is uncertain there but we have to find out, in this kind of situation, we can avoid unnecessary loss. And another example we know is to get cruel oil, which is a really hard job, we use lots of huge machines to help us to go deeply into the bottom of the sea, or under the earth to check out whether the area is full of oil.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]We totally agree with the point that machines have bring about huge changes to our life, saving lots of time, having more production, and get us more great products. While on the other hand, some times we prefer work doing by hand, especially in fashion world. Try to imagine, who wants to wear a dress that everyone on the street having one because of the tailor’s machine can make one copy per minute? We need special dress, unique hair style, different handbags and so on, just like the saying goes ”you are in the world because you are different with any others”. We are so familiar with the highlights in the newspaper, which are about one super star wear the same dress with another, this is so embarrassing. Women are desperate to looking for the only one dress made by hand just due to the unique and careful craft. And think about food, we all enjoy the common food made by our parents, which are so delicious we can’t forget them wherever we are just because they are cooked by hands of our parents. And don’t forget, there are some contributions owe to machines like pan, toast machine and so on.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In conclusion, I love both of them, it depends on the situation. Actually, we can’t live without either. Having both of them is why we can have so happy life.[/font][/size] 天涯履痕 第三次作业
Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer。
中文提纲：我的选择视情况而定，看我做什么事情，目的是什么。
1 倾向于手工 当某件事情成为我的兴趣时，我享受这个过程，手工做出来的东西，较精致，特别。对手工的执着其实也是对传统文化的尊重， 如刺绣，
2 倾向于machine， A 快速，效率高，节省劳力 农民大块农田的收割和耕种
B 机器有强大的，手工所办不到的功能 Office软件的纠错，修改功能
3 有些工作需要手工和machine的配合才能完成 如做饭
How do you like doing work? By machine or by hand? I am afraid neither of these two approaches is suitable for all condition. Both working by machine and by hand have their strong points, so how to choose depends on the situation, that is to say, what kind work to do and what my motive is.
Products made by hand are usually more delicate and distinctive than those by machine. In contemporary times, handiwork not only is still fashionable, but also attracts more and more people and is sold at a high price. Take embroidery for example, I would like to do the needlework by hand when I plan to embroider a flower or something else on my working suit to differentiate it from other’s. Since the design and production are finished all by myself without any aid of machine, I always have a feeling of success when it comes out to be a original creation. I enjoy the process very much. In addition, more and more people pay attention to embroidery since it is a symbol of traditional culture. Preservation of embroidery work equals with respect of traditional work. Therefore, doing some work by hand is actually enjoyable and necessary.
Machine has been widely used in many fields such as industry, agriculture, business work, you name it. For one thing, machines have a higher efficiency than handiwork and can save labor and energy, which is the reason for why they are extensively applied in industry and agriculture. For example, when farmers want to reap large fields of crops, they are more inclined to a reaping machine for it can save time and energy. For another thing, machines commonly have powerful function which is not occupied by handiwork. For instance, when writing an essay, I am apt to turn to the Office software—Word on a computer for that it has the function of correcting some mistakes automatically and for that I can modify my essay arbitrarily without any track of amending. According to these reasons, machine can not be replaced by handiwork.
Actually, some work has to be done by the cooperation and machine and handiwork. Without any approach, the work can not be accomplished. Take cook for example, one are required to wash and cut up vegetables by hand and then fry or cook them in a pot on a gas-burner machine or microwave oven, and finally put the delicious dish on plates by hand. So handiwork and machine cannot be separated completely during the process of finishing a work.
In brief, both machine and handiwork have their own uses and neither of them can replace the other. We need to change our methods flexibly with the changed situation. Only in this way can we finish a work excellently. [size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Asmodeusjj [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第三次作业[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size]
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[b][b][color=darkorange][font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/size][/font][/color][/b][/b][b][font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]
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[b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中文提纲：[/size][/font][/b][size=10.5pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]部分同意：我选择[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]BOTH[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]since[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]根据所需要解决工作的不同来分[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size]
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[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]1[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）机器占优势：[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一类：人类为了提高效率的工作（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：流水线，处理数据）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二类：人类无法独自完成的工作（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：太空探索，建设工程）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第三类[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]([/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]发散[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman])[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：当机械工作花费[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]<[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]手工工作时（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：发达国家的资本密集型产业）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]2[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）手工占优势[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一类：体现手工价值的工作（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：艺术品，手工艺品）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二类：当机械工作花费[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]>[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]手工工作时（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：发达中国家的劳动力密集型产业）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第三类（发散）：额[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]…[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]修理机器的时候[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]-_-![/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]eg[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：交易所的电脑当机，）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]3[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）机器手工结合优势：[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]由于机械和手工大体上侧重的方向不同，因此结合使用，这样更有灵活性，更合理。[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]4[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）人精神上的角度：[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]用机械完成任务人们会很轻松，可以[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]focus[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]更高层次的事；手工可以让人享受到完成的过程，更有成就感。[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
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[size=3][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]结论：一颗会选择机械或是手工的大脑才是最重要的[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/size]
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[size=3][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]发散思维[/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]：[/size][/font][/size]
[font=宋体][size=3]机器：人们过度依赖机器存在的隐患：如机器的损坏，机器的使用不当；[/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][font=Gulim][size=3]As far as I am concerned, machines and hands, the most important tools used by human to [/size][/font]
[font=Gulim][size=3]accomplish various assignments from conquer nature to progress ourselves, are both instrumental. However, none of them is versatile because of the variety of works, thus, we have to choose a proper method in certain circumstance.[/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][size=3]First of all, in the view of efficiency, machines have its peerless merits. Considered these examples: Produce lines that assembled by automatic could produce goods day and night, and wile in a lab, scientists easily get an extremely complex data from a computer. These examples illustrate that machines can shorten the working hours in some works that require a lot of logical repetition and provide people with more opportunities to exposure to other complicated works. On the other hands, in the views of safety and human's inability, machines can not be replaced by hands. Human uses aircraft to get data in unknowable space before they ensure this place have proper air, pressure, temperature and so on. Thanks to machines, human realize mission that is impossible for physical efforts, so that they can understand the world better and make extraordinarily progress. Consequently, in such kind of works, human can not performance well without machines.[/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][size=3]When discussion comes to handwork, it is doubtless that handwork, such as painting, sculpture and handcraft, has its immaterial value. Although could easily finish some works by machines, sometimes, people prefer to do them by hand personally. Because of the great effort in handwork, because of the difficult process of composing them and because of its unique traits, handwork shows a feeling of humanity, succeed and ideas, all of these lack in those made by machines. As for me, I will write a letter by hand to my dear friends to show affection, and I will be happy when receive such letters as well. Though very convenient, this feeling can not be provided by a simple E-mail. Also handwork and the progress of making them is a batter way to make people closer. A father and his children will be pleasure when they cooperate to create a sandy castle. This kind of creative works means communication, when the work is done, the creators share their successful happiness and when the work is ruined they comfort each other, therefore people gradually realize that how important communication is in daily life, and with communication, our life is colorful.[/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][size=3]Finally, it is difficult to determine which method is more preferable because their difference lies respectively in different aspects, and people choose them for different purpose and situation. In most cases machines are instrumental in solving problems in work while handwork is popular in live, consequently, I come to realize that the most important thing is our brain because it makes the decision according to the maximum of our desire.
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::82 c额...写的我都枯竭了，生活缺乏激情....[/font]
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[font=Gulim][font=宋体][size=3]Asmodeusjj 改scofield131 [/size][/font][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=14.0pt]中文提纲：两种都很重要[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=14.0pt] 工具可以更快速的作一些工作， 而且可以帮助我们做一些很危险的事情，比如探索太空， 探测石油。[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=14.0pt] 但是手工制品也是很重要的，比如说在时尚届，大家都需要独特的手工制作的服装等时尚用品，还有食品，自己做得好吃。[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=14.0pt]综上所述， 我们需要两种方式，取决于什么状况。[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=12pt]In ancient times, people used to doing work([color=blue]s[/color]) by hand（[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]s[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） before they learned to make([color=blue]invent, make [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]不一定是发明工具[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) tools to improve their ways（[color=blue]ability[/color]） of production[u],（[/u][color=blue]句号吧[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt].[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） [u]([color=blue]T[/color])they pick fruits from trees by hands, they fight with wild animals by hands, and then they started to figure out how to do better, quicker work with less effort, and they [color=green]employed([/color][/u][/size][/font][u][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个动词感觉用的很好[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt])[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] machines to help them.[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] ([color=blue]这句话[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]可以整合一下：[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]After experienced the daily assignments that were done by hands such as gather fruits from trees and fight against dangerous wild animals, they come to realize that the machines are conductive, and they employed machines to help them.[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) Nowadays, we have [color=red]been[/color] （[color=red]went[/color]） through [u]steam age（[color=red]stone age 吧，石器时代[/color]）,[/u] industrial age, and information age, [u]we have（[/u][/size][/font][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]and have[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] developed [color=green]mountains of[/color] machines to help us to complete difficult jobs[color=red],[/color][color=blue](2[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]个[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]可以这样避免：[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]to help us with difficult jobs[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]).[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] However we still can’t live without doing work by hand. So in my opinion, I will choose the most suitable way to do the work,[u] it depends.[/u] [/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]([/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]it depends[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]删掉好点，这里从语法和意思上都说不通，[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]it[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]指代哪个？[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]depends[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]的对象又是哪个？[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt])
[/size][/font][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]At some times[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]（[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]Sometimes[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）, we have to [color=green]hire[/color] machines to complete our [u]work for ([color=red]for [/color][/u][/size][/font][u][font=宋体][size=12pt]后接名词[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) more accurate, faster, ([color=red],[/color][/size][/font][/u][u][font=宋体][size=12pt]号删掉[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt])and less danger（[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]for safety, efficiency and accuracy[/size][/font][/u][u]
[/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]. The most familiar example is Ford company uses varieties of machines （[color=red]to[/color]） help them to products ([color=red]s[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]去掉，[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]product[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是名词，因该用动词[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]produce[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) hundreds and thousands（[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]hundreds[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]和[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]thousands[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]只用一个就可以了，都是表示很多的意思，只是程度不同罢了[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） of beautiful cars, which is a much faster way[u] than by hands（compare with handwork）[/u]. With the help of machines we can do lots of jobs with less danger. Take[u] exploring the space[/u]（[color=red]划线部分应该为名词成分，改成[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] exploration of the space[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） as an example, we sent robot instead of man to the planet ([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]加个[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]which[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) we [u]don’t[/u]([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]考试时不能缩写[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt],[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]写成[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]do not[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) know much about,([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这里应该句号了[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt])
（[color=red]T[/color]）the living situation is uncertain there but we have to find out,([color=red],[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]要删除[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) [u]in this kind of situation[/u]（[color=blue]和主语重复了，建议：in such[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] potentially dangerous environment [/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）, ([color=red],[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]要改句号[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) （[color=red]W[/color]）we can avoid unnecessary loss （[color=blue]这句话加长：[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] Thanks to the wise robot, we can avoid unnecessary losses[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）. And another example we know ([color=blue]we have know[/color]) is to get ([color=blue]gather[/color]) cruel oil, which is a really hard ([color=blue]tough[/color]) job, ([color=red],[/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]要改句号[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) ([color=red]W[/color])we use lots of huge machines to help us to go deeply into the bottom of the sea ([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]表达有些繁冗，建议：[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]to help us with the job underneath[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt], [/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]), or under the earth to check out whether the area is full of oil.[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=12pt]We totally agree with the point that machines have bring about huge
changes to([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前面[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]bring about[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是产生的意思，这里[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]to [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]和[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]bring[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]没有关系了吧，所以用[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]in[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) our life,（[color=red]这个，又不该用在这里了[/color]）（[color=red]I[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]t can save…have…and give…[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） [u]saving lots of time, having more production[/u], （[color=red]这个，又不该用在这里了[/color]） and [u]get（[color=red]give[/color]）[/u] us more great（[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]fantastic[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） products. [u]While[/u]([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]删除[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) on the other hand, some times（[color=red]sometimes[/color]） we prefer work（[color=red]s[/color]）（[color=red]that are done[/color]） [u]doing[/u] by hand, especially in fashion world. [u]Try to imagine, who wants to wear a dress that everyone on the street having one（[color=blue]Just[/color][/u][/size][/font][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] imagine, no one wants to wear uniforms everyday, we enjoy fashion, new ideas and unique creativity[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] ）[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] [u]because of[/u] ([color=red]because of [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]后接名词，[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]because [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]后接从句，所以这里用[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]because[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) [u]the tailor’s machine can make one copy per minute? ([/u][/size][/font][u][font=宋体][size=12pt]额，这句话翻译成中文就是：没人愿意穿一件大家都有的衣服，只因为机器可以每分钟做很多件同样的衣服。这个因果关系不够准确，应该是因为机器生产的衣服同质化现象严重，而不是机器生产的多少[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt])[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] （加个连接词比较好，如[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]Consequently[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）We need special dress, [u]unique hair style[/u]([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个有点例题了，应该是从衣服的角度写，建议[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] to match different people[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]), different handbags and so on, （[color=red]这个，又不该用在这里了[/color]）([color=red]J[/color])just like the saying goes ”[color=green]you are in the world because you are different with any others[/color]([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]好句！[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt])”. We are so familiar with the highlights[u] in the newspaper[/u]（[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]in newspapers[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）, which are[u] about [/u]([color=red]about [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]系表结构[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] BE[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]动词后应该接形容词或者名词[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) one super star wear the same dress with another, this is so embarrassing.（[color=blue]建议：[/color][/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt] We are so familiar with the embarrassing moments that two super stars happen to wear the same dress[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） Women are desperate to looking ([color=red]look[/color]) for[u] the only one dress([/u][/size][/font][u][font=宋体][size=12pt]独一无二的裙子，这么表达语法有点不对，建议：[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] unique dress[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt])[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] made by hand just due to the [u]unique[/u]([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这里用名词，[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]unique[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是形容词[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) and careful craft. And [u]think about（[color=blue]consider[/color][/u][/size][/font][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]/ When it comes to[/size][/font][/u][u][font=Dotum][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][/u][font=Dotum][size=12pt] food, we all enjoy the common([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]common[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]用的不好，因为[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]common[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]表示一般，这里应该突出父母做的菜的独一无二，我想你的意思应该是家常菜的意思，但是不能简单用[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]common[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]表示家常菜[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]) food made by our parents, which are [u]so[/u] delicious （[color=red]that， so…that…[/color]）we can’t （[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]can not[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） forget them wherever we are just because they are cooked by hands of our parents. And don’t forget,（[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]逗号不要[/size][/font][font=Dotum][size=12pt]） there are some contributions owe to machines like pan, toast machine and so on.[/size][/font]
[font=Dotum][size=12pt]In conclusion, I love both of them,([color=red]and[/color]) it depends on the situation. Actually, we can’t live without either. Having both of them is why we can have so happy life.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left]
[/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]总结：[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]1、标点符号的使用不够规范[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]2、一些表达不够准确，口语化过多，单词的多样性不足[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]3、句子结构的完整性需要加强[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Dotum][size=12pt]先抑后扬：这篇文章思路很好！举例深入人心 ；）[/size][/font][/align][/align][/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 asmodeusjj 于 2008-6-17 14:55 编辑 [/i]] 101. Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
提纲：机器好
1 工作效率高，质量保证
2 人的安全有保障
3 成本更低
Nowadays, by the advancement and prevalent of the industrialization, more and more automatic machines have been produced to replace the position of human labor and designed to spur the elevation of productivity. From my point of view, in many aspects, machine would be more useful and powerful than human being, and there are several points I will demonstrate below.
First of all, machine would be more efficient and stable than that of individual. By the biological limitation of human being, it is impossible for one to work through out all day without rest and food. Moreover, by the passing of time, inevitably, it would harder and harder for worker to concentrate on their working, thus, the quality of product decrease. In contrast, such a problem won't be appeared on the machine, with little power, they could work all the time with no stop. This means that using machine would enable the factory to manufactures more product with less time.
Secondly, it would be safer to replace the people who work in dangerous condition by automatic machine, for instance, the extremely dangerous task, such as exploring the ocean bottom, taking the rock ample from the Mar, or pump the oil underground. If all this work would face human, numerous life would lost as the so-called working-accident. However, with the help of apparatus, which are much stronger, people would be able just manipulate them at relative safe places, and tragic would disappear.
Finally, compare with the power of nature, human is tiny and weak; simply with the capability of ourselves, we can do nothing with the world. Accordingly, we need the help of machinery. What’s more, compare with the cost of employing a worker, the spending on machine would be much less. Think about that, in order to have a competitive employer, the company must provide him/her standard training; help him/her be familiar about the condition. After the operation of company is on track, the employer would ask a descent payment and considerate welfare. Turn to the machine, only electric was needed, plus to occasional check and maintain, much more profit come.
In a word, in many aspects, the overwhelm merit of machine make many factory overweigh machine with human labor. Nevertheless, that doesn't means that human being have no use any longer, in opposite, the development of technology and education ensure that more and more people would accept higher level training and engage in upper position with more exert of intelligence and lower dangerous
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[/u][/u]nozyr 批改 [font=宋体][font=Helvetica][b][size=3]bonbonhu
[/size][/b][/font][/font][size=13pt]Some people likedoing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Usespecific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. As far as Iam concerned, I think it depends[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]（[/size][/font][size=13pt]on[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]）[/size][/font][u][size=13pt] whether to work by hand or use machines[/size][/u][size=13pt].[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]（我不是很明白，直接用[/size][/font][size=13pt]’itdepends’[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]就好了吧？后面这里似乎都可以省略的）[/size][/font][size=13pt] The reasons why I think so go as follow.
Firstly, as we all know dumpling is the traditional Chinese food. Nowadays withthe development of technology, machine-made [url=][u]dumplingpaper[/u][/url][/size]
[font=宋体][size=13pt]（饺子文件？我不明白什么意思啊[/size][/font][size=13pt],[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]饺子皮应该是[/size][/font][size=13pt]dumplingwrapper[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]）[/size][/font][size=13pt] is becoming cheap and available. Manyhousewives prefer[u] buying[/u][color=Red](to buy) [/color]machine-made dumpling paper to rollingdumpling paper because they think that machine-made dumpling paper isconvenient and time-saving. But on the contrary, I like eating dumpling madewith rolled dumpling paper. Hand-made dumpling paper is thick in the center andthin in the border. The taste of machine-made dumpling paper is monotonous andcannot be compared with that of hand-made dumpling paper.
Secondly, what makes luxury luxurious? It is luxury's quality and number. Forexample, the handmade LVhandbag is so expensive that only movie stars can afford to buy it. But Ibelieve every girl has a dream to possess a LV handbag one day. LV fans are frantic with its fabuloushand-stitch quality. You know, if these handbags are made by machines in largequantities they cannot be so delicate and eye-catching.
Last but not least, it is Henry Ford's invention of assembly line and Model Tthat made automobile affordable to ordinary American people and the US country onthe wheels. As far as I know one hundred years ago [u]there was no nationalculture in the US because the US are[/u][/size][u][font=宋体][size=13pt]（[/size][/font][/u][u][size=13pt]is[/size][/u][u][font=宋体][size=13pt]）[/size][/font][/u][u][size=13pt] so big a country[/size][/u][size=13pt].[/size][font=宋体][size=13pt]（逻辑不对吧？因为美国很大所以美国没有国家文化？）[/size][/font][size=13pt] Only when the cars became cheap andavailable to ordinary household can the Americans living in the rural areasdrive to far places. By this means people in rural areas knew the clothesfashion, language styles in big cities. The availability of cars promoted theformation of national culture in the States. If cars were still made by handnowadays, our society would be less modernized than today.
All in all, in my point of view, doing work by hand or by machine depends onthe detailed kind of the work and we cannot make the judgment arbitrarily.[/size]
[size=13pt]评论 1 我觉得这篇文章结构安排不对，不应该直接用3点理由这样的格式写，你应该分成两部分，一部分讲手工的好处，另一部分讲机器的好处[/size]
[size=13pt] 2 例子不是很有力，特别是机器的那个例子[/size]
[size=13pt] 3 好多地方我觉得有点怪，但是又不知道怎么改，似乎是有点chiglish的，我自己也老是这样
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[[i] 本帖最后由 nozyr 于 2008-6-18 09:23 编辑 [/i]] 晕，终于搞定了
回复 1# asmodeusjj 的帖子
中文提纲：部分同意：我选择BOTH，since根据所需要解决工作的不同来分
（1）机器占优势：
第一类：人类为了提高效率的工作（eg：流水线，处理数据）
第二类：人类无法独自完成的工作（eg：太空探索，建设工程）
第三类(发散)：当机械工作花费<手工工作时（eg：发达国家的资本密集型产业）
（2）手工占优势
第一类：体现手工价值的工作（eg：艺术品，手工艺品）
第二类：当机械工作花费>手工工作时（eg：发达中国家的劳动力密集型产业）
第三类（发散）：额…修理机器的时候-_-!（eg：交易所的电脑当机，）
（3）机器手工结合优势：
由于机械和手工大体上侧重的方向不同，因此结合使用，这样更有灵活性，更合理。
（4）人精神上的角度：
用机械完成任务人们会很轻松，可以focus更高层次的事；手工可以让人享受到完成的过程，更有成就感。
结论：一颗会选择机械或是手工的大脑才是最重要的
发散思维：
机器：人们过度依赖机器存在的隐患：如机器的损坏，机器的使用不当；
这篇文章思路非常好，而且例子很全面，自愧不如阿！！！
As far as I am concerned, 好的开头machines and hands, the most important tools used by human to accomplish various assignments from conquer conquering nature to progress ourselves, are both instrumental. However, none of them is versatile because of the variety of works , thus, we have to choose a proper method in certain circumstance.
First of all, in the view of efficiency, machines have its peerless merits. Considered ?? 怎么有这个？these examples: Produce lines that assembled by automatic could produce goods day and night, ；and wile in a lab, scientists easily get an extremely complex data from a computer. These examples illustrate that machines can shorten the working hours in some works that require a lot of logical repetition and provide people with more opportunities to exposure to other complicated works. On the other hands, in the views of safety and human's inability？？？这个词很少这样, machines can not be replaced by hands. Human uses aircraft to get data in unknowable space before they ensure this place have proper air, pressure, temperature and so on. Thanks to machines, human realize mission that is impossible for physical efforts, so that they can understand the world better and make extraordinarily progress. Consequently, in such kind of works, human can not performance ？？这里是不是要用动词？well without machines.
When discussion comes to handwork, it is doubtless that handwork, such as painting, sculpture and handcraft, has its immaterial value. Although could easily finish some works by machines, sometimes, people prefer to do them by hand personally. Because of the great effort in handwork, because of the difficult process of composing them and because of its unique traits, handwork shows a feeling of humanity, succeed and ideas, all of these lack in those made by machines. As for me, I will write a letter by hand to my dear friends to show affection, and I will be happy when receive such letters as well. Though very convenient, this feeling can not be provided by a simple E-mail. Also handwork and the progress of making them is a batter way to make people closer. A father and his children will be pleasure when they cooperate to create a sandy castle. This kind of creative works means communication, when the work is done, the creators share their successful happiness and when the work is ruined they comfort each other, therefore people gradually realize that how important communication is in daily life, and with communication, our life is colorful.
Finally, it is difficult to determine which method is more preferable because their difference lies respectively in different aspects, and people choose them for different purpose and situation. 这里是不是要用名词？In most cases machines are instrumental in solving problems in work while handwork is popular in live, consequently, I come to realize that the most important thing is our brain because it makes the decision according to the maximum of our desire. [quote]原帖由 [i]nozyr[/i] 于 2008-6-17 14:16 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=11870272&ptid=1069015][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
101. Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
提纲：机器好
1 工作效率高，质量保证
2 人的安 ... [/quote]::51 ::51 ::51 ::51 非常感谢
回复 11# nozyr 的帖子
霍霍，::z2 感谢版主亲临指导::83“少用形容词”这点版主提的很对啊，刚才去“科学美国人”这个网站看了一些科普文章，感觉形容词还真的不多，而且老美用形容词很少用来修饰程度的，而我大部分文章的形容词都是这么用::z8
[[i] 本帖最后由 asmodeusjj 于 2008-6-17 23:29 编辑 [/i]] [b][size=4]sheepsally修改缥缈海天间第三次作业[/size][/b]
[b]Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
[/b]
[color=red][u]When it comes to doing work by hand or by machines. Some prefer to doing work by hand, they allege that appliances made by hand are more delicate. On the contrary, some incline to use machines[/u].[/color] ([color=red]语法和句法都有错误，而且不够精练。[/color][color=blue]参考：The problem that whether to work by hand or by machines leads to diverse opinions. Some people prefer the fomer one, while others incline to the latter one.[/color]) [color=red][u]As far as I am concerned, though the advantages work ing by hands bring, they can not compete with the advantages of working by machines when the efficiency, the safety and the low cost of using machines taken into account. And I definitely fall into the latter category.([/u]感觉有中式思维的影子．读起来不太顺，有语法错误．[/color][color=blue]参考：As far as I am concerned, though working by hands tends to have a number of positive influences on people's lives, it is inferior to working by machines when efficiency, safety and the low cost taken into account........category的用法我也不确定，就先不帮你改)
[/color]One chief reason [u][color=red]why I prefer to using machines[/color][/u] [color=red](删掉）[/color]has to do with the [color=blue]（加上high)[/color] efficiency of machines[color=blue].(建议改成：First of all, let's talk about the superior efficiency of machines.这样前后衔接更顺）[/color] Admittedly, [color=red][u]work（working) by hand provides delicate appliances, such as the brand of Benz[/u],([/color][color=red]这里我不太明白 ．brand怎么是设备呢？我觉得写手工的作品更有个性，更精致比较好．没必要扯到appliances.)[/color]However, it is a [color=red][u]time consuming[/u](time-consuming)[/color] work. [u][color=red]It may cost a year or two to finish a Benz brand.[/color][/u] In contrast, by using machines, [u][color=red]it (加is) impossible to finish it less than five hours,[/color][/u] [color=#ff0000]（应该是不可能用超过五小时完成吧？it is impossible to take more than five hours to finish it)[/color][color=#ff0000][u] consequently
[/u]（这里要分句．Consequently)[/color], we can save [color=red][u]a lot of precious[/u](precious不需要．直接说a great mass of)[/color] time [color=red][u]which can be used to[/u](去掉）[/color] contemplate [color=red][u]how [/u]（我也不确定contemplate的用法．不过你原来那样，应该不对．[color=blue]建议改成the way[/color])[/color]to improve the quality of the products, [color=red][u]so[/u](这里要分句，therefore) [/color] it is [color=red][u]impossible[/u](逻辑不对吧，应该是likely)[/color] to produce [color=red][u]delicate appliances [/u] [/color][color=red][u]can compete with those produce by hands work[/u]（语法错误，[/color][color=blue]参考：which are superior to those produced by handiwork. )[/color]Another example [color=red](加上is)[/color] relevant to my personal experience[color=red], (这里要分句）[/color][color=red][u] I use computer to design buildings, and have to draw a lot of figures, sometimes I have to change the original plan to meet the demands of the investors to ensure the plan is the best; thus, it is easy to change the figures by using computer. On the other hand, if draw by hand, it is a boring work and cost a lot of time. [/u]（这里语言和思维都有点乱．[/color][color=blue]参考：I am a architectual designer who have to draw numerous figures and occasionally change the original ideas to meet the demands of the investors．In this case, using a computer is regarded as a more convenient way rather than working by hands.)
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[u]Another compelling reason contribute to my preference is the fact that some of dangerous works can be done with machines without periling lives of the workers.[/u][color=blue]（[color=red]论证不够有力．[/color]参考：Secondly, we come to the demonstration of safety. There is no doubt that finishing dangerous work with machines is capable of reducing the danger and sufferings of the workers themselves.) [/color]For example, when [color=red][u]confront [/u]confronting [/color]the cite investigation under high temperature and low visibility, it is [color=red][u]safe[/u](safer) [/color] [color=red](加上for people)[/color]to [color=red][u]operate a machine robot to conduct the works, and all we have to do is sitting in front of a computer and operate the robot without experiencing the risk under the bad condition. [/u](挺罗嗦，有语法错误．[color=blue]参考：sit in front of computers and operate the robots to conduct the work, instead of experiencing the risk in dreadful conditions.)
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Last but not least, using machines [color=red][u]low[/u] (reduce)[/color] the cost of [color=red][u]the product([/u]products)[/color] and it is beneficial to [color=red][u]prevai[/u]l(用法错误）[/color] the products to all of the customers. It is obviously that the adoption of [color=red][u]the machine[/u]（machines)[/color] since [color=red][u]the industrial revolution[/u][/color] [color=red](Industrial Revolution)[/color][color=red][u] made[/u](has made)[/color] life easier than [color=red][u]anytime[/u](ever) [/color]before in the human history. We have comfortable and cheap clothes to wear, have great number of delicious and cheap ready made foods to enjoy. [color=red][u]All of these is the results of machine works. [/u](语法错误，单复数不对应，还有用法错误．[/color][color=blue]参考：These all result from the usage of machines.)
[/color]To sum up,[color=red][u] while consider[/u][/color] [color=red](while用法错误．considering)[/color] the high efficiency, the safety and the low cost of [color=red][u]the[/u](去掉）[/color] using machines[color=red][u]; [/u]（，）[/color]I prefer to use machine to conduct my work. [color=red](439 words) 原本的字数似乎多了点[/color]
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[color=red][color=black]总体：１.有中国式英语的味道，这个要加油哦[/color][/color]
[color=red][color=#000000] ２.部分说法和语法错误，文章有些地方的前后衔接要更严谨[/color][/color]
[color=red][color=#000000] ３.原来字数多了点，建议最好不超过３５０．但我认为是因为你句子不够精练[/color][/color]
[color=red][color=#000000] ４.一起加油哦！！[/color]
[/color] 建议提纲也用英文。大家尽量不要中译英
回复 13# SHEEPSALLY 的帖子
sheepsally改海天兄文章有一点，“such as the brand of Benz” 这里的Benz车指手工制作的，原文的意思因该以手工BENZ为一个例子 ::16 ::16 ::16 斑竹们都来指导了 好感动阿 nozyr The forth taskMotif: auto-drive auto
skeleton: First, prevent the accident caused by weariness
Second, forestall the drunk driving
Third, save time for its owner
If I could be given a chance to create something new, I would design an auto-drive auto which is able to drive itself and could obtain and analyze the environment outside to make an appropriate judgment for its owner. With this car, I believe that the number and frequency of traffi caccident would decrease drastically, many lives would be saved and numerous tragedies would never occur.
After a long time of driving, drivers usually find that it is hard for them to concentrate and they have to spendmuch more time to react to sudden emergency, however, in many conditions, one second delay can cost one life. Under such situation, the automatic automobile would be a great help, think about that, when the driver feels tired and become tooeasy to distract, then he could ask his/her car drive for him/her, by this, they would be able to have a good rest without missing any thing.
What's more, regardless of the weariness,drunk is another major factor of accident. A recent research display a data about the accident cause by drunk driving, the list convey that over thousandspeople killed by car everyday and over half of them have been drived after drink or be killed by the drunk car. The auto-drive auto, however, can also contribute to prevent the drunk driving and keep the driver from accident when the drunk. It would operate like this, there is a detector attached in the car, and whenever the driver sit in, it would run automatically and check the situation of the driver. If the detector discover that the driver have been drunk, then the car would keep its owner away from the steering wheel and take s/he tohis/her home.
Not only be able to avoid accident triggeredby weariness and drunk, another function of the car is that it would save muchtime for its owner, as the car could drive by itself, which is safer and more stable, the time cost on the road could be arrange to finish other things or to be used in more efficient way. For example, a white collar won't complaint about that he/she has to spend too much time commute between the office and home everyday, which force them spends couples of more hours to accomplish theirtask.
In a word, the appearance of auto-drive carwould change the understanding of people about driving, driving would turn into a sports and a joyful recreation rather than a survival skill in then society. And the casualty of traffic would be cut down to a tiny fraction of it was before.
[[i] 本帖最后由 nozyr 于 2008-6-18 18:17 编辑 [/i]] [font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=sandybrown][b]sheepsally第四次作业[/b][/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=black][b]outlines: a piece of duster cloth, which is a crucial factor in gaining true happiness[/b][/color][/size][/font]
[color=black][b][font=Times New Roman][size=4] 1. the crazy desiration for fame and money, which is considered as dirts on heart, leads to the lost of true friends.[/size][/font] [/b][/color]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=black][b] 2.fame and money can not provide people with true happiness[/b][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=black][b] 3.people are likely to be mentally and physically sick with the dirts on heart[/b][/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Present-day society is characterized by the increasing desiration for fame and money. As a result, more crimes are commited and the trust among people is nearly lost. People’s hearts tend to get dirty. Therefore, if I were capable of inventing something, it would defenately be a piece of duster cloth for people’s hearts.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]The duster cloth for people’s hearts serves as a crucial element in gaining happy lives, because of three main factors. First of all, with the terrible dirt on heart, people lose true friends, who share the happiness and sadness with them and give them a hand in terrible conditions. As a result, how is it possible for them to gain happy lives? Instead, they are likely to suffer from solitude and isolation. Secondly, fame and money is incapable of poviding people with true happiness. Aristotle proposed the idea that true happiness should be something that people could obtain on their own.. However, it is inevitable that fame and money depends too much on other people. Thirdly, as far as I am concerned, people who seek for no more than fame and money are mentally sick and easily to get physical illness, because they misunderstand the meaning of life and are able to love no more than themselves. In addition, crazy pursuit of fame and money play a harmful role in people’s health. How is it possible for a mentally and physically sike person to obtain a happy life?[/size][/font]
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All of the reasons mentioned above lead to a conclusion that people undoubtly need a duster cloth to clean out their heart, to help them avoid the crazy pursuit of fame and money and regain the true happiness of life. Consequently, I would invent a piece of duster cloth for people’s hearts if it were possible.[/size][/font] [size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]outlines:
a device that can detect earthquake some days before[/font][/size]
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1. Earthquake is such a big disaster. If there were a device that can detect earthquake beforehand, the damage will be reduced significantly. [/font][/size]
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2. A lot of lives will be saved.[/font][/size]
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3. Economic damage will be reduced to the minimum.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]If I could invent something new, I would develop an earthquake forecaster. As we all know, the May 12 Earthquake in Wenchuan has taken hundreds of lives and billions of economic damage to Sichuan Province. What if an earthquake forecaster forecasts this abnormality of earth's geological activity? So I would like to invent this kind of machine.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Let's assume there is already this kind of earthquake forecaster. It would forecast an earthquake several days before the earthquake happens just like the weather forecast. So all the residents there would make preparations for the earthquake as soon as possible and leave for some faraway and safe places. In addition, some relative persons would also take the precious animal panda away to some safe places. It is reported that till now almost seventy thousand people are killed by the earthquake. What a tragedy. So many lives are not only a number but also will bring a lot of social problems as well. Large numbers of families are broken. Some husbands lost wives; a number of children became orphans; many survivors are disabled now. At the same time, the earthquake is a mental blow on many people. Some psychological advisors are designated to Sichuan Province to help the local people get out of the nightmare of earthquake and give them hope for a prosperous life in the near future.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Besides human beings, the almost extinct species pandas were endangered tremendously in the May 12 earthquake. Several national treasures are dead while the others are missing. Since The Giant Panda is an endangered species and highly threatened, an earthquake forecaster will help us remove these national treasures to safer places.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]All in all, if I have the chance to invent something, I definitely will invent an earthquake forecaster to help keep the earthquake damage to the minimum. I hope to see smile on everyone's face everyday.[/font][/size]
自己感觉地震预报仪这个东东是想的8错的，就是没有生动的东西可以写，大家尤其是sally帮偶好好看看啊。
[[i] 本帖最后由 bonbonhu 于 2008-6-19 07:10 编辑 [/i]] [font=宋体]天涯履痕[/font][font=Times New Roman] [/font][font=宋体]周三作业[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Outline: invention: a novelty turning noise into fine-sounding music or bird singing, diminishing noise’s decibel[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]1) Noise makes people feel upset and influences sleeping quality, work efficiency[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]2) Noise gives rise to some certain disease[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]If I could invent something new, I am eager to invent a novelty which could be fixed to a machine giving out noise and turn the noise into euphonious sound and reduce its decibel. The novelty could decrease noise pollution to some extent, which has influenced people’s life extremely and yet has not attracted much attention.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]To begin with, noise exceeding 50 decibel has a negative influence on sleeping and rest. Without enough rest, fatigue can not be cleared up and work efficiency is bound to decline. What is more, noise in excess of 70 decibel will disturb the conservation and cause that people can not focus their attention, which will consequently give rise to high frequency of traffic accidents. Accordingly, to prevent noise from bothering people, I would like to create a novel thing which could change noise into fine-sounding music, bird singing or other beautiful sound and which could also diminish noise’s decibel to the extent during which people’s physical and spiritual health could be affected. For example, this novelty could be fitted to grass cutters, vacuum cleaner and so forth. With its help we would never be disturbed by noise but wonderful sound would be everywhere. [/font]
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Furthermore, noise could also bring out severe disease such as heart disease and tinnitus. It was reported that 3% heart disease was caused by traffic noise in the world and hundreds of thousands of people died from disease caused by abhorrent noise. Also, tinnitus almost could result in hearing loss. And some workers in industrial factories suffered from occupational disease owing to high decibel of noise. So, if the novelty could be invented, we could avoid the disease to a certain degree. For instance, the new could be installed to horns of vehicles, converting traffic noise into fine-sounding music and reducing its decibel. In this way, disease caused by noise could be prohibited greatly. [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]With the new thing invented, city would turn to a wonderful living place from a huge noise-producing place. People would have a better living quality and their physical and spiritual health would be in a good condition. (Words: 350)[/font]
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scofield131 homework4
题目 【185】No。132If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed
中文提纲：
欧洲国家和非洲国家差距过大 欧洲国家利用粮食研究出新的能源，使得粮食价格抬高
食物是一切的基础，如果国家之间差距过大，影响和平， 导致犯罪等等很多问题。
食物是经济政治教育等的基础，吃饱了才有机会想别的
所以发明一种大幅度提过农作物产量的技术是我最想做的。
With the huge exploration of population and fast development of industrialization in the world, the discrepancy between developing countries and developed countries are becoming wider and wider, especially between western countries and African countries.
Because of great advantages over other countries, people in western countries have a greater yield of crops and other food and they exhaust mountains of food and fuel. Nowadays with the pace of the extinction of fossil fuel goes faster and faster, western countries develop new technology to get fuel from food, which make the price of food goes higher. As a result, people in African can’t afford enough food now become poorer.
If I could invent something new, I want to settle this problem down, to invent a method to improve the yield of farm products in African, let the whole world have a comfortable life without hunger. The huge divergence between countries is terrible, some regions are so rich, while some others are so poor, which will cause lots of problems, immigrant things, crimes, unfair education conditions, conflicts between countries, peoples. Take the famous scientist Longping Yuan as an example, contribute greatly to China by finding a way to feed people of one of largest population in the world.
As we all know, peace is the most important thing in the world; we have a color stand for peace, green; we have pigeons show peace. No wars, no pains. We should have more love for the poor regions, help them get out of the trouble, at least, help them feed themselves, have their own medical conditions to fight with some not so serious diseases but fatal to them.
Furthermore, economic, politic, educational, and other things are based on the basic living conditions. When people are not hungry any more, they can sit down and talk about some spiritual things. How you could imagine a person who is hungry to die would want to improve educational situation? And students who are so desperate for food don’t have time to think about their grades, all things in their mind are food instead of chemicals or others.
In conclusion, what I want to invent is a method to improve productions of African farm products. The feed thing is pivotal to the whole human being, once we are full, we no longer need to worry about whether there are something to eat next meal, we will have time to talk about other things. [size=4][font=Times New Roman][b]Asmodeusjj[/b][font=Helvetica][b]第四次作业
[size=3]Outline: [/size][/b][/font][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][font=Helvetica][b][size=3]Subject: New Fuel PowerX[/size][/b][/font][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][font=Helvetica][b]1= Traits of PowerX------------------reproduce easily, environmental friendly, creates Oxygen and heat,[/b][/font][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][font=Helvetica][b]2=Performances in industrial------solve the energy problem, low down the prices[/b][/font][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][font=Helvetica][b]3=Performances in environment---new transport means, solve power problem[/b][/font][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][font=Helvetica][b]4=Summary-------a terrific fuel
[/b][/font][color=darkorange][size=12pt][font=Gulim]If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.[/font][/size]
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[size=4][font=Times New Roman][size=3][font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]I want to invent a new fuel because human has suffered from the traditional fuel for a long time. I name this new fuel ‘ PowerX’. [/size][/font]
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[/size][size=3][font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]Firstly, let’s check out its advantages. Because the mainly components of this fuel are carbon, water and sunlight. PowerX, a green liquid, is a totally environmental friendly fuel and can be reproduced without any pollution. In addition, the process of reproducing will arise lots of heat and oxygen, therefore, some people descript it as “artificial chlorophyll”.
Compare with the traditional fuel, PowerX beat them easily because it can highly convert sunlight into energy and double the efficiency. [/size][/font]
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[/size][size=3][font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]Then, with these peerless traits of PowerX, people can use it wildly. In the view of industrial development, PowerX exerts great effort and turns traditional conception of produce over. Thanks to the low consumption of PowerX, factories can now manager much more circulating fund and purchase raw material and improve workers’ welfare. Because factories have relatively endless fuel, their output completely satisfies the demand of markets.As a result, industrial products will cheaper than ever before and it contributes directly to lowing down the CPI as well as increasing Engle Index. In other words, fierce pressures will be loosed and people does not frustrate by increasing prices. In addition, factories now focus on the invention of new products in order to win competition. [/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][size=10.5pt]On the other hand, PowerX improves our environment. Operation of cities needs a large amount of power, this is a tough problem of development of cities. The produce process of PowerX creates heat, which can offer the supply of power. Therefore, the electronic fee, which takes up a large part in salaries, is free now. The night piece of cities with thousands of neon light and bright masons is now gorgeous than ever before. Furthermore, system of city communication goes form 2 dimensions to 3 dimensions. With this high efficiency fuel, traditional cars gradually bound to die out, aircrafts that is designed to fly between masons becomes feasible. Of course, all of these transport methods do not exert negative effect to our environment.[/size][/font]
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[font=Gulim][size=3][size=10.5pt]Finally, nowadays, scarcity of traditional fuel has constrained human in the way they realize their imagination and people have spent too much effort on the problem of energy. A new type of energy such as PowerX is needed.[/size][/size][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 asmodeusjj 于 2008-6-19 10:47 编辑 [/i]] 就我没有写啦啊？？ [color=black][b][size=5][font=Times New Roman]sheepsally改[/font][font=Helvetica]bonbonhu第四次作业[/font][/size][/b][/color]
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[size=4][font=Times New Roman][u][color=blue]If I could invent something new, I would develop an earthquake forecaster[/color][/u][color=blue].(建议: Could I invent something...., I would...)[/color] As we all know, [color=red][u]the May 12 Earthquake[/u][/color] [color=red]the earthquake on 12th of May [/color]in Wenchuan has [color=red][u]taken hundreds of lives and billions of economic damage[/u][/color][color=red](搭配和说法不恰当． resulted in the death of numerous people and tremendous economic damage) [/color] to Sichuan Province. What if an earthquake forecaster forecasts this abnormality of earth's geological activity? So I would like to invent [color=red][u]this kind of[/u][/color] [color=red](such an advanced)[/color] machine.
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[size=14pt]Let's assume[color=red]（that)[/color] there [color=red][u]is[/u][/color] [color=red](要用虚拟，had already exsisted) [/color][color=red][u]already [/u][/color]this kind of earthquake forecaster[color=red]s[/color]. It would forecast an earthquake several days before the earthquake [color=red][u]happens[/u](happened),[/color] just like the weather forecast. [color=red][u]So[/u]（As a result[u]) [/u][/color]all the residents [color=red][u]there[/u][/color] [color=red](去掉）[/color]would make preparations for the earthquake as soon as possible and leave for [color=red][u]some[/u](去掉）[/color] faraway and safe places. In addition, [color=red][u]some relative persons[/u][/color] [color=red]（the working personnel?)[/color] would [color=red][u]also[/u](去掉）[/color][color=red][u]take[/u]（move) [/color]the precious [color=red][u]animal[/u]（去掉）[/color] panda[color=red]s[/color] away to [color=red][u]some[/u](去掉）[/color] safe places. It is reported that till now almost seventy thousand people are killed by the earthquake. What a tragedy. [color=red][u]So many lives are not only a number but also will bring a lot of social problems as well.[/u]（Not only did the disaster lead to horrible data, but also it tend to bring a great many social problems.)[/color][color=red][u] Large numbers of[/u][/color] [color=red](a large number of)[/color] families [color=red][u]are[/u](为了时态对应．were)[/color] broken. [color=red][u]Some husbands lost wives; a number of children became orphans; many survivors are disabled now.[/u][/color] [color=red]（Countless husbands lost their wives, numerous children became orphans, and a great many survivors are disabled now.)[/color] [color=red][u]At the same time[/u](Moreover),[/color] the earthquake is [color=blue](加上considered as)[/color] [color=yellowgreen]a mental blow[/color] [color=red][u]on[/u][/color][color=red] to[/color] [color=red][u]many[/u]( a great mass of)[/color] people. [color=red][u]Some[/u][/color] [color=red](A number of) [/color]psychological advisors are designated to Sichuan Province to help the local people get [color=red][u]out[/u](rid) [/color]of the nightmare of earthquake and[color=red][u] give them hope[/u]（bring hope to them) [/color][color=red][u]for a prosperous life in the near (去掉）future.[/u] (prosperous放这里不太恰当，我觉得这些可以删去）[/color][/size][/font]
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[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][color=red][u]Besides human beings[/u](Besides,)[/color] [color=red][u]the almost extinct species pandas were endangered tremendously in the May 12 earthquake. （The earth quake made a hamful impact on the endangered pandas.）[/u][/color][color=red][u]Several[/u](Some)[/color] national treasures [color=red][u]are dead[/u]（were ruined)[/color] [color=red][u]while[/u](and)[/color] [color=red][u]the[/u][/color] [color=red](去掉）[/color]others [color=red][u]are[/u]（were)[/color] missing. Since The Giant Panda is an endangered specie（[color=red]s）[/color] and highly threatened, an earthquake forecaster will help us remove these national treasures to [color=red][u]safer[/u]（这么说不太地道，直接safe)[/color] places.（[color=blue]建议把前段的panda部分放到这段来，还有本段的panda也要放在一起说，人＇动物和财产分点，条理会比较清楚．感觉少了个结尾，应该再重申一下这就是我想发明．．．的原因．）[/color][/font][/size][/size]
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[size=4][font=Times New Roman][color=black]总结：１.有中国思维的影子，some之类的词用好多[/color][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][color=black] ２.语法和句法错误，这个要加强哦[/color][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][color=black] ３.条理不够清晰[/color][/font][/size]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman][color=black] ４.加油哦::16 ::16 [/color][/font]
[/size] 感谢sally的认真点评，numerous等词来代替some真是太好了。还有熊猫那段的national treasure,偶是想用来表达国宝熊猫的，查了金山词霸，但是现在看来有些难理解。
[[i] 本帖最后由 bonbonhu 于 2008-6-20 13:53 编辑 [/i]] [b][font=宋体][size=12pt]天涯履痕修改Scofield[/size][/font][/b]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]题目 【185】No。132
If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed
中文提纲：欧洲国家和非洲国家差距过大 欧洲国家利用粮食研究出新的能源，使得粮食价格抬高[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]食物是一切的基础，如果国家之间差距过大，影响和平， 导致犯罪等等很多问题。[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]食物是经济政治教育等的基础，吃饱了才有机会想别的[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]所以发明一种大幅度提高农作物产量的技术是我最想做的。[/size][/font]
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[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]With the huge [color=red]exploration[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（exploration是探索的意思，改为explosion）[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] of population and fast development of industrialization in the world, the discrepancy between developing countries and developed countries [color=red]are(is)[/color] becoming [color=blue]wider and wider([/color][/size][/font][color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]总觉得用这个形容词不恰当，能否查下牛津看看用哪个形容词), [/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]especially between western countries and African countries. [/size][/font][color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（建议在第一段中首先立论，说出自己想发明什么，目的是解决非洲国家的粮食问题，这样读者更能明白你的论点。而你在第一段只是作了一个introduction,说明发达国家与发展中国家的差距。在内容上还需再做补充.）[/size][/font][/color]
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Because of great advantages over other countries, people in western countries have a greater yield of crops [color=blue]and other food([/color][/size][/font][color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]去掉other food)[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] and they exhaust mountains of food and fuel. Nowadays with the pace of the extinction of fossil fuel [color=red]goes(going[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，本句为with引导的状语从句，在with后面用going)[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] faster and faster, western countries develop new technology to get fuel from food, which make[color=red]s[/color] the price of food [color=red]goes(go) [/color]higher. As a result, people in [color=red]African (Africa[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，下面也一样)[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] can’t afford enough food [color=red]and [/color]now become poorer. [/size][/font]
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If I could invent something new, I want to settle this problem down, to invent a method to improve the yield of farm products in [color=red]African(Africa[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，下面也一样)[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt],
[color=blue]let the whole world have a comfortable life without hunger[/color][/size][/font][color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（to invent……，let……，都是修饰前面句子的状语从句，let不能用原形，建议改为preventing the whole world from hunger，其实一个句子跟了两个状语从句反而不好，建议将它们写成另一个句子）.[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] The huge divergence between countries is terrible[color=red],[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] [color=red]Some[/color] regions are so rich, while some others are so poor, which will cause lots of problems, [color=red]immigrant things[/color][color=red]（immigration problems）[/color], crimes, unfair education conditions, conflicts [color=red]between(among)[/color] countries [color=red]and [/color]peoples. Take the famous scientist Longping Yuan [color=blue]as an example[/color][color=blue]（不知能否这样用，一般的用法为take……for example/instance）[/color],[color=blue] he[/color] contribute[color=blue]s[/color] greatly to China by finding a way to feed [color=blue]Chinese[/color] people [color=blue]of([/color][color=blue]去掉，给为――)[/color] one of largest population[color=blue]s [/color]in the world.
As we all know, peace is the most important thing in the world[color=blue]; we have a color stand ([/color][color=blue]不解color何意，建议改为a firm stand) for peace, green(用在这里何意？); we have pigeons show peace.（建议不要用这么多分句，have sth do，可以这么说吗？建议改为 The color green and pigeons stands for peace.）[/color] [color=#339966]No wars, no pains.[/color] We should have more love for the poor regions, help them get out of the trouble, at least, help them feed themselves, have their own medical conditions to fight with [color=blue]some not so serious diseases but fatal to them([/color][color=blue]建议改为some disease which is not serious but seems fatal to them).(另外这个句子用了这么多的动词并列，觉得不太好，建议将其分割为两个句子，或者用一些动词ing形式做状语从句。)[/color][/size][/font]
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[/color]Furthermore, [color=red]economic, politic, educational[/color][color=red]（economy, politics, education）[/color], and other things are based on the basic living conditions. When people are not hungry any more, they can sit down and talk about some spiritual things. How [color=red]you could(could you)[/color] imagine a person who is hungry to die would want to improve educational situation? [color=blue]And students who are so desperate for food don’t have time to think about their grades, all things in their mind are food instead of [/color][color=red]chemicals or others[/color][color=red]（chemistry or other curriculum）[/color][color=blue]([/color][color=blue]这两个句子放在一起，中间也没有一个链接词，不妥).[/color]
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In conclusion, what I want to invent is a method to improve productions of African farm products. The [color=red]feed (food) [/color]thing is pivotal to the whole human being, [color=blue]once we are full, we no longer need to worry about whether there are something to eat [/color][color=red]at [/color][color=blue]next meal, [/color][color=red]and [/color][color=blue]we will have time to talk about other things[/color][color=blue]（Once之后另起一句，注意句子之间的分隔和衔接）.[/color][/size][/font]
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[color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]总结： 1文章结构有些松散，观点提出的较晚，让人开始有点摸不清要说什么的感觉。[/size][/font][/color]
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2 [/size][/font][/color][color=blue][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]句子的使用不当，这是这篇文章最大的问题。句子哪里该断开，哪里该衔接没有处理好。常常有好几个句子没有连词而堆砌在一起。状语从句的应用也存在一些问题。[/size][/font][/color]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font] bonbonhu改sheepsally第四次作业
Present-day society is characterized by the increasing desiration (desire本身就是名词，没有desiration这个词)for fame and money. As a result, more crimes are commited (committed) and the trust among people is nearly lost. People’s hearts tend to get dirty. Therefore, if I were capable of inventing something, it would defenately (definitely) be a piece of duster cloth for people’s hearts.
The duster cloth for people’s hearts serves as a crucial element in gaining happy lives, because of three main factors. First of all, with the terrible dirt on heart, people lose true friends, who share the happiness and sadness with them and give them a hand in terrible conditions. As a result, how is it possible for them to gain happy lives? Instead, they are likely to suffer from solitude and isolation. Secondly, fame and money is incapable of poviding (providing) people with true happiness. Aristotle proposed the idea that true happiness should be something that people could obtain on their own. However, it is inevitable that fame and money depends too much on other people. Thirdly, as far as I am concerned, people who seek for no more than fame and money are mentally sick and easily to get physical illness, because they misunderstand the meaning of life and are able to love no more than themselves. In addition, crazy pursuit of fame and money play (s) a harmful role in people’s health. How is it possible for a mentally and physically sike (sick) person to obtain a happy life?
All of the reasons mentioned above lead to a conclusion that people undoubtly ( undoubtedly) need a duster cloth to clean out their heart, to help them avoid the crazy pursuit of fame and money and regain the true happiness of life. Consequently, I would invent a piece of duster cloth for people’s hearts if it were possible.
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