【黄鹤归来】200810G作文批改专帖Issue
[size=4][quote][size=5][color=blue][b]不好意思，这两天忙着备课，改文章的时间会比较少。锁帖前的文章我会尽快看完。欢迎加入我们的群63268340一起交流学习。附件是我的一些课件，有兴趣可以看看。[/[/b][/color][/size]quote][/size][size=4][/size]
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[size=4]参加10G的同学可将Issue习作发在这里，我每天会花45－60分钟批阅。发文的要求和格式如下：[/size]l d|Z!A5_G
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[size=4][color=blue]考试时间[/color]： 十天内考的请注明，将优先处理[/size] \2L"`#Eo
[size=4][color=blue]备考情况[/color]：简单介绍自己的备考经历，目前的困难以及希望我批阅的重点。[/size]q(t5HU-`[ l
[size=4][color=blue]抄题[/color]：包括题号和原题[/size]5m1lF)N ]~qi
[size=4][color=blue]字体[/color]：为大家的视力着想，请使用4号字体[/size]@c P7}hy&j i:X
[size=5][b][color=blue]列大纲[/color]： [color=red]用汉语简述每段的主要内容和思路[/color][/b][/size]tlsp X aYC6A7Y
[size=4][color=blue]正文[/color]： 请自行用Word修改拼写、语法；并请身边英语较好的同学检查语病，希望贴上来的文章没有明显语法问题；注明字数。[/size]h1f} fo
[size=4][color=blue]批阅内容[/color]：根据ETS的评分标准，从观点深度、论证发展、组织结构、语言表达和文法五方面做反馈，并进行估分。所有批阅将在通过编辑原帖完成，同学可以继续编辑原帖和我讨论。[/size]
[size=4][color=blue]讨论[/color]：请大家多关注本帖上已经批阅的文章及我的评语并参与讨论，而不仅仅关心自己的文章。相互学习和反省，才能进步。[/size] G:f9O;C[ A9F1V
[size=4][color=blue]互助[/color]：本服务基于太傻助人自助的精神免费提供，所有建议和意见仅供参考。希望网友觉得有用，并在将来留学深造的路上帮助其他有需要的人。[/size]
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[size=4]希望2008年的下半年我们都有更好的运气！[/size]Y6k6| ~ N-j(B]&H:W7@
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-9 21:43 编辑 [/i]] 沙发支持:loveliness: 老师辛苦了～ 怎么作文发不上来啊，是回复到这个帖里吗？系统说我的回复里有不良内容，可我明明就是贴了作文啊~
我的作文 请老师批改
[size=4]只有有两个星期就要机考了，麻烦老师和同学们多多帮助。3FD$S eR我是一个小硕，文科MM，基础不是很好，学业和科研任务又比较繁重，虽然从上学期开始背红宝，但很少有时间来准备考试，一直备考都是断断续续的，所以6G取消了成绩，比较郁闷，现在时间很紧迫也必须去考的。
（回帖不知道怎么使用四号字体呢）
[color=red][b]请编辑本帖简述你的写作思路[/b][/color][/size]
[size=4][color=darkslategray][b]我的思路：[/b][/color][/size]
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]第一段：将题目拆分为两个方面，即两个部分，同意第一部分，反对后一部分。（有保留的同意，少部分的反对）[/color][/size][/b].R~&O1vU@(m2Br4G1z
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]第二段：同意前半段的理由一 科技的发展促进了政务公开[/color][/size][/b]5?"D^~wb
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]第二段：同意前半段的理由二 信息透明的好处[/color][/size][/b]
[size=4][color=#2f4f4f][b]第四段：反对后面一段的理由 直播所[color=darkslategray]有[/color][/b][color=darkslategray]government（这2个汉字被和谐无法发送）[/color][b][color=darkslategray]行[/color]为可能会泄露国家机密 造成不良影响[/b][/color][/size]%F9@M { hr
[size=4][color=#2f4f4f][b]第五段：折衷，修正观点，即使暂时不通过电[color=darkslategray]视等手段直播[/color][/b][color=darkslategray]government[/color][b][color=darkslategray]行为[/color]，最终也要让人们知道真相[/b][/color][/size]o WX j(u p'j|2o
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]第六段：总结 借助电视等高科技手段的政务公开是长远的，而不公布信息是短期行为，二者结合最终是要给人们一个信息透明的社会。[/color][/size][/b] U^5Z?/N
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f][/color][/size][/b]
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]困难：[/color][/size][/b]
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]1.备考时间紧，来不及给每篇文章列出提纲，都是拿到题目直接在软件里一边想一边写，觉得很难在45分钟内语言和内容兼顾，相比A，感到ISSUE的写作比较困难。[/color][/size][/b]
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f]2、只有10多天就要考试了，来不及准备支持自己观点的更贴切和新颖的例子。[/color][/size][/b])nXDUG
[b][size=4][color=#2f4f4f][/color][/size][/b] [`d@ S*`k d,z
[size=4][b][color=#ff0000][/color][/b][color=navy]多谢老师的修改和指正[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=navy]恳请老师和同学们给些备考帮助~ j-k8a,Tt3~ D
[/color]JK(@ T"N S [
题目：ISSUE108 - "In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that are televised, the more society will benefit."
字数：523 用时：0:45:00 日期：2007-7-1,r8[n _Y,O+Kp
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This issue that the speaker asserts 词语搭配 consists of two aspects. Firstly, the statement claims that watching the television and view government at work can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. Secondly, the more kinds of there proceedings are televised, the more will get merits. 后半句句子结构有问题 I can merely concede the first aspects单复数 as the speaker claims, nevertheless, I strongly disagree 介词 the second one, in that this topic is so complex that we should consider it case-to-case 用法.]G,[ dX
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[size=4]On the one hand, in this modern era of promoting science and technology, watching the television and view government at work can help people know the issues surrounding well that affect their lives. As known to us, thanks to the advancement of civilization and new inventions, more and more countries, no matter whether they are developed countries such as the United States, French, U.K., Japan etc, or developing countries such as China, India, Mexico and so forth, have tried their best to turn information and proceedings of governments ont he television or internet to make their citizen know more about their work.[/size]
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[size=4]这段话的main point是什么？ 和主题的关联在哪里？
Moreover, the more information people know, the strongly intendance given by the citizens the government has. In fact, by viewing the proceedings of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that on TV or from other mass media, people would not only achieve information to help them understand the issues around them and how to deal with, but also realize how to give voice to government and how to correct government’s inappropriate proceedings such as defalcation, bribery, misconduct and so forth.
On the other hand, not all the information about government should be known by all the citizens because it may contain something relevant to nation's well-being, therefore, and government should avoid facing some negative effects of those proceedings for a short term. For instance, in the Second World War, when the leads of the U.S.A government discussed how to defeat Japanese fascists, they had to withhold the proceedings which they will operate, and then told the truth to citizens after the war. Consider, if the citizens knew the all kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc in these special cases, the security of nation and society would be threatened. mfW2J ks
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Notwithstanding, it is the people mandate government that it can serve citizens with its power. Therefore, however government works should merit citizens and strive for their benefits. In this case, an information-open society has to be established and people could get information about government proceedings as clear as possible, as the situation allows to. j[4C%z$[0v-i
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第一句话没看明白。.T^ ?u? q
In conclusion, although watching the television and view government at work would promote people to understand the issues surrounding which may affect their lives, yet, for the safe and well-being of the society, government should still withhold some proceedings-trials, debate, meetings, and so forth, which are relevant to the nation's safe and other significant cases. Nonetheless, even though the government should have to withhold some information in a short term, it should give all the people in the nation who mandate the government’s power a transparent social condition in the long term, and advocate citizens face the true information when it can be open to all.V1ak(v vUMML1Fo
你想说电视直播能给公众更多信息，但没有任何实质的例证。而且也没有抓住这个issue最核心的问题－**信息应否公开和如何公开。具体到每一段，实质的内容也不多。 &j(vB O'g UH ~ b
虽然文字总体比较流利，但语法、用词表达的问题还是不少。
所以，我认为这篇文章拿4分有困难。 rV*UT xWuq
建议你写文章前多思考一下，整篇文章的思路和每段话的要点是什么，不要盲目追求篇幅。
有问题请编辑本帖提出。[/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 ljy715@126.com 于 2008-7-1 21:13 编辑 [/i]] [size=4][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=4][b][size=5][color=#ff0000]请编辑本帖简述你的写作思路[/color][/size][/b][/size]
[size=4][/size] K'xTU*H:B:n(?r}
[size=4][b][size=5][color=#ff0000]请抄题[/color][/size][/b][/size]
[size=4][b][size=5][color=#ff0000]请讨论你的备考情况[/color][/size][/b][size=0px]* _% H1 Z- F;[/size][/size]
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[color=#ffffff]请抄题[/color] vW9w;T.m)o#u
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[size=4][font=Times New Roman]Does the greatness of a person only can be measured by our offspring rather than by the contemporary public as the speaker assert?H6{LZ c'J#K vBEl9D
From where I am stand, I find the speaker unfairly summarize people in every realm. There does exists many great people, especially the politicians, often be prized for the achievement by their society. However, due to the unconfirmed outcome, many scientists are often not be admired by their contemporary society but win the esteem for what they did by those who live after them. Therefore, when the greatness of individuals would be discovered differ from case to case.[/font](OQ;aX4c
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[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, there is nobody can neglect that it is the famous individuals whose achievement is recognized immediately play an vital role in the development of society, consider the political leaders, who are the chief delegate of a nation and fight for the nationwide benefit on the global stage, and who are responsible to sustain the stability of society and take measures to improve it, Deng Xiao ping is one of the greatest leaders in China because he put forward the greatest policy-one nation, two systems-no another leaders but he endeavor to make such adventure and actually efficient policy to well solve the trouble on the return of Hong Kong, the advantages that goes with this policy continuously benefit the public and Deng soon win the whole Chinese people’s respect in his life span.[/font]@/u d,E:KN
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[/size][size=4][font=Times New Roman]Considering other realms such as sciences, however, it reveal a converse phenomenon that the greatness might not be considered immediately in a certain period. Science research is a long-time procedure requires a lot of finding and thinking even attempt to claim an incredible solution which has the probability to shock the authoritative thoughts. In these cases, hardly do the scientists get approval in his period. From Copernicus , the first people, to advocate the heliocentric theory ,it have been thousands of years to breakthrough the old knowledge system by the effort of Bruno Paulet, Galileo who in favor of the assumption and make future observation, so as it can be
received by
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the public catholically today. Owing to the uncertain scientific result and confined knowledge in their time, only the offspring can value them through the changing thought and open mind.[/font][/size]
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[size=4][font=Times New Roman]Moreover, it seems that people live after [size=12pt]the great persons are more objective to assess the greatness of individuals than the contemporary person for two reasons, firstly, the next generation can keep way of the influence of the consensus and dominant thought in prior time in judging predecessors. Secondly, according to study the history, people live after great persons have the opportunity to find out some of the behaviors and theories have far-reaching impacts on the progress of human civilization and some measures may be proved ridiculous in today.[/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]f2e9@.e)h5P }
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]To sum up, the speaker’s assertion is groundless. Although the next generations show more advantages in measuring the greatness of people, we cannot neglect the effect of the contemporaries in valuing individuals .Therefore, both contemporary people and the offspring have the possibility to decide the greatness of those great persons.[/font][/size] [3_ I|^,y
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-1 16:10 编辑 [/i]] 以上是我的作文，之前怎么都发不上来,是ISSUE36 [font=Times New Roman][size=4][/size][/font]issue36 the greatness of individuals only can be judged by those who live after them , not by the contemporories
一个人的伟大只能由后人评定而不是他同时代的人
字数 512
提纲 一 一个人的伟大既可以在当代体现也可以由后人评定:l M n eH1pkH&M
二 政治策略因其能解决当代问题而受到世人肯定Jo M,ln0b
三 科学研究得不明后果和大胆言论不能被当代证实需要后人评定%? R M8i lX ]
[color=red]仅看你的的大纲就觉得缺乏清晰的思路和层次.[/color]
[color=red]你的第一点貌似是全文的总观点? 二/三是在支持一么?[/color]
[color=#ff0000]你这样列出三点,我完全看不出你的观点和思路.[/color]3D;]gF.]L Ic:Y{
备考情况 7月30号机考，写作时间很久，写的时候参看优秀文章有时查词典，即使写了提纲写作时组织内容也花了不少时间，思考时间比较久z c$^0p7|@#I2w,Z
[size=4][font=Times New Roman]Does the greatness of a person only can be measured by our offspring rather than by the contemporary public as the speaker asserts?
From where I am stand语法, I find the speaker unfairly summarize people 搭配in every realm. There does exist many great people, especially the politicians, often be prized for the achievement by their society. However, due to the unconfirmed outcome, many scientists are often not be admired by their contemporary society but win the esteem for what they did by those who live after them. Therefore, when the greatness of individuals would be discovered differ from case to case.[/font] ^V1mKI Ll
[font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=4][/size] 5cP%bJN!WR
[size=4][color=red]基本思路比较清楚,语言表达有问题[/color][/size]rq(uhc G#Sp
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[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, there is nobody 语法can neglect that it is the famous individuals whose achievement is recognized immediately play an vital role in the development of society. Consider the political leaders, who are the chief delegate of a nation and fight for the nationwide benefit on the global stage, and who are responsible to sustain the stability of society and take measures to improve it. Deng Xiao ping is one of the greatest leaders in China because he put forward the greatest policy-one nation, two systems-no another leaders but he endeavor to make such adventure and actually efficient policy to well solve the trouble on the return of Hong Kong, the advantages that goes with this policy continuously benefit the public and Deng soon win the whole Chinese people’s respect in his life span.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]/p^E\ X G*_.lz
[color=red]第一句太复杂 你的句式整体都太复杂[/color]
[color=red]尽量不要举中国的政治人物做例子 特别是 邓 毛[/color]
[/size][size=4][font=Times New Roman]Considering other realms such as sciences, however, it reveal 语法a converse phenomenon that the greatness might not be considered immediately in a certain period. Science 词性research is a long-time procedure requires a lot of finding and thinking even attempt to claim an incredible solution which has the probability to shock the authoritative thoughts. In these cases, hardly do the scientists get approval in his period. From Copernicus , the first people, to advocate the heliocentric theory ,it have been thousands of years to breakthrough the old knowledge system by the efforts of Bruno Paulet, Galileo who in favor of the assumption and make future observation, so as it can be [/font][/size][size=4][font=Times New Roman]received by the public catholically today. Owing to the uncertain scientific result and confined knowledge in their time, only the offspring 选词can value them through the changing thought and opening mind.
[/font] r"q"e$[O{
[font=Times New Roman]Moreover, it seems that people 语法 live after the great people are more objective to assess the greatness of individuals than the contemporary person for two reasons. Firstly, the next generation can keep away from the influence of the consensus and dominant thoughts of prior period in judging predecessors. Secondly, according to study the history, people live after great persons have the opportunity to find out some of the behaviors and theories have far-reaching impacts on the progress of human civilization and some measures may be proved unreasonable.[/font] K U$U"G c g1X
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[/size][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][size=4]To sum up, the speaker's assertion is groundless. 这个评语不恰当the next generations show more advantages in measuring the greatness of people meanwhile we cannot neglect the effect of the contemporaries in valuing individuals .Therefore, both contemporary people and the offspring have the possibility to decide the greatness of those great persons. [/size][/font][/size]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]总体感觉这篇文章写的不错. 除了语言上有些硬伤外,应该有4分或更高的水平. 每段文字都言之有物, 结构有合理.[/color] [/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]有几个严重的语法问题,亟需解决.[/size][/font]3{n s'iI{ c"g)e
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-2 23:32 编辑 [/i]] 请大家回帖前先看一下一楼的指引，谢谢～～ -b|x W Mq
请使用编辑功能修改发的文章 写作思路是非常重要的。当你尝试用汉语总结自己的思路时，你可能会自己发现文章的一些问题。所以希望大家不要嫌麻烦。 [align=left][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]考试[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]时间[/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][size=13.5pt]: 7.30[/size][font=宋体][size=8.5pt][/size][/font][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]备考情况[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]: 6.29[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]准备，第一篇，感觉[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]GRE[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]作文好难写，没思路，很难想例子，而且想出来例子，也觉得比较难准确的表达出来。[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][/size][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]用时[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]2[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]小时，[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]字数[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]480 [/font][/size][/align]Gc:X#`&f"zX
[align=left][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size][/align]
[align=left][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]请问，我需不需要自己写个模板，然后再背一些素材？ [/font][/size][/align]
[align=left][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size][/align] T|4O0m;F)f7j \.t
[align=left][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman]谢谢你的批改！[/font][/size][/align]
[align=left][size=13.5pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size][/align](JD L o(S7|
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]issue15[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]： The stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior.[/size][/font][/align]!D]A)L1a6U X
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt][/size][/font][/align]~GA |9Y0hHN
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]大纲：[/size][/font][/align]\+~{b4E
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]1.*Ct;zR _
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]同意对极端行为的回应决定了社会的稳定。[/size][/font][/align] |#XU4fI)GQ*E F3\4n
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]2.
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]对于极端行为的不理性回应会引起更大的问题[/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]3.6?Q;SKAp
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]对于一些极端行为要加以禁止[/size][/font][/align] Y*D6X_(S#ds9p:o
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]4.N!we D L\ xuW5{f H
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]应该努力找到和平的途径，而不是极端行为来解决问题。 [/size][/font][/align]3l m6_G fyIe
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]5.`];r4D }#A zk f
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]总结[/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=4][color=red]谢谢你列的大纲，希望今后跟帖一律发大纲。但是你这个大纲并没有体现你文章的脉络。大纲的内容和文章的实际内容有很多出入。[/color][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt][/size][/font][/align]8r#y?$I~2r.m-eDD,e
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]Does the response to extremes of human behavior decide the stability of a society? The issue deserves attention and consideration. At this point, different people come up with various attitudes. Opponents believe that the response to the extremes of human behavior only has limited impact on a society, while proponents don't think this way. Personally, I accede the assertion for a couple of reasons.[/size][/font][/align][font=宋体][size=14pt][/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]第一段废话太多，没有真正讨论issue，更谈不上complexity6p*J3X-Nw6V)_'FS
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First of all, unreasonable response to extreme human behavior usually leads to worse situation. For instance, suppression is often a way to solve some extreme activities, such as strikes. It seems that suppression can handle such problems quickly and efficiently, however, as the matter of fact, it easily results in accumulation of contradicts which will become more complicated to [/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]resolve in the future. In early history of some Asian countries, such as Japan, the country with long-term feudalism, the feudal governments were prone to take suppression instead of compromise and negotiation to resolve conflicts between bottom class and superior class. In short run, contradicts were dissimulated; however, in long run, the contradicts were strengthened, and until some time, another riot happened and subverted the current government. [/size][/font][/align]#G&G}8T@H
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt][/size][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt][/size][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]论点不清晰，例子不恰当 [/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt] [/size][/font][/align]5kM!Wkw
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]Additionally, it is necessary to be forbidden for some extreme behaviors such as terrorism, slaughter, race isolation, etc. If such actions are not forbidden, the society will fall into chaos. We can quote an example of race isolation in South Africa. The long-term race isolation leads to the intense relationship among people with different colors. The black Africans rebelled the oppression of the white, and struggled for their freedom and honors. As a result, bombing which frequently happened everywhere in cities impacted people's normal life no matter which kind of color he or she has. When the notorious race isolation was banded, explosives decreased greatly and democracy arisen. [/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align]a l2k Ja m
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[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]However, human being should make progress from lessons and try to avoid extreme behaviors in the future. [/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]From history view, we can draw a conclusion that extreme human behaviors often were companied with [/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]devastations. The best way to solve great problems is to enhance communication and understanding. For example, in the early stage of capitalism, strikes frequently outburst due to low salary and welfare and heavy workload. Though, strikes can solve the problem temporarily sometimes, they hindered the normal order and life in the society and bring inconvenience to residents. And in most circumstances, strikes only aggravate conflicts, not to smooth them. With development, labor union appeared and it provided an efficient way to balance the profits on the both sides - employers and employees. So, by the wisdom of human being, we can find a peaceful and efficient method to resolve any issue. [/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align][align=left][font=宋体][/font] [/align],T'}e&U(f?;H |
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[align=left][font=宋体][size=14pt]Taking into account all the above factors, I strongly believe the stability of a society is decided by its response to human behavior. Human being should avoid radical actions which can cause social turbulence. [/size][/font][/align]+H_&l%M M+DxQ0Gd
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]你需要仔细总结一下你的思路。原issue讨论的是response 和 stability之间的关系，可你的整篇文章几乎没有讨论respond 也没有讨论stability更没有分析这两者之间的关系。如果这样，你第一段说同意这句话就很空洞。 [/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]回答你的问题，模板不重要，素材需要但不能靠背。当务之急是理清思路，做到写的文章确实在回答问题而不是东扯西拉。[/color] [/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]目前离4分还很远，加油哦~~[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font] \)` _Q%W aS!@
[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-1 20:37 编辑 [/i]]
批改第一天
[size=4][color=blue][b]暂时回帖的版友还不多，估计过几天就会多起来。我的评论可能有些严苛，但是据我所知有很多同学都只考了3.5分，如果argument4分的话，就意味着3分issue是大多数人的水平。为什么会这样呢？我觉得是大家准备的方向有问题。太多的注意力放在字数和语言堆砌上，而忽略了最根本的东西--你写的文章有没有回答问题，有没有一个清晰的思路。如果做不到这一点，无论字数多少，句式多复杂也没法突破3分大关。[/b][/color][/size][b][size=4][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/b] [size=4]偶滴练笔，麻烦老师了~~：）WQ^s@E7@:B
7月22日机考，这应该是准备以来写的第四、五篇吧，不过之前的写完了也没怎么改过，总是不忍回头去看啊。。担心太糟糕打击自己。。= ='i-u:B/Y8`-P x6| r;NV
写issue最大的问题应该是材料，感觉自己看了些也总结了些，但真正到写的时候还是只能现想，很浪费时间。。。而且，关键是总想不到。。。= =这就是字数总是提不高的原因之一吧。。。还有一个问题就是用词，感觉重复还是比较多，不能多变，还得继续下功夫涅。。。
[/size]
[size=4][color=red]材料是一个问题,但靠工具箱之类的材料肯定不行,因为每道题都会不一样. 最好还是通过拓宽思路,来选择合适的材料. Issue作文强调对complexity的理解和探索. 只要在issue的complexity上下文章,字数不应该是问题.[/color]Q"w.bJ'G H/t(A;}0T
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[size=4]这文章是45分钟写完的，用的是那专门的软件。
本文大纲：
1 正反说了下学习科学课程有好有坏 （总是觉得第一段写正反各一句就没什么好写的了，还麻烦老师指点一下。）[/size]
[size=4][color=red]像你这样分析就没有抓住题目的要害--不是科学课程好坏,而是要不要强迫没兴趣的人去学. [/color],oe+@yV*X%sH
2 应该学习科学课程，因为它可以帮助逻辑思维。例子，扯了一下我们院长曾经说过的话，我是英语专业，（我知道这例子真的有点扯，但，呃，不知道写什么了……）
3 不该强行要求的原因一——有些学生对科学真没兴趣。学校应该把更多的注意力放在学生的专业及兴趣上。|w^\ x.G sJx(U[{
4 原因二，可以通过其他方式培养逻辑思维。
5 结尾，学习科学很好，但不是唯一方法。但如果同学有足够哦时间也有足够兴趣，还是可以尝试的。h0\&G#E$Kq1}
还有一个问题就是，上xdf的时候，老师总是说写issue最好不要完全肯定或否定，可是，自己写的时候总觉得两面都要写到有点困难。。。而且这样让自己思维更加混乱。。。请教老师有没有虾米好的方法。。。
呃，总的就是这样了。[/size]
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[size=4][color=red]我觉得XDF老师所讲的只是一个建议,因为issue题往往比较复杂,如果完全肯定和否定就很难将这种复杂性体现出来. 但也不是完全不可能. 北美里面就有完全否定和肯定的个案,但作者会将命题分拆再来逐个肯定或否定. 总之要体现对复杂性的理解[/color]7Ek$R3f:PV/|*HU
非常感谢~~偶会继续努力滴~~：）c)z4H.K`6P%w!J*t
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题目：ISSUE 80 - "All students should be required to take courses in the sciences, even if they have no interest in science."h2|*A P8P9`C
字数：445 用时：45:00 日期：2008-7-1%wc+Q)b KUo K'Q
The speaker asserts that all students should be required to take courses in the sciences, even if they have no interest in it. I fundamentally agree with the author, since all subjects are interacted 选词----one could help another be understood from different perspectives破折号用得很好,但后半句话写的很搓. However, there are disadvantages as well, under some circumstances.[/size]e Z9@H Em;u(m g D`
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[size=4]你的第一段没有一个很明确的观点
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To begin with, science is objective field语法, when one is learning in this field he or she can be exposed to another thinking system, which might be totally different from his or her original system, especially for art 用词students, so, in other words, courses in the sciences can help one to train one's own logical thinking. 句子太长 标点符号 Once my school dean said(and I paraphrase): "You language school students should read as many other fields 语法books as possible, and if you have enough time, you had better take part in other courses, such as mathematics, accounting, physics and so on, which will be good for you to keep you thinking logically." It is true that objective observation is also essential in art fields, if one lacks in this kind of ideas, he or she could hardly get succeed.语法 ,K|&a{;m.wN ^
However, how to deal with one who truly have no interest in science? 不是完整句子Still put high pressure onto him or her to take science courses? 写得太随意In my view, the answer is NO. Needless to say, education is freewill event什么, and nowadays more and more colleges and universities are advocated to educate students based on their interests not their future jobs, while requiring them to take a course they really hate is not this case. Students need to be paid attention 语态to their interests, painting or writing, neither accounting nor finance, even though the later courses might help them earn more money in the future. pz QL!`V[5|L
[color=red]你造的一些句子很不靠谱. 建议你多读范文,看看范文怎么写,不要自己生造句子[/color] ^)Q"]S WU
Another reason for students should not be required is that they can study in other ways没说清楚. Today's students, not like ones decades ago, have a various after-school life ----attending clubs related to their majors or habits, taking part-time jobs, devoting to Students Union to build up useful skills. These stuffs 不可数occupying their times may have nothing with science, but students can still train a logical system, meanwhile with other helpful experience.
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In sum, students can learn much more from subjects in the sciences, but it is not the only way for them to be improved. Schools have the responsibility to provide students with a free learning atmosphere, no such requirements, more attention related to their majors and habits. On the other hand, if the student has enough time or is fond of science, he or she could take courses as a try, whatever, he or she would take advantage from science.T/P yw0Q
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[color=red]你的文章语言表达问题很多,思路还可以,但文章不够紧凑. 这道题可以做文章的地方很多,我这里写一个大纲供你参考; 另外你目前离4分还有一定的距离,特别是在语言表达上需要下功夫.[/color]
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[color=blue]"All students should be required to take courses in the sciences, even if they have no interest in science."[/color],QO Ta.j*W*p'_|c
[color=blue][/color] a.]:W^zT(T*V/dY*r V
[color=blue]The speaker asserts that science courses should be made compulsory for all students. While this proposal makes perfect sense for students who are interested in science, problems arise when it comes to students with limited interest in learning science. While science is an extremely important part of human knowledge and a very useful methodology of understanding the world, it seems to me that forcing students to take courses they do not like defeats the purpose of education. On the other hand, schools should make specific efforts to promote science courses among students, for example, offering science courses with less quantitative reasoning and more interesting lab work. By encouraging rather than requiring students to take science courses, the school administration will be able to improve the effectiveness of the curriculum.[/color] {k,uc.a#f[
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[color=red]我的大纲在第一段中已经清晰呈现,我就不另外列出来了.[/color]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-3 00:03 编辑 [/i]] [size=14pt][size=4][color=#0000ff]考试时间[/color]： 8.11(但马上要去出差2周,很无奈)[/size][/size]a;@{^ s ij
[size=14pt][color=blue][size=4]备考情况[/size]：感觉没例子,写作时间长。还有就是语法问题比较多,不知道应该怎么解决,很头疼.希望老师重点推荐解决方法。[/color][size=0px]+ @1 F) ~# I; f9 ]4 q) F8 U[/size](HK;hSq \
[size=5][b][color=blue]列大纲[/color]：[/b][/size][/size]k5D S3|'Z.if"x%T
[size=14pt][size=5][size=4][color=#2f4f4f][b][color=black]第一段：将题目拆分为两个方面，即两个部分，同意第一部分，反对后一部分。并提出自己观点（同意为主,反对少）[/color][/b][/color][/size][/size][/size]7y-Kkw { A"c+j6C8`
[size=4]第二段：提出同意理由之一:学习的目的是为了运用知识(用学生考试的例子来支持)[/size]
[size=4]第三段：提出同意理由之二:学习思想、趋势、概念能帮助人们更好的学习和记忆知识。（用一个编撰的调查来支持）[/size]-g(PJG+L'Y)[
[size=4]第四段：提出反对理由：记忆是学习思想、趋势、概念的基础，而且一些知识只需要记忆（用交通方面的一个例子支持）[/size]j(B Dnrs!IU
[size=4]第五段：总结，并重申观点。[/size]
[size=4]（注：本文写作时间为2小时）[/size]a]"Y5Ey0RJ
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][/font][/size]CE MN5bXn B(Y
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]TOPIC: ISSUE28 - "Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri][/font][/size]'j)ra m:i
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]The speaker alleges that students ought to memorize facts only after learned 语法the ideas, trends and concepts due to students have obtained little by only studying facts. I agree with the statement to the extent that learns the ideas, trends and concepts 语法help people to utilize and deeply absorb the and better memorize knowledge. However, the process of memorizing is a basis of studying and some subject's knowledge only require memorizing. [/font][/size] d,X p{ @PPV
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你对这个动名词的用法掌握不好
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri]To begin with, the purpose of learning is to use the knowledge to solve some problems in life. As we know, if a student only try to memorize knowledge without understanding the ideas, trends and concepts. The person cannot gain the knowledge and how to use it. There are many principles in math and other scientific subjects. Some students often can tell the content about some principles, but they did not really obtain选词. And when the test comes, these students usually get the low mark because they do not know how to operate principles. And even if some students are smart so they also can get a good mark in exam, but when they meet a problem which is analogue选词 to textbook's difficulty in a different situation, they often fail to solve the matter. Thus, to truly use knowledge in life student should also learn the ideas, trends and concepts, rather than only memorize the facts.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri]In addition, studying the ideas, trends and concepts help people to deeply understand and better memorize the knowledge. Because they can offer background of the fact and sometimes interest stories about the facts as a result can speed up the procedure of studying and memorizing. A recent survey conducted by a prestigious university in the world reveals 80 percent students gain most part of the knowledge in a certain subject in a week before the exam being taken in these ten years, 20 percent raise for the same period time in last decade. This is the highest in the history, continuing the trend which begun 1980s. Since they just memorize the fact for passing the test so they forget 70 percent part of the knowledge after test, but the scientist in that university also find that if students after exam take a train, a class about the ideas, trends and concepts of the fact in that subject, they can understand 85 percent of knowledge in their whole life and can better understand the knowledge. Besides, people always find that so many facts in history that people nearly impossible to obtain them. But some people have the experience that if the teacher told them the ideas, trends and concepts of the fact, especially some of them are interesting, they can deeply memorize the facts. In short, people can get deeply memorize and absorb the knowledge by studying the ideas, trends and concepts of the fact.[/font][/size]
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你这段好长,我没精神看了
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Admittedly, memorizing is the base of studying the ideas, trends and concepts and some knowledge just need people to memorize. It is specious that people preceded study the ideas, trends and concepts of the fact and does not memorize it due to people cannot to correspond the fact with the ideas, trends and concept of it ,as a consequence, are impossible to understand the knowledge. Besides, there are so complex and new things nowadays so people have no enough time to study them, unless they want to do some research in a certain major. With the rapid development of economy in the world, a growing number people can afford to drive a car. And they only need to know when the green light turned, they can drive and, in contrast, they must stop when the red light lighted. They do not need to understand why they should do this and have no time to obtain it. In a world, some facts only require memorizing and studying the ideas, trends and concepts of the fact bases on the memorizing.[/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri]To sum up, learning the ideas, trends, and concepts of facts can help us to utilize, deeply understand and better memorize the knowledge. However, memorizing is a basic step of studying the ideas, trends, and concepts of facts and some knowledge merely need to 语态memorize.[/font][/size]h"r!\9` [ y_of
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[color=red]很奇怪,你写的有些句子看得很不错,像是基础很好的学生,可有时候又犯很基本的语法错误. 语法的问题我建议参加互改小组或者找一些身边英语不错的朋友帮你指出来. 也可以考虑做一些老托福的语法题,复习一些基本的语法知识点. 还有就是模仿范文和分析范文的句子结构,提醒自己在什么情况下该怎么写. [/color]
[color=red]你用的分拆命题的方法来理清思路我认为很好. 只是中间的段落篇幅太长了,需要调整. [/color] J }6IG/i
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[color=blue]老师那我这篇文章大概可以得几分啊？还有一个问题就是给我改过作文的人有这种感觉，说我的文章看起来很怪，但翻译成中文就看懂什么意思了，不知道您有没有这样的感觉，以及我应该如何改进？[/color]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tongzhi 于 2008-7-4 00:31 编辑 [/i]] 我的帖子已经修改好了，老师请帮忙批改 有这样的机会真好 明天正式踏上AW征程 每天都要写:loveliness: 感谢先 [size=4][color=#0000ff]考试时间[/color]： 8月25日 北京[/size]
[size=4][color=blue]备考情况[/color]：今天正式开始作文练习，之前看过一些范文，列过一些提纲，主要感觉有话说不出，请教老师如何写得多，写得漂亮[/size][size=0px]! P. f$ H2 U[/size]C+z1N s.G b#l
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[size=5][b][color=blue]列大纲[/color]：1.**面对突发情况，应该注重解决当前问题[/b][/size]
[b][size=5] 2.社会资源有限，**应该着眼长远，为远期利益适当放弃当前，着力解决未来 的问题[/size][/b]$d A Y b G
[b][size=5] 3.**应该权衡取舍，兼顾当前和未来[/size][/b]
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[b][size=5][color=red]提纲写得很平庸，思路很一般，毫无特色和主见。[/color][/size][/b]
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[size=4]TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."2fo zQg3O
WORDS: 386 TIME: 00:58:42 DATE: 2008-7-2 9:47:19[/size]'z.]U Qgy)c"i+b
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[size=4]When confronting whether to solve problems of today or of future,the governmenta will always find them？ in delimma. The answer seems simple at first glance-----solve？ every problem and be loved by people,but in fact there is no such a？ easy situation.[/size]
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[size=4][color=red]第一段没有提出观点[/color][/size]1V0y9Z}3\q
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[size=4]Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems when the situation is urgent.Natrual disasters such as earthquake,flooding,tornedo which happen quickly and unpredicted？ can cause a great of loss to the society. In that situation,it is the government's responsibility to give a quick reaction to minimize the loss.Take a consider？ of the SARS in China.It was a kind of totally new virus we never met,therefore,it caused thousands of deaths immediately.In order to give the patients good condition for cure,a hospital specialized for SARS was built in nearly three days,and the government took the urgent situation under control before the public went to panic.The main task for government is to serve people,which means to solve problem they have.If the goverment cannot take care of the problems of today,we won't have confidence on it to handle the future's.[/size]/a!^%X#x2Si
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[size=4][color=red]语法问题有一些[/color][/size]M)j%r1~8E m'n1s
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[size=4]Somtimes,considering the welfare of people living in the future,governments have to sacrefice the profits of today's people and put more efforts on solving the anticipated problems of the future.The sources of a society are limited,which calls for precise evaluation of cost and profits of solving the problems of today or the future.As we know in a war,the chief commander sometimes give up some wins of battles but beat the enemy in the war as a whole.Just like commanders in wars,the leaders of the society should derease effort on giving better lives for people of today but save power to serve the future's,consdering the much more profits of future than those of today.Take China as an example again.The government put more efforts on export for the purpose of communicating with other countries and keep the promise made for joining WTO.This action will surely slow down the pace of development of the poor areas inland,but taking the total profits of the country into consideration,this decision is acceptable.[/size]
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[size=4][color=red]战争的例子不太合适[/color][/size]9A q@#MK+Rl
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[size=4]It is unquestionable for governments to solve problems to make a better place for people to live on.And it is also important for governments to estimate the efforts and outcome for solving problems because sometimes they have to make a choice between today and future.
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[color=red]中间两段各说各的 毫无关联 没有一个整体的复杂的观点[/color][/size]-}/r5xw,f&Q5T PZ
[size=4][color=red]语言也存在一些问题 不过基本的结构还可以[/color][/size] G;a/F,` n5g-O$Ugs
[size=4][color=red]3分[/color][/size]6{5m l&j vH
[size=4][color=#ff0000][/color][/size] FJl8oYL'_;`1k!X
[size=4][color=#ff0000]提示－眼前与长远问题之间存在复杂的关联：有时候是矛盾的；有时候是统一的[/color][/size]_|}#`C$VzcG5GQ
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-3 17:07 编辑 [/i]] [size=4]偶又来了，7月22 北京。。
这是今天的练笔，还是那个问题，例子，也就导致字数。。。唉!S`R+vU.~8GF3x:o
提纲：
1 重申题目，小反对下作者的观点，历史学家所谓的“讲故事”不是作者所想的那么简单。。
2 研究历史的角度不同，不同历史学家对同一件事的看法也可能不同。例子纯是教材上的，是关于墨西哥战争问题上两组科学家不同的见解。（我也基本就是memorize了一下课文，汗汗，不知道还能说些什么。。）
3 然而，“讲故事”也要有事实依据。历史学家不可能直接看到过去，他们能做的也只是根据记录数据尽可能准确的去接近历史。但他们也一直在为接近历史真相而努力。 gE{?X!`(Uv
4 综上。科技在发展，学科之间也在交流。人们在进一步接近真相。
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咳咳，呃，就是这样了。
我必须承认一件事……那就是刚开始写的时候是打算写那高频ISSUE48的，结果写着写着就写不下去了……索性就把题目给改了，跟文章比较贴一点……= =承认错误……
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麻烦老师了~~o(∩_∩)o..
（飘过着手准备argu. ...）
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题目：ISSUE 110 "When we concern ourselves with the study of history, we become storytellers. Because we can never know the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence, exploring history is more of a creative enterprise than it is an objective pursuit. All historians are storytellers."e _,V8G QL gF
字数：416 用时： 1:10:00 日期：2008-7-2B4v/zob e7^8H
Do we become storytellers when we concern ourselves with the study of history? Do all historians are[color=red]？ [/color]storytellers in that nobody can know the past directly. In my observation, the speaker disregards the essential efforts of the historical factors. History[color=red] ？[/color]study is not a simple process of memorizing a vast sea of names, dates, events and statistics, but a vehicle for human beings to contact with old days by interpreting evidence, moreover the “interpreting” is not as easy as the speaker claims. However, in order to get closer to the truth, being a intelligent “storyteller” is not enough, [color=red]historians are working harder on it.不清楚[/color] ;\-`1~+{$j#b3\}4D
Admittedly, when history professors study an event, they try their best to select and create evidence by using some theory of human motivations and behavior, however, one might find that even focus[color=red]？[/color] on the same event, different historians have different views---- that depend on what perspective the historian based on. For example, when historians are investigating the "Zimmerman Note", in which the German Foreign Secretary ordered the German minister in Mexico, in the event of way, to suggest an alliance between Germany and Mexico by the United States in the Mexico War, what then are historians to make of these facts? One group could simply list them and come to a conclusion. However, another group of historians might argue the former conclusion in that in does not take into account the generally pro-British views of Woodrow Wilson, views that stemmed from the President's background and education. The result will be a disagreement among the historians. Both of the views sound groundless, the essential reason for the disagreement is that the groups of historians look into the event based on different aspects. It seems that the historians are merely story-tellers.[/size]
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[size=4][color=red]这一段的中心论点是什么？[/color] R H u7` rKE
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Nevertheless, the truth is not this simple. What the historians based on are all grounded factors, before they go further into an event they must spend lots of time testifying the verity of the factors. When it comes to the view-problem[color=red]？[/color], historians should not to[color=red]？[/color] be criticized in that without enough evidence and records the only thing they can do is to deduce with a little imagination and try to find new information.Ql/ff5or~
In sum, historians cannot know everything for the simple reason; therefore they can only approximate history at best. Whatever, they are constantly discovering new information, gaining new insights from other social scientists and mastering and using new technology to modify or revise their ideas for getting closer to the truth.
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[color=red]我觉得你这篇文章没有抓住命题的要害，也没有提出一个独创的观点。中间段的论点也不清晰。[/color] f+d%gmoQ!D
[color=#ff0000]3分[/color][/size]J O#s)XW~
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-3 17:20 编辑 [/i]] [size=4][font=宋体][size=14pt]考试时间：[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Calibri]7[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]月[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Calibri]21[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]日北京[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]
[size=4][font=宋体][size=14pt]备考经历：实在是压缩不掉时间，打字速度很慢，感觉想法上倒是没有什么问题，如果有请一定指出，一定虚心接受！感觉衔接上比较不行[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."[/size][/font][/size]
[size=4][size=14pt][font=Calibri]1.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]孩子们的状态如何决定了社会将来的发展，所以教育孩子很较重要[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]
[size=4][size=14pt][font=Calibri]2.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]在现在的教育当中我们确实遇到了问题[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]
[size=4][size=14pt][font=Calibri]3.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]然而，我们应该看到现代教育让我们的孩子比以前更强了[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]$Z:^y o rj&J:~.q
[size=4][size=14pt][font=Calibri]4.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]总结，我们应该以正确的态度看待现在的教育[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size],pzvg7r+@.z$VO
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[size=4][font=宋体][size=14pt]谢谢楼主修改[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]WORDS: 546
TIME: 01:06:221SHi[ i8L
DATE: 2008-7-1 10:25:34[/size][/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]The speaker claims that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, but we fail to learn how to raise qualified children to help promote the quality of society. I agree with this assertion to the extent that the raising of children determines the future of society. Nevertheless, I find the speaker's claim problematic on the ground that we perform well in educating children despite of some mistakes.[/size][/font][/size]
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[size=4][color=red]开头不错，部分肯定[/color][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]Children today are adults tomorrow. They will be the main strength？ to create value and construct society. When adults today progressively become senior citizens, the teenagers will take position of all the aspects of society, science, economy, politics, art and so forth. Through utilizing materials and facilities, as well as accomplishments and experiences their precedents leave behind, the former baby boomers are now exerting their wisdom and ability in the advancement of the United States, making it the most powerful nation across the world. Therefore, the destiny of society mostly depends on how it raises its children, and the foremost factor should no doubt be the means of education. [/size][/font][/size] ~,G9aVl ~
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[size=4][color=red]语言挺流畅 但仔细看你并没有论证the destiny of society mostly depends on how it raises its children[/color][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]Nevertheless, modern education faces inefficiency and grave consequences on making our children qualified and competent for the future. Perhaps the tendency of seeking for immediate gratifications has affected the educators. Teachers and instructors are eager to see their accomplishments and receive unwanted consequences. For an apt example, in many of the schools in Asia today, the amount of homework for a student grows significantly with the grade. In accordance with the data I have collected, from a recent survey by Chinese sociologists, children in elementary school spend an average time of 3 hours on homework per day, while the time for a junior high school student is 5 and a senior high school student 7. Teachers presumably wish to enhance the acquired knowledge and abilities they have taught to the students by assigning copious homework for practicing. On the contrary, excessive occupied time drains children's interest on learning and practicing, souring their attitude toward further study and researching in the future. [/size][/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]Notwithstanding the previous proviso, we should also confess the fact that modern education has contributed a lot to raise children who can help bring about a better society. As a threshold matter, education brings children from different background in to the same intellectual level. Through the application of the multi-media technology in class, all the children today are enabled to acquire more concrete and detailed understanding and cognition on sophisticated knowledge and cultivate a clear sense of logic. This can never be imaged in schools that belong to the past. Moreover, modern education develops a student in a more comprehensive way. Contrary to the tedium class activities in the past, schools today offer myriads of selective course on practical skills and related academic knowledge, which serve to thoroughly strengthen children's ability, making them prepared to pursue further study and choose their own career in the future. Therein lies the two prominent benefits of modern education among millions of more.[/size][/font][/size]
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[size=14pt][font=Calibri][size=4]To conclude, the raising of children is consequential for a society to prosper in the long term. We should examine what need to be ameliorated and what should be continued of the education system. Only through this attitude can we initiate to educate children well and help bring about a better society.[/size][/font][/size] V&x/N L0},L s0r
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[size=4][color=red]你的问题是避开了社会化这个关键概念，有走题的危险。各段之间也不够紧凑，没有一个核心的观点。文字功底还不错。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=#ff0000]3分[/color][/size]'C9bX(~/cM:P L%pX-g;k
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-3 17:49 编辑 [/i]]
issue 第一篇
[size=4]8月20日考[/size][size=4]刚刚看了几篇范文，了解了一下大体思路，这是我的第一篇issue。写的比较磨了，大概一个小时又十五分钟，还望老师使劲批评啊，谢谢老师啦！！！::11 [/size]
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[size=4]136. The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.[/size]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Does the choice of life is an illusion? The speaker claims so, nonetheless I believe that there is something in our life that we can select and change for the reason that we can struggle to acquire what we pursue in some circumstances.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][/size][/font][color=red]观点不清晰[/color]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Admittedly, people are not born equal, and there are always something that we can not determine before we were brought to the world. It's impossible for us to alter our born condition, the disparity of which may lead to two completely kinds of different life. Such examples can be seen almost everywhere in the world. Comparing two kids who were born in families with different material conditions, we may find that the distances between the tracks of their life accrete gradually as they grow up; the kid grown up in a rich family may step into the swelldom in contrast to the poor family's kid who is doom to be a person in the lowest chaste of the society. What's more, some of the innate abilities do exist that we could not select on our own, such as the race, color, and gender, which are considered as the "glass ceiling" in the modern society. It's not unusual to see that a woman whose competent is commeasured with a man receives a lower pay when they are in the same occupation.[/size][/font]u {;{ M4m
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][/size][/font][color=red]语言表达不错[/color]
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[color=#ff0000]但是一开始没有将论点讲清楚 [/color].j_,@Q$FA
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]It is true that the choice of our life is limited in some fields, however, we do have the ability to change our life with our own efforts. As the old saying goes:” where there is a will, there is a way”, and it produces great influence in people's life, since people can do great work with a strong perseverance. In order to illustrate this point of view, the story of Helen Adams Keller may serve as a persuasive example. As we all knows that the life of Helen is rather sympathetic, who became blind and deaf because of a serious illness happened in her early age, but this disaster did not ruin Helen's life. Although there used to be a period of distress and saturnine for her, She finally regained her courage and spared no efforts to learn reading and writing with the help of her teacher. Because of her strong will and great efforts, she ultimately acquire the ability to talk like ordinary people, which is formidable for deaf people, and become a great educationalist in the world.[/size][/font]V R(m d|z;|
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[color=red]这一段好一点[/color]
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]For another, what we can, and only can acquire by ourselves, is knowledge, which is unlikely to be determined by nature. A talented person would be born with high intelligence, nevertheless, the bent he got since he was born could not make him know the professional knowledge in the world, but only help him learn things quicker. On the contrary, a common student with moderate intelligence could procure a large quantity of knowledge among various fields, who may finally achieve larger success than genius who were not so assiduous.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]没太看懂[/color][/size][/font] tfx;f2y#h \C w0o
[font=Times New Roman][size=4][/size][/font]5Y$ha_C;up,m'WS
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Considering all these above, I can safely draw a conclusion that there is something that cannot be chosen since it is decided before we were born, yet life still leave us great space to choose what we really want and what we intend to attain all through our life.[/size][/font]5Y c;j8o/WE
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[size=4][color=red]你的观点没有正面回应题目 第一句话就把题目理解错了[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=#ff0000]3分[/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=#ff0000]附上我以前写的一篇供参考[/color][/size]"dM"dEr6R:t
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[quote]
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[color=blue]这道题的难点有两个，一是讨论的问题很抽象，二是讨论的内容很陌生。要解决这种问题，最好的策略就是抽象问题具体化，用一些实例来讨论这个问题，并从中提炼观点。[/color]9PX+g3N:M ~8II
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[size=4][color=blue]It is well known that human beings are distinguished from other animals because we have free will and are able to make choices in difficult situations that life puts ourselves in. On the other hand, it is argued that choice is illusory for modern people as in many cases we are, in fact, left with very few choices in certain circumstance. In this essay, I would argue that we human beings always have choices if we think twice about our situations and count on the support and help of our family and society to explore various solutions. On the other hand, efforts can be made to improve the situation at societal level when choice is indeed limited for individuals. The three extreme scenarios in our life may be used to illustrate my perspective: divorce, abortion and suicide. [/color][/size] z/DD3n4j AJy#tJ
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[size=4][color=blue]Nowadays, it is not uncommon for people to end their marriages when the relationships cannot work out. And I am not writing to suggest that all divorce cases are undesirable. On the contrary, in some marriages, both men and women would be better off when the relationships end. The important issue here is whether or not the couple has looked into alternative solutions for their troubled marriages, for example, seeing a marriage counselor. Also, the couple may want to seek help from their friends and families who know them well. If all the attempts fail to save the marriage, divorce could be the option that is always available, however painful it would be. In other words, when we make difficult decisions in our life, as in the case of troubled marriage, we go through different options that emerge along the way. [/color][/size] Iz4NAzx(\ x
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[size=4][color=blue]The case of abortion is more controversial. Although it is easy to condemn abortion at the moral basis, it is far more realistic to try to figure out how a decision to abort one’s own child is made. If we look into the story, we would find the case is more complicated than we previously imagine. For example, abortion is now fairly common among Chinese college students as pre-marital sex has become popular and education on contraception is limited. Now, suppose a girl gets pregnant by accident, what are she and her boy friend supposed to do other than aborting the fetus? Choice is indeed limited for the poor lovers. Nevertheless, from the society’s perspective, we do have options. To begin with, the schools should provide more informative sex education so that the students understand the consequences of unprotected sex; in addition, condoms and other contraceptive devices should be supplied for free to reduce the case of unplanned pregnancies; finally, better medical care and counseling should be provided for students (both boys and girls) who go through the trauma. [/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=blue]Now let’s turn to the most extreme case in our discussion- suicide. Suicide is considered the ultimate way out for desperate men and women. In fact, the option is not only destructive to the person involved. It is also devastating to the family of the person as well as the community that person belongs to. Therefore, efforts have been made around the world to reduce the suicide rates. Personally, I think the most important way for preventing the tragedy is again the establishment of a support network among friends, families and community as a whole. Each and every one of us has the responsibility to take care of one another, not just in terms of material well being but at spiritual level as well. For one of the most common reasons why people commit suicide is the lack of love and attention. [/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=blue]In conclusion, after exploring the three extreme cases in human choices, I think it is fairly clear that choice is always available for human beings as we not only have the rights to pursue happiness but are intelligent enough to do so. When confronting tough situations in our life, we should explore all different options carefully with the help and support of our family and friends. And, at the societal level, we should also try to create a loving and supportive community for each and every individual. [/color][/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-3 18:04 编辑 [/i]] [size=4]考试时间：广州，8月4[/size] A2@ i uj(S/OA
[size=4]备考情况：之前在写提纲，这是第一篇完整的文章[/size]H#Z0[H `^ r
[size=4]时间：挺长的，中间胃痛的要死，停了好几个钟[/size]Y(?(r@D
[size=4]字数：585[/size]5Ih#^L.h mH#H
[size=4][b]NO.130
[/b][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]教育[/size][/font][/b][/size],W.Q)B2S PL0N
[size=4][b]"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."[/b][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]孩子们的社会化决定社会的命运。不幸的是我们还不知道怎样抚养孩子才能使他们对将来的社会有用。[/size][/font][/b][/size]
[size=4]提纲：[/size]| j6xSb(F S A!v
[size=4]1. 表明观点，同意作者的看法[/size]7u3z h)K6KM{N
[size=4]2. 学生适当的社会化有利于他们更好的适应社会[/size]"b vn d+b5K
[size=4]3. 但是非常值得关注的是，我们当中有很多人太注重书本和考试，让学生远离社会真相[/size] |J f FhA ^a
[size=4]4. 社会化也不应该过度，同时我们也不能忽视培养孩子学习基本的做人道理。[/size]"@,KCB8F_ S)lw
[size=4]5. 总结，再次陈述观点[/size] Z!p*f)d%n
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]In the 21st century which is dominated by the rocketing development of science and technology, the world is changing every day. How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Children are the future of our society. Thus it’s with great significance to raise them up as brilliant adults. Unfortunately, many of us have not yet learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. [/size][/font]
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[color=red][font=Times New Roman][size=4]你要学一下paraphrase[/size][/font] YC(FA6H T$^
[/color][font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]还有你的观点不能和原作者完全一样 总要有点insight[/color] [/size][/font] q9O tyRd6l+n
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]The famous educationist and psychologist John Dewey once explained that education should be based on experience. It is possible that we obtain the experience practiced by previous sages from books but the experience learnt from books is stationary and might not suit everyone well. On the other hand, our society is a very ideal and suitable teacher for us to be better prepared for a brighter future. In the information era, properly socialized children can have a clear understanding of the society and adapt themselves to it. By engaging in part-time jobs or volunteer work, children can keep a close eye on what the society needs and what they are lacking in. Besides, in a world which is transforming so fast, socialized children can be alert and always catch up with the fast pace of our development. Children are the future hosts of our society. It is important that they are ready as children and can adapt as quickly as possible to the world. No matter how well-educated a child might be, he would hardly succeed if he is blind to the status quo of our society. By and large, socialization children determines the future of society.[/size][/font]
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[color=red]你的语言和句式都不错 但是你尝试证明[b][size=4]How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society并不是问题的关键。[/size][/b][/color]3KC8n(\,y&KX zP J+a
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]However, very unfortunately, a lot of parents neglect the impact of socialization on the children. Many of us hold the opinion that our society is too complex for our children. What the kids should do is studying harder and the only criterion for evaluating their ability is exams. Therefore, many parents take great pains to send their children to the best schools and train them to be capable enough to pass various kinds of exams. As a result, for these children and parents, studying is to engage them in books and pass exams, ignoring what the society is calling for. But when the children finally grow up, they will find that the society is totally different from what they have seen in books and what they have analyzed in exams. The problem is that we are constantly conveying the secret message to our children that they are too young to know the world and too young to be socialized. The crisis it leads to is that the children grow up not knowing how to accustoming themselves to the society and bring about a better future. [/size][/font]'x9B-F0k5{ n5Z
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4][color=red]你对社会化的理解有偏差[/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Though it is with great significance to socialize our children, it is also crucial to note that they should not be overly socialized. When a child grows up, he will go through some certain stages. At one stage, he might not be mature enough to make sense the information beyond his personal development. As parents, it is necessary to instruct the children so as to absorb suitable and helpful information. Besides, apart from the importance of socialization, it is indispensable for a child to be cultivated to understand the basic qualities like honesty, persistence, independence, etc. The world is changing, but these fundamental qualities as man will never fade away. [/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]In short, it is valuable to raise our children by properly socializing them as well as teaching them the basic qualities so as to bring about a better future.[/size][/font]
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[color=red][font=Times New Roman][size=4]仅看你的文字，已经具备5分的水平，但是你的内容很成问题。这道题需要我们对社会化这个概念有一定的认识。 你的一些观点说明你并不懂什么叫社会化。 [/size][/font]@9n d&M@ `
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[size=4]Socialization[/size]
[size=3]From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization#column-one][size=3][color=#0000ff]navigation[/color][/size][/url][size=3], [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization#searchInput][size=3][color=#0000ff]search[/color][/size][/url]2X O/l Cv2FN#Q&m
[size=3]This article is about the sociological term. For the economic term, see [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nationalization][size=3][color=#0000ff]Nationalization[/color][/size][/url][size=3]. For the other use, see [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fascist_socialization][size=3][color=#0000ff]Fascist socialization[/color][/size][/url][size=3].W/E+H*^ Q P
[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:US-hoosier-family.jpg][size=3][img=180,135]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b7/US-hoosier-family.jpg/180px-US-hoosier-family.jpg[/img][/size][/url][size=3] [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:US-hoosier-family.jpg][size=3][img=15,11]http://en.wikipedia.org/skins-1.5/common/images/magnify-clip.png[/img][/size][/url]
[size=3]A [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family][size=3][color=#0000ff]family[/color][/size][/url][size=3] posing for a [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Group_photo&action=edit&redlink=1][size=3][color=#0000ff]group photo[/color][/size][/url][size=3] socializes together.
The term [b]socialization[/b] is used by [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociology][size=3][color=#0000ff]sociologists[/color][/size][/url][size=3], social [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology][size=3][color=#0000ff]psychologists[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education][size=3][color=#0000ff]educationalists[/color][/size][/url][size=3] to refer to the process of learning one’s [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture][size=3][color=#0000ff]culture[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and how to live within it. For the individual it provides the resources necessary for acting and participating within their society. For the society, inducting all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles, language and symbols is the ‘means by which social and cultural continuity are attained’ (Clausen 1968: 5).$PDZ y ~ K@
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[size=3][[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=1][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] SocializationClausen claim that theories of socialization are to be found in [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plato][size=3][color=#0000ff]Plato[/color][/size][/url][size=3], [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montaigne][size=3][color=#0000ff]Montaigne[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rousseau][size=3][color=#0000ff]Rousseau[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and he identifies a dictionary entry from 1828 that defines ‘socialize’ as ‘to render social, to make fit for living in society’ (1968: 20-1). However it was the response to a translation of a paper by [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Simmel][size=3][color=#0000ff]George Simmel[/color][/size][/url][size=3] that brought the term and the idea of acquiring social norms and values into the writing of American sociologists F. P. Giddings and [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._A._Ross][size=3][color=#0000ff]E. A. Ross[/color][/size][/url][size=3] in the 1890s. In the 1920s the theme of socialization was taken up by Chicago sociologists, including [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernest_Burgess][size=3][color=#0000ff]Ernest Burgess[/color][/size][/url][size=3], and the process of learning how to be a member of society was explored in the work of [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Cooley][size=3][color=#0000ff]Charles Cooley[/color][/size][/url][size=3], [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W._I._Thomas][size=3][color=#0000ff]W. I. Thomas[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Mead][size=3][color=#0000ff]George Mead[/color][/size][/url][size=3]. Clausen goes on to track the way the concept was incorporated into various branches of psychology and [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropology][size=3][color=#0000ff]anthropology[/color][/size][/url][size=3] (1968: 31-52).[/size]
[size=3]Based on the joint study of Shanta and Narayan, Nepal Institute of Health ScienceG#@0o c+UU1]i l
In the middle of the twentieth century socialization was a key idea in the dominant American functionalist tradition of sociology. [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talcott_Parsons][size=3][color=#0000ff]Talcott Parsons[/color][/size][/url][size=3] (Parsons and Bales 1956) and a group of colleagues in the US developed a comprehensive theory of society that responded to the emergence of modernity in which the concept of socialization was a central component. One of their interests was to try to understand the relationship between the individual and society – a distinctive theme in US sociology since the end of the nineteenth century. Ely Chinoy, in a 1960s standard textbook on sociology, says that socialization serves two major functions:
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[indent][size=3]On the one hand, it prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, providing him with the necessary repertoire of habits, beliefs, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. On the other hand, by communicating the contents of culture from one generation to the other, it provides for its persistence and continuity. (Chinoy, 1961: 75)
[/size][/indent][size=3]For many reasons – not least his excessive approval of modern American life as the model social system and his inability to see how gender, race and class divisions discriminated against individuals in ways that were unjustifiable – [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neofunctionalism_%28sociology%29#Parsonian_Thinking][size=3][color=#0000ff]Parsonian functionalism[/color][/size][/url][size=3] faded in popularity in the 1970s. Reacting to the functionalist notion of socialization English sociologist [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_White][size=3][color=#0000ff]Graham White[/color][/size][/url][size=3], writing in 1977 said:
[/size][indent][size=3]… it is no longer enough to focus on the malleability and passivity of the individual in the face of all powerful social influences. Without some idea about the individual’s own activity in shaping his social experience our perspective of socialisation becomes distorted. (White 1977: 5).
[/size][/indent][size=3]During the last quarter of the twentieth century the concept of ‘socialization’ has been much less central to debates in sociology that have shifted their focus from identifying the functions of institutions and systems to describing the cultural changes of postmodernity. But the idea of socialization has lived on, particularly in debates about the family and education. The institutions of the family or the school are often blamed for their failure to socialize individuals who go on to transgress social norms. On the other hand, it is through a critique of functionalist ideas about socialization that there has been an increasing acceptance of a variety of family forms, of gender roles and an increasing tolerance of variations in the ways people express their social identity.R%d6E3LzS1Es
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[[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=2][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Forms of socialization[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociology][size=3][color=#0000ff]Sociologists[/color][/size][/url][size=3] may distinguish six kinds of socialization:
[/size][list][*][size=3]Reverse socialization[/size][*][size=3]Developmental socialization[/size][*][size=3]Primary socialization[/size][*][size=3]Secondary socialization[/size][*][size=3]Anticipatory socialization[/size][*][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resocialization][size=3][color=#0000ff]Resocialization[/color][/size][/url][/list][size=3][b]Primary socialization[/b] Primary socialization is the process whereby people learn the attitudes, values, and actions appropriate to individuals as members of a particular culture.
For example if a child saw his/her mother expressing a discriminatory opinion about a minority group, then that child may think this behaviour is acceptable and could continue to have this opinion about minority groups.
[b]Secondary socialization[/b] Secondary socialization refers to process of learning what is appropriate behavior as a member of a smaller group within the larger society. It is usually associated with teenagers and adults, and involves smaller changes than those occurring in primary socialization. eg. entering a new profession, relocating to a new environment or society.M N&{/H#dB$^
[b]Developmental socialization[/b] Developmental socialization is the process of learning behavior in a social institution or developing your social skills.Bki"|q N(c:S9fb/L
[b]Anticipatory socialization[/b] Anticipatory socialization refers to the processes of socialization in which a person "rehearses" for future positions, occupations, and social relationships.f8J*OQ'X
[b]Resocialization[/b] Resocialization refers to the process of discarding former behavior patterns and accepting new ones as part of a transition in one's life. This occurs throughout the human life cycle (Schaefer & Lamm, 1992: 113). Resocialization can be an intense experience, with the individual experiencing a sharp break with their past, and needing to learn and be exposed to radically different norms and values. An example might be the experience of a young man or woman leaving home to join the military.%D5^1M8G j2q&v)x&S.G
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[[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=3][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Agents of SocializationAgents of socialization are the people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior. (Henslin, 2006) X;B:Y/D0A;w F
[/size][list=1][*][size=3]The [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family][size=3][color=#0000ff]Family[/color][/size][/url][size=3]. Family is responsible for, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion][size=3][color=#0000ff]religion[/color][/size][/url][size=3] and establishing [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Career][size=3][color=#0000ff]career[/color][/size][/url][size=3] goals.[/size][*][size=3]The [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School][size=3][color=#0000ff]School[/color][/size][/url][size=3]. The school is the agency responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society.[/size][*][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peer_group][size=3][color=#0000ff]Peer groups[/color][/size][/url][size=3]. Peers refer to people who are roughly the same age and/or who share other social characteristics (e.g., students in a college class).[/size][*][size=3]The [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_Media][size=3][color=#0000ff]Mass Media[/color][/size][/url][size=3].[/size][*][size=3]Other Agents: Religion, Work Place, The State.[/size][/list]9Y o ~8v:D
[size=3][[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=4][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Media and socializationTheorists like Parsons and textbook writers like Ely Chinoy (1960) and Harry M. Johnson (1961) recognised that socialization didn’t stop when childhood ended. They realized that socialization continued in adulthood, but they treated it as a form of specialised education. Johnson (1961), for example, wrote about the importance of inculcating members of the US Coastguard with a set of values to do with responding to commands and acting in unison without question.
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Later scholars accused these theorists of socialization of not recognising the importance of the [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_media][size=3][color=#810081]mass media[/color][/size][/url][size=3] which, by the middle of the twentieth century were becoming more significant as a social force. There was concern about the link between television and the education and socialization of children – it continues today – but when it came to adults, the mass media were regarded merely as sources of information and entertainment rather than moulders of personality. According to these scholars, they were wrong to overlook the importance of mass media in continuing to transmit the culture to adult members of society.[[i][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed][color=#0000ff]citation needed[/color][/url][/i]](d"Z-t`V \s`+e w
In the middle of the twentieth century the pace of cultural change was accelerating, yet Parsons and others wrote of culture as something stable into which children needed to be introduced but which adults could simply live within. As members of society we need to continually refresh our ‘repertoire of habits, beliefs, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge’ as Chinoy (1961: 75) put it.
Some sociologists and theorists of culture have recognised the power of mass communication as a socialization device. [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Dennis_McQuail&action=edit&redlink=1][size=3][color=#0000ff]Dennis McQuail[/color][/size][/url][size=3] recognises the argument: cr?}{
[/size][indent][size=3]… the media can teach norms and values by way of symbolic reward and punishment for different kinds of behaviour as represented in the media. An alternative view is that it is a learning process whereby we all learn how to behave in certain situations and the expectations which go with a given role or status in society. Thus the media are continually offering pictures of life and models of behaviour in advance of actual experience. (McQuail 2005: 494)
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[size=3][[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=5][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Total institutionsThe term "[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_institution][size=3][color=#0000ff]total institutions[/color][/size][/url][size=3]" was coined in 1963 by [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erving_Goffman][size=3][color=#0000ff]Erving Goffman[/color][/size][/url][size=3], designed to describe a society which is socially isolated but still provides for all the needs of its members. Therefore, total institutions have the ability to resocialize people either voluntarily or involuntarily. For example, the following would be considered as total institutions: prisons, the military, mental hospitals and convents (Schaefer & Lamm, 1992: 113).h#{r F+HV O:m
Goffman lists four characteristics of such institutions: U3S5aQ5hY:X
[/size][list][*][size=3]All aspects of life are conducted in the same place and under the same single authority.[/size][*][size=3]Each phase of a members daily activity is carried out in the immediate company of others. All members are treated alike and all members do the same thing together.[/size][*][size=3]Daily activities are tightly scheduled. All activity is superimposed upon the individual by a system of explicit formal rules.[/size][*][size=3]A single rational plan exists to fulfill the goals of the institution...[/size][/list]
[size=3][[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=6][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Gender socialization and gender rolesHenslin (1999:76) contends that "an important part of socialization is the learning of culturally defined gender roles." Gender socialization refers to the learning of behavior and attitudes considered appropriate for a given sex. Boys learn to be boys and girls learn to be girls. This "learning" happens by way of many different agents of socialization. The family is certainly important in reinforcing [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_roles][size=3][color=#0000ff]gender roles[/color][/size][/url][size=3], but so are one’s friends, school, work and the mass media. Gender roles are reinforced through "countless subtle and not so subtle ways" (1999:76).
[[/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Socialization&action=edit§ion=7][size=3][color=#0000ff]edit[/color][/size][/url][size=3]] Resocialization[b]Resocialization[/b] is a [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociology][size=3][color=#0000ff]sociological[/color][/size][/url][size=3] concept dealing with the process of mentally and emotionally "re-training" a person so that he or she can operate in an environment other than that which he or she is accustomed to. Resocialization into a total institution involves a complete change of personality. Key examples include the process of resocializing new recruits into the [/size][url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military][size=3][color=#0000ff]military[/color][/size][/url][size=3] so that they can operate as soldiers (or, in other words, as members of a cohesive unit) and the reverse process, in which those who have become accustomed to such roles return to society after military discharge.
[i]Main article: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resocialization][color=#0000ff]resocialization[/color][/url][/i][/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-4 00:24 编辑 [/i]] 接楼上的，忘了打提纲了。。。不好意思。。。补上！！
1、人们可以选择生活的。
2、在一些情况下我们的确不能进行选择。 X;i)Ei h |O~
3、因为我们有毅力所以可以进行选则和改变生活。
4、有些东西是不能先天得到的，使人们后天选择的结果。0q}{!j3c~%u vP
5、尽管有事不能选择，但我们还是有很大的空间选择和决定我们的生活。
第160题，thank u~
[size=4]考试时间：7月28日 成都用的时间：没有限时，大约1个半小时
字数：537G6^z k.qEV
ps: 这是第二篇作文，由于水平实在有限，没有限时；另外，因为我word的版本暂时没有纠错功能，所以只有请您多费费时间了~ 万望老师多多指教！感激不尽！！！另外请教您一个问题 看机经的高频是看全国还是看要考的那个地区的？[/size](wu} b9~ j;U!y
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[size=4][color=red]机经的问题我也不太了解[/color]::z8
160."The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
提纲：1 首段表明观点：将作者观点分为两个，反对第一句，赞成第二句。'xM APfQ$@P)q!Q
2 先让步，承认第二句：领导如果很容易受到大众化观点的影响，那他就一事无成，举了两个例子。
3 说明在某些特定情况尤其是在政治领域领导需要多听取公众意见。FlYVljs_c
4 结尾：总结全文，指出领导既要有自己的判断，又要认真听取大众的意见。5?f-e g/?"p ]"?1M-{)?
The speaker’s assertion that the ability to stand by the given principles and objectives is the most fundamental quality of an effective leader amounts to an unfair generalization, in my point of view. Whether to follow his or her principles and objectives [color=red]is [/color]depend on what sorts of occasion they meets. Nonetheless, I basically agree that the leader who are easily influenced by the common wisdom will achieve little. [/size]
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There is no denying the fact that the leaders who are quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will probably accomplish little: If their views change easily from time to time, which would result in the confusion of their followers, they will lose their supporters, which, leads to the failure of their carrer eventually. Thus, effective leader should persist to the desired goal on certain situation, no matter what difficulties may encumber the tough procedure. To illustrate this point, here are some instances that are very persuasive. If a director of the clothing factory which aims at young people always follows the present fad which is under change all the time, they will fall behind the fashion soon. But if they makes his or her own decision according to his or her recognition of fashion, it is possible for the clothes designed by his or her factory to get ahead of the tendency and success ultimatelly. Another telling examples of this involves that Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world as well as a prominent leader, established the Microsoft company by developing the software of personal computer which had been neglected by other computer companies before. If Bill Gates always follow other people’s step, he can not build his grandiose computer kingdom.
[color=red]感觉两个例子都不是很切题[/color]
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Nonetheless, it does not mean that a leader should always stick to his own particular principles and objectives, since listening to the voice from the public is significantly indispensable. This point is more sufficiently incarnated in the political realm: One little time neglect of a leader to popular opinion may ruin the leader's public basis and even do harm to the whole nation. For example, Abraham Lincoln [color=red]held the negative principle[/color] even after he won the election, but, to comply with the development of human civilzation, he changed his standpoint as the civil war started, by which, he additionally got more and more support which bacame his political capital later. Another telling instance is that considering the importance of hearing from the public, Hu Jing tao, the chairman of China, just had a close communication with people through the internet not long ago, which was highly upholded by the public and was beneficial for the nation’s decision-making as well. Hence, considering the situation before make a decision if a leader should insist on one principle would be a very important criterion to an effective leader. wm,U!d$V4H
[color=red]还是例子论证的问题。你自己检查一下，你这一段的要点是什么，你举的例子有没有支持这个要点。我觉得整个论证思路很不清晰。[/color]+]E9Jyw#T4L {0ya vH C
In conclusion, a qualified leader should, to some extent, keep his or her independent mind on the decision-making by complying with particular principles and objectives, but what is more important is that he or she should keep an open mind to popular or public opinions and adopt useful advices from them. If so, it is surly that they can lead his followers to a better future.
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[color=red]语言表达感觉还不错，内容需要加强。要做到观点鲜明、例证恰当。[/color][/size]WS _gK$d_
[[i] 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2008-7-4 00:30 编辑 [/i]] [size=4]还有10天啊，谢谢老师了。我想听真的想法[/size] W5F&xfC `.| T&t
[size=4]TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
WORDS: 434 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2008-6-16 上午 11:39:03[/size]q n3f z2~9p:Lk
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[size=4]The speaker claims that every person should, in a society, have a responsibility to obey just laws and, which is even more important, to disobey and reject laws that are considered unjust. At the first glance, the contention seems somewhat reasonable. However, closer reflection shows that it [color=red]suffers[/color] in some respect. In my point of view, disobeying and resisting unjust laws jeopardize the civil society, [color=red]so that[/color] I disagree with the speaker, for three reasons.[/size]
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[size=4]To begin with, one problem is with the distinction between just laws and the unjust.