Team 16 第17次活动【由threetigers107代发】
[b]Team 16 第17次活动: independent writing practice for the WHOLE WEEK[/b]Team Members (No. + ID):
1.ly-xiao653
2.bardin
3.BlueScorpion
4.chenximax
5.凤兮舞兮
6.nk_tomoyo
7.tuolingphecda
8.orangebug(welcome!)
9.threetigers107
10.tostudyinusa
[b]Goals: to improve our independent writing skills and receive high scores in iBT writing section.
[/b]
活动内容
每次活动写一篇independent writing的作文, 改一篇其他组员的作文
题库来自TWE185
每周两次活动
出题时间:每周五晚上和每周一晚上
交作业deadline: 每周一晚上2300(交上周五出的题)和每周五晚上2300(交本周一出的题)
规则
1.请各位组员一定要在deadline之前交自己写作文和批改的作文,以执行制定好的互改方案.
2.改作文时务必按照方案进行,不能随意改一个组员的作文或者不改. 这是基本的任务,希望大家严格执行.
另外有空可以看看不是自己改的组员的作文,借鉴经验,可以不改而只提出疑问和建议. 如果愿意多改,我们大力欢迎.
3.若因故不能参加某次活动请尽早请假,这样利于临时安排. 最好不要请假.
多次未能参加活动(会有参与记录的)的成员只能请你离开,寻找适于自己的写作练习小组.
4.发布
(1)请小组成员将拼写和基本语法错误自己在WORD上纠正之后发作文.
(2)作文直接发在帖子里.
(3)第n次活动的作文和批改都发在 “第n次活动专用贴”中.
(4)字体大小什么的就不要求了，字稍微大点容易看就好
5. 修改
(1)[color=red]红色[/color]表示错误，[color=blue]蓝色[/color]表示建议，[color=deepskyblue]绿色[/color]表示值得学习的词句.评论或注释请加上括号()
(2)请尽可能按照iBT的评分标准修改. 措辞造句和布局谋篇都要考虑
(3)批改的楼层请在标题一栏写上[color=red]on somebody[/color], 如批改的是我的作文就写on tostudyinusa
6.鼓励(非必须)在作文后面附上一个小[color=red]summary,[/color]说一下你的思路,列出points. 这样便于修改者理解你的文章,更好地来修改,并判断你是否达到了你的预期思路
7.以上方案是经大家讨论后一致同意的,如果有任何异议欢迎直接跟组长提出,再由组员商讨
[b]第17次活动
题目
A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child's development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.(185题库里的第142题）[/b]
[b]交作业Deadline: July 14th, 2008 Monday 23:00[/b]
互改安排
批改者 被批改者
ly-xiao653 threetigers107
bardin tostudyinusa
BlueScorpion ly-xiao653
chenximax bardin
凤兮舞兮 BlueScorpion
nk_tomoyo chenximax
tuolingphecda 凤兮舞兮
orangebug nk_tomoyo
threetigers107 tuolingphecda
tostudyinusa orangebug
这个题目应该属于是教育类的，是我在整理题目是随便相中的，呵呵。祝大家好运~::11 这个组，我能参加吗？ 同问 本周有点事，就先写了，抢了个头座::z1
The first gift a child get usually has a magic impact on him. A famous engineer may have ever gotten building blocks on his first birthday, and a well-known driver might have received a toy car gifted by his parents when he got a straight As in primary school. I would buy a powerful portable computer for my child to help him become a useful person.
Parents were used to ask their children to achieve a certain success which they have even dreamed of but failed to accomplish in their childhood. But as a wise parent, I want my child to run his own way to meet the real world, to become the very person he admire, and to figure his character independently. A computer served as a guider will instruct children to model their own life style step by step, while no other gifts have this function, even a well-designed machine dog thought of harmless can lead them rebel the road, established by God, to become a vet. Children can make friends, acquire useful information, and peer at the real world, via the e-mail system, by skimming the web page, or with the help of chatting software.
Furthermore, after entering the information era, the skill of manipulating a computer is a required technique which links to daily life of human and everyone should know. My father, a very old man in my eyes, found it is quite difficult to use a computer, even to skip news with IE (he has never been taught how to spell the words.), which I think is the simplest thing in the world. Although my father might have not caught up with the pace of the fast developed society, I hope my child to adapt to it swift. According to this view, I would give him a computer, which can accompany him at the lonely time. Moreover, from thinking a computer as a quadrate box to using a computer adroitly, children, instead of just knowing how to click the mouse or operating windows, can learn a fixed way, the framework of handling with an unfamiliar thing, which they can transfer to other things which they meet in their future.
However different people have different opinions about gifts, even opposite ones, I would buy a computer for my child from the aspects of technique and daily life.
第一段， 送电脑
第二段， 原因一：有助于孩子独立自主的成长
第三段， 原因二：必不可缺的技术
第四段， 结尾 [quote]原帖由 [i]jiandanxiaoyu[/i] 于 2008-7-7 23:45 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12061681&ptid=1083665][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
这个组，我能参加吗？ [/quote]
我们组长暂时不再呢，不过好像人都满了。。。 不是来了两个了吗？那不就正好了？组长什么时候回来啊？ 我先贴一个吧，如果有愿意帮我改的组员，帮我改一下，我也会很认真修改你的作文，谢谢了，希望能共同进步！
142. A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop?
It has been demonstrated that children’s development is often influenced significantly by the gifts they receive from people who always pay attention to their growth. Consequently, people, especially educators and parents, pay more attention to how to guide children’s education effectively including preschool education. However, it have been long periods during which there exist a enormous number of debates about the gifts which can explore children’s intelligence and inspire their confidence. In my opinion, computers could be ideal gifts aiming at fostering children’s development.
First of all, computers always turn general and theoretical items into concrete details and ideas. The common sense and intuition tell us that a lot of conceptions and theories are very abstract, recondite and beyond our life. Therefore, it is no surprise that it is hard will take long time to learn them and have a comprehensive understanding for an amateur or novice. However, computers can provide a large quantity of information, videos and even records of some outstanding experts related to the conceptions and theories. With the help of computers, most of conceptions and theories are visualized and categorized and also there are a large number of passages related to these conceptions. As a result, children can grasp the main points and put them into applications quickly. For example, the term “economic crisis” and “inflation” have no meanings to the children on the grounds that they are totally beyond their life abstract and complicated, however, with the help of computer, it is much easier for them to understand the once notoriously recondite conceptions through some examples, such as great depression or Asian economic crisis they can look up the related information via internet with the help of computer.
In addition, computers can accompany children when their parents cannot spare time to be with them. With the development of society, a soaring number of parents have to devote themselves to their work and have no enough time to concentrate on their offspring. This is a critical reason why recently the rate of delinquency criminals is dramatically gradually high. However, if children’s parents offer their child a computer, the situation will be reversed on the grounds that children will devote themselves to academic study and will not be out on the streets causing trouble rather than involving in some violent or erotic programs.
Finally, now we have stepped into information era, the computer is an indispensable tool for people, therefore it will be beneficial for them if they are able to operate computer as soon as possible. In addition, computer games which were once blamed for distracting students from their study are popular in the world and will be actively influence on the children. From the computer games, children will gradually have the skills to communicate and cooperate with others, which will be the corner stones for individual success.
Admittedly, computer will impact negative effects on children, such as health and psychological problems, but the mere fact offer us no reasons to deny the fact that computer will accelerate individual growth for the above mentioned reasons. And now I am saying that, upon due reflection, it is plausible and sagacious to give a computer to children as a present. [quote]原帖由 [i]jiandanxiaoyu[/i] 于 2008-7-10 21:25 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12091870&ptid=1083665][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
我先贴一个吧，如果有愿意帮我改的组员，帮我改一下，我也会很认真修改你的作文，谢谢了，希望能共同进步！
142. A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s developme ... [/quote]
时间不多，修改一点 [size=3]The choice of gift has always be a hard decision to make.There are a number of factors need to be taken account for, and one of the most important factors is the usability of the gift. Expressly, the gift for children needs to be helpful in their personal development. If I have to buy a child a gift, I am most likely to send a set of encyclopedia, which I think would contribute to the child's development the most. The reasons of my choice of gift are elaborated as the following:
[/size][size=3]
[/size][size=3]It is indisputable today that knowledge is the most powerful weapon in one's life. Thus it is important for children to pick up the habit of study at a young age. This is a habit that they will benefit from for their whole lives. At a young age, children often appear to be curious about the world around, they frequently ask questions. However, parents are not always patient and knowledgeable enough to answer every single question for their children. This is the time that a set of encyclopedia can help.Children can find answers for most of their questions in the books. While reading the encyclopedia, children not only expand their deposit of knowledge,but also develop the ability to teach themselves, which is a crucial ability demanded in the future study.
[/size][size=3]
[/size][size=3]Moreover, the information provides by the encyclopedia is reliable. Although nowadays, there are other means such as internet can access children to knowledge, none can be comparative to encyclopedia in the reliability. Encyclopedia is carefully revised by the most authorial professors and bachelors in the world, so the information inside is trustful.It is critical to ensure that the knowledge that children are assimilating is accurate and true. Otherwise it would be difficult to correctthem later on.[/size][size=3]
[/size][size=3]Last but not least, encyclopedia will be their company for their whole lives. The knowledge contained in the books is of all ranges, natural sciences, human science, languages, etc. When children moved on to higher level of study, they will still need to refer back to the encyclopedia sometimes. The old saying that commonly believed said that study can never end until the death, encyclopedia perfectly evinces this belief. It may take children' whole lifetime to assimilate the knowledge in the encyclopedia.
[/size][size=3]
[/size][size=3]All in all, I would give a set of encyclopedia to help a child develop for the reasons that it can help children gain knowledge, provide reliable source of information, and can accompany children for their whole lifetime.
复述题目第一段，引出答案，百科全书
第二段，说明百科全书帮助孩子学习
第三段，百科全书提供的信息可靠真实
第四段，百科全书将陪伴孩子一生的成长
最后，总结一下
35分钟完成，最后5分钟才想出第三个点
诶……
[/size] 这个组的活动进行的非常的好
回复 10# benz2015 的帖子
嘿嘿 `强烈支持本组老大负责的工作的`虽然暂时离开TEAM 16
但是仍然觉的很荣幸曾经加入过16```
回复 8# DrunkCappuccino 的帖子
强烈感谢啊！！！！不过怎么就改了第一段啊？ 我可不可以参加呀？ 我回来了，感谢threetigers107！::z1关于新组员的事情还要再看，会尽快答复，我眼睛睁不开了...::z6
非常感谢各位板油以及两位版主的支持！::83 chenximax去美国了，请假两次 [quote]原帖由 [i]jiandanxiaoyu[/i] 于 2008-7-11 14:40 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12098623&ptid=1083665][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
强烈感谢啊！！！！不过怎么就改了第一段啊？ [/quote]uqi
对不起，我自己小忙
回复 16# DrunkCappuccino 的帖子
呵呵，蛮感谢T版版主的，希望以后常来看看team 16的作文啊。修改一下，提点建议什么的，是多是少都可以::z1 [font=新細明體][size=14pt]In order to enhance a child's development, parents as well as teachers prepared many presents. Some parents select a camera as a present; others choose a computer; still others pick up books. There are good reasons in each selection; however, I think that a dictionary is helpful to children's growth for two key reasons.[/size][/font][font=新細明體][size=14pt]Firstly, children are free to look words up in a dictionary. During their study, it is unavoidably to meet problems about the words, phrases, indioms, and so forth. At this moment, a dictionary seen as a tool, plays a significant role in their study. For example, in my country, teachers in primary school instruct their sturdents how to use a dictionary from second grade. Even a word taught in school, it is impossible to memorize all meanings of the word; thus to overcome the problems from vocabulary, a dictionary is the best choise. [/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]Secondly, cousulting a dictionary provides children with opportunities to solve problems by themselves; therefore, they start to face their challenge independently. For example, Jason, my little brother, never asked me an unlearned word when my father gave him a dictionary as a present. Although there were still many words he had never learned, he was able to find out their meanings by himself. Therefore, a dictionary encourage a child to become an independent one to face his problem.[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]Thirdly, a dictionary lists all the meanings and usages of a word, thus saving us much time. For instance, when I was a student, I often confused about the usages of "each" and " every". Almost when I forgot the difference between these two words, my dictionary gave me a favor to overcame this problem. For there are also many words, with similar meanings and diverse usages, explained in examples or illustrations in a dictionary, it makes our study efficient.[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]In fact, there are also some children cannot use a dictionary, even their teachers and parents had already taught them many times. However, to look words up in a dictionary by theirselves, to experience independence, to save time, are the reasons why I choose a dictionary as a gift to a child.[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]選擇字典當禮物[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]第一個原因是小孩可以查生字[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]第二個原因是小孩可以學習獨立[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]第三個原因是字典將意思和相近用法列出可以省時[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=14pt]最後結論[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=12pt]Gifts never fail to fascinate the kids for they bring novelty experiences and satisfy the curiosity of children. In fact, elaborately selected presents may exert subtle influence on the development of kids because in most cases, the youngsters value their gifts. If it were my choice, a seal would be beneficial to a child for the reason that it contributes to form the self-image of him or her and further establish a sense a responsibility.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]Generally speaking, a kid usually tries to be equal to his peers regarding the manner they dress, the way they communicate and the way they act. The last thing a child may want to do is to stand out and be treated as different for the simple reason that children are normally eager to be accepted by his friends of the same age. Therefore, it can be tough to build the awareness of individuality in a child. However, a simple seal as a gift may help. Just like personal signature, a seal acts as a symbol of one unique person. Whenever a kid draws a picture or writes an article, he would feel excited to put his name on it using his own seal. A seal functions as a cachet of originality, so people spontaneously recognize the creativity of a certain child. Consequently, a child stands for a particular self, an individual that distinguishes from any other kid.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]Furthermore, a seal is conducive to building the sense of responsibility within a child. It is always the case that a kid easily makes a guarantee and then takes his promises back afterwards. This is pretty much a venial mistake for a child and does not seem to hurt anyone else. Nonetheless, this behavior is harmful to the own development of this child because real responsibility increases as he grows older, and a youngster has to learn to assume responsibility or he may get confused when entering adolescence or adulthood. With an informal written document and a seal, a child learns better and faster of the importance of keeping a promise and being responsible for what he has said and done. The process can be conducted as an imitation of formal agreement, and when the child impresses the paper with his seal, he can feel the holiness of his promises and the faith from others. Gradually, children can acquire deeper consciousness of responsibility and trust.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=3]SUMMARY[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=3]我写的是具有中国特色的印章，其实是来自我自己的经历[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=3]两个理由，一个是可以是小孩子更有自我意识，因为印章和签名一样，代表一个独特的个人[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=3]另一个理由是可以帮助小朋友更有责任心。[/size][/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-14 23:14 编辑 [/i]]
回复 7# jiandanxiaoyu 的帖子
感覺第一個原因的主題句應該寫小孩可以用電腦來獲得資訊將理論轉為實際
原句貌似電腦將理論轉實際感覺怪怪的
第二個理由
This is a critical reason why recently the rate of delinquency criminals is dramatically gradually high.
這句覺得不需要出現
另外關於電腦可以怎樣陪小孩的論述也較不足
第三個理由看不太懂
感覺每一個都可以當一個理由來寫
整體來說
字彙比我高一級
句式感覺短句少了點 昨天光顾着练口语没时间写作文了，今晚补交哈，真的很抱歉。现在要早点会宿舍了，校园里都没什么人，晚了怪恐怖的~
补充
deadline不是昨天晚上吗？难道大家都和我一样忘了::14回复 22# threetigers107 的帖子
凤兮舞兮，chenximax，nk_tomoyo请假了bluescorpion申请晚一点交 [font=Times New Roman]In ancient times, parents would give their children, if girls, dolls, wishing them to be gentle women and if boys, swords expecting them to grow into brave [color=red]warriors[/color]. But nowadays, there are so many kinds of toys that parents feel hard sometimes to decide what gift would be the most [color=red]beneficial[/color] to children's intellectual development while attracting them. Some parents just without careful consideration give their children whatever they like, others present them nothing but books and pencils, confining them in a room to study, which would be a nightmare for children and may exert negative effect on them. In my opinion, a pet like a dog is the most appropriate gift for children.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Animal is the best friend of human beings and a pet would be a perfect companion and close friend for a child, especially in the one-child-only Chinese family. In China, most family has only one child and more and more parents both go to work, leaving the child at home alone either with the company of television or grandparents. Watching television is a good way of killing time, but if children watch too much, they will indulge themselves [color=red]in [/color]it, which would hinder their further development. Although grandparents surely will take care of their grandchildren, due to generation gap, it is likely that children will feel lonely. If their is a pet, say a dog, to be with he/her, the child would feel much better, since he/she can play with it and take care of it, which would bring he/she much more fun. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Let children take care of a pet would foster loving feelings in their hearts, so that they will care more about living things, including plants, other animals, and humans. They will gradually care more about animals and their habitats, the environment I mean, so that the awareness of environmental protection will root in their hearts. If we want to protect our environment, it is of [color=red]ut[/color]most importance to educate our young generation to love the Planet and all living things on it. My little ne[color=red]ph[/color]ew, since she becomes the 'mother' of her beloved puppy, would not want to hurt even a fly! [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Moreover, tendering a pet would also help children to assume responsibility. For instance, give a child a dog as a pet and tell him/her that the dog belongs to him/her, so he/she is the one who should be responsible for the dog. The dog needs to be told how to eat and where to p[color=red]iss[/color]; if it is ill, the child should learn to take care of it. Since the dog belongs to his/her own, he/she would really feel the weight of the responsibility of caring for a dog and take it very seriously. So it would help the child learn to take responsibilities from childhood. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Word Count: 459[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]1. 1. [/font][font=宋体]开头啰嗦了一大堆，指出送宠物最好[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]2. 2. [/font][font=宋体]宠物能给孩子带来欢乐[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]3. 3. [/font][font=宋体]能培养孩子的爱心[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]4. 4. [/font][font=宋体]能培养孩子的责任感[/font]
[font=宋体]写到最好没时间了，前面总是很慢，后面就写的很急促，虾蟹一通。。。现在发现字数基本上能上四百，就是废话太多，颠来倒去都这几个词和句式，感觉近来写作没什么进步了。。。可能因为最近忙的都没时间看大家的作文，感觉落下好多。。。[/font] TO ly-xiao653:首先说声抱歉，没有及时改。其次想请求一下，可不可以我自己先写完再改你的，我怕改了以后会受影响，今天改No.16以后就感觉思维受限了。可以吗？
回复 25# blue_scorpion 的帖子
17次的写作是应该昨晚交17次的修改下次交18次写作的时候才是deadline啊
每次交作业是本次活动的写作和上次活动的修改嘛
所以现在完全可以先写自己的17次再改17次ly-xiao653::16
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-15 20:56 编辑 [/i]]
发晚了对不起
According to the statistics, a meaningful gift plays a very significant role in child’s growth. What’s more, some specific gifts can even put a lasting positive impact on children’s future study and work life. So the parents should make a serious decision to choose a suitable gift for their kinds. From my own point, the basketball is proper gift which can do helpful for the development of children.There is no doubt that basketball is a team game which can greatly improve players’ social skills. Through playing basketball, children can get recognition of cooperation and make many new friends. Because only cooperating with teammates and learn to compromise partners’ faults they can achieve the victory of the competition, basketball is a good chance to exercise children’s social skills. Otherwise, as offspring play basketball with other 9 individuals, it’s easy to meet diversity persons and make friends.
Moreover, basketball also can help a child to build strong body. It’s evident that health is the basic demand for everybody. If persons are vulnerable for sickness, it can do a lot of limits for their career and routine life. However unfortunately, because of the advancement of living standards, more and more children get too much nutrition but little exercise which has caused the fat sickness is prevailing among youth. Basketball is an easy game that every one can get in it quickly, so it’s suitable for many children to exercise. Playing basketball 2 or three times a week can build strong bones and muscles, keep children in fit, help kids to attain higher stature, and improve the function of heart. Therefore basketball is a pretty good gift to help children to grow the habit of sports.
In addition, basketball is a useful ability which can bring many benefits to children. Nowadays more and more people like watching and playing basketball, so it seems that every student, especially male student, play it occasionally in school. Then if one wants to blend in a fresh school life soon, he/she must learn basketball more or less, because it’s the best way to learn the new environment by the means of a basketball game.
Basketball, as a gift for children, can be very favorable. It is not only a useful ability, but also help children to build good health and social skills. As I see it, it is beneficial for children both physically and mentally. So undoubtedly I will choose it as the gift to help children develop.
这文没什么特色...28分钟完成
on lyxiao653帮忙改的，bluescorpion改了的话我正好也看看~
[color=red][font=Times New Roman]On lyxiao653[/font][/color][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]With the increasing income gap between rich and poor, common people are becoming used to [color=red](getting used to) [/color]complain that some celebrities, such as athletes, singers, and film stars, did [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]do [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]not deserve their high salaries, perhaps millions of dollars per year, according to their contribution to the society. However, I maintain that they can accept rewards-money, esteem, [color=red]and[/color] honor-undebatably[color=red] (undisputedly), [/color]which is [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]are[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]equal with the value they create to the whole world.
People always think it is not fair that the money they earn by working for a year is less than that the singers acquire though singing five or six songs in a theatre. This phenomenon is very common. The truth is that people usually ignore that those entertainers have to spend lots of time ([color=#3366ff]on practice) [/color]and make a surprising effort to ensure no mistakes made on the stage [color=red]while appraising them ([/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个和前面主谓部分拉的太开了，一下子没看懂什么意思，我觉得这样不太好，容易产生歧义[/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][size=12pt])[/size][size=12pt]. For instance, when you are relaxing yourself, watching TV or chatting online, these famous people may be rehearsing outdoors under a hot sun, or doing an interview by certain journalists[color=red] with an air-stomach[/color] ([/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个可以用来表示空腹吗？没搜到这个用法啊[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]). Moreover, there are some unpredictable accidents athletes or entertainers may encounter. A muscle problem may disable athletes[color=red] from[/color] walking when they get older, [color=#3366ff](and) [/color]using voice cord excessively can result in aphonia [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（好专业的词汇啊）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman].
[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（这里强调他们的努力工作，但没有突出使他们值得高薪的贡献，这个应该是关键）[/size][/font][size=12pt]
[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, the universe is running under[color=red] a proverbial rule-exchange equally [/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（没看懂这句话的意思。。。抱歉哈）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman], so anything which rebel[color=red]s [/color]this rule will be eliminated by the nature([/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]这话说的太绝对了。。。，不太适合。。。，而且到底要表达什么意思呢？[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]). Although currency plays an important role in everyone’s life, we can not measure every contribution made by people in term[color=red]s[/color] of money. Contributions can be classified by functions: creating new property to the people, which is tangible asset; appeasing people’s hearts, which is invisible but really existent. So we can not simply estimate athletes’ behavior on the racing ground, even think running,[color=red] their only activities[/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（我觉得这个说法不太合适）[/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][size=12pt],[/size][size=12pt] is useless for our country[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]（那到底有什麽用呢？）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]. Singing a song, for example is more than a physical [color=red]progress [/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]process of[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]）[/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][size=12pt]by [/size][size=12pt]vibrating one’s voice cord[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]（我觉得这两个地方都是话讲了一半）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]. When we feel anxious, listening country music can calm down our feelings. When we feel faint, pop music could encourage us to fight with troubles. When we have nothing to do, classical music can teach us to comprehend the elegance of nature.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（感觉不是很有说服力）[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]（这段的观点是他们的贡献是不能用金钱来衡量的。那么到底应该是低薪还是高薪呢？没讲明）[/size][/font][size=12pt]
[font=Times New Roman]From all mentioned above, I can safely make a conclusion that those famous people deserve their salaries which conform to their contributions to the society and their efforts, [color=red]maybe little talent[/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]（这个什么意思？是接在[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]conform to [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]的后面还是形容[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]people[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]？）[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman].
[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]第一段，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]提出问题，同意[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]第二段，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]成功背后的付出[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]第三段，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]不能用钱来衡量他们的贡献[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]第四段，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]结尾[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]点题[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size]
帮忙发修改帖 chenximax on bardin
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In order to enhance a child's development, parents as well as teachers prepared many presents. Some parents select a camera as a present; others choose a computer; still others pick up books. There are good reasons in each selection; however, I think that a dictionary is helpful to children's growth for two key reasons.[/font][/size][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Firstly, children are free to look words up in a dictionary. During their study, it is unavoidably[/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]unavoidable[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] to meet problems about the words, phrases, indioms[color=red](idioms[/color]), and so forth. At this moment, a dictionary seen as a tool, plays a significant role in their study. For example, in my country, teachers in primary school instruct their students[color=red](students)[/color] how to use a dictionary from second grade. Even a word taught in school, it is impossible to memorize all meanings of the word; thus to overcome the problems from vocabulary, a dictionary is the best choise. [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Secondly, cousulting([color=red]consulting)[/color] a dictionary provides children with opportunities to solve problems by themselves; therefore, they start to face their challenge independently. For example, Jason, my little brother, never asked me an unlearned word when my father gave him a dictionary as a present. Although there were still many words he had never learned, he was able to find out their meanings by himself. Therefore, a dictionary encourage[color=red]s[/color] a child to become an independent one to face his problem.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Thirdly, a dictionary lists all the meanings and usages of a word, thus saving us much time. For instance, when I was a student, I often confused about the usages of "each" and " every". Almost when I forgot the difference between these two words, my dictionary gave me a favor to overcame[color=red](overcome[/color]) this problem. [color=red]For(for[/color][/font][/size][font=宋体][color=red][size=14pt]做原因时应该是不能放在句首的，只能放在逗号后，还是用[/size][/color][/font][font=Times New Roman][color=red][size=14pt]because)[/size][/color][size=14pt] there are [color=blue]also(still)[/color] many words, with similar meanings and diverse usages, [color=red]explained([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][color=red][size=14pt]主语应该是名词活动名词。[/size][/color][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][color=red]) in[/color][color=red](by)[/color] examples or illustrations in a dictionary, it makes our study efficient.[/font][/size][font=宋体][color=red][size=14pt]两个句子不能用逗号连接。[/size][/color][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[color=blue][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In fact, there are also some children cannot use a dictionary, even their teachers and parents had already taught them many times.([/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]这句话好象和上下文都没有什么关系[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=blue][size=14pt])[/size][/color][size=14pt] However, to look words up in a dictionary by theirselves[/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]themselves[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman], to experience independence, to save time, are the reasons why I choose a dictionary as a gift to a child.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]注意拼写，个人觉得第一点原因与第三点原因有点重复。[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]加油。[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10pt][/size][/font][/align]
回复 28# threetigers107 的帖子
呵呵，帮忙改的？鼓励鼓励！::16你应该修改的是tuolingphecda的，别忘了哦
on orangebug
[font=Verdana][size=3]The choice of gift has always be[color=red]en[/color] a hard decision to make.There are a number of factors need[color=red]ed[/color] to be [color=red]taken account for(taken into account)[/color], and one of the most important factors is the usability of the gift. Expressly, the gift for children needs to be helpful in their personal development. If I have to buy a child a gift, I am most likely to send a set of encyclopedia, which I think would contribute to the child's development the most. The reasons of my choice of gift are elaborated as the following[color=red]:(.)[/color][/size][/font][size=3]
[/size][font=Verdana][size=3]It is [color=green]indisputable[/color] today that knowledge is the most powerful weapon in one's life. Thus it is important for children to pick up the habit of study[color=red]ing(这里我理解study应该做动词，然后加ing)[/color] at a young age. This is a habit that they will benefit from for their whole lives. At a young age, children often appear to be curious about the world around,[color=red] and[/color] they frequently ask questions. However, parents are not always patient and knowledgeable enough to answer every single question for their children. This is the time that a set of encyclopedia can help. Children can find answers for most of their questions in the books. While reading the encyclopedia, children not only expand their [color=blue]deposit of knowledge(这个用法似乎没有查到)[/color], but also develop the ability to teach themselves, which is a crucial ability demanded in the future study.
[/size][/font][size=3]
[/size][font=Verdana][size=3]Moreover, the information [color=red]provides(provided) [/color]by the encyclopedia is reliable. Although nowadays, there are other means such as internet can [color=red]access children to knowledge(access的用法应该是1.access to，里面access是一个名词；2.access sth.这里access是及物动词。好像没有查到access sb. to sth.的)[/color], none can be comparative to encyclopedia in the reliability. Encyclopedia is carefully revised by the most [color=red]authorial(authoritative)[/color] professors and bachelors in the world, so the information inside is trustful.It is critical to ensure that the knowledge that children are [color=green]assimilat[/color]ing is accurate and true. Otherwise it would be difficult to correct them later on.[/size][/font][size=3]
[/size][font=Verdana][size=3]Last but not least, encyclopedia will be their company for their whole lives. The knowledge contained in the books is of all ranges, natural sciences, human science, languages, etc. When children moved on to higher level of study, they will still need to refer back to the encyclopedia sometimes. The old saying that [color=red]is[/color] commonly believed said that study can never end until the death,[color=red] and[/color] encyclopedia perfectly [color=green]evince[/color]s this belief. It may take children'[color=red]s[/color] whole lifetime to assimilate the knowledge in the encyclopedia.
[/size][/font][size=3]
[/size][size=3][font=Verdana]All in all, I would give a set of encyclopedia to help a child develop for the reasons that it can help children gain knowledge, provide reliable source of information, and can accompany children for their whole lifetime.
[/font]
复述题目第一段，引出答案，百科全书
第二段，说明百科全书帮助孩子学习
第三段，百科全书提供的信息可靠真实
第四段，百科全书将陪伴孩子一生的成长
最后，总结一下
35分钟完成，最后5分钟才想出第三个点
诶……
[/size]
[size=3]其实不一定非要写三个点啊。写两个，更具体一些，也可以的[/size]
[size=3]语言不错，比较自然。有一些很好的词汇。但是也有一些用的不太恰当或者不对的地方。[/size]
[size=3]另外在语法方面有三处和被动语态有关的错误，不知道是不是疏忽了。我看到都是在定语从句里使用被动语态的时候出现了问题。要注意一下。[/size]
[size=3]送百科全书是很好的主意，呵呵，论证的理由也很充分。
[/size] 我能参加么？？？？非常想要来~~
回复 11# oliverlok 的帖子
::z1 :loveliness: 加油！回复 20# bardin 的帖子
呵呵，意见很中肯啊。确实可以和非组员多交流一下，还有很多高手呢回复 32# cfcf 的帖子
也是回复jiandanxiaoyujy02976110
cxistc
的帖子
目前我还需要考虑是否扩大我们组的规模，正在询问现有组员和版主的意见。过去加入组员都是之前有组员退出了，总人数一直保持在10人。会给你们答复的。 ::z8 我把lixiao的第十六次作业发到这里来了。。。
马上tuolingphecda的::11
回复 36# threetigers107 的帖子
哦，你可以删掉自己的帖子，然后再贴在16次里面::z1on tuolingphecda
[size=10.5pt]According to the statistics, a meaningful gift plays a very significant role in child’s growth. What’s more, some specific gifts can even put a lasting positive impact on children’s future study and work life. So the parents should make a serious decision to choose a suitable gift for their kinds. From my own point, the basketball is proper [color=red]a[/color] gift which can do [color=red](be)[/color] helpful for the development of children.There is no doubt that basketball [color=blue]sport([/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]加个[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]sport[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]比较好吧[/size][/font][size=10.5pt])[/size][size=10.5pt] is a team game which can greatly improve players’social skills. Through playing basketball, children can get recognition of cooperation and make many new friends. Because only cooperating with teammates and learn[color=red]ing[/color] to [color=red]compromise partners’ faults [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这个是什么意思呢？不太通感觉）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]they can achieve the victory of the competition. ([color=red]Playing) basketball[/color] is a good chance to [color=red]exercise [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（我觉得这个词不太合适）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt] children’s social skills. Otherwise, as [color=red]offspring [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（子孙后代的统称，不能这样用）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]play basketball with other [color=red]9 (nine,[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]还是不要写数字的好[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]) [/size][size=10.5pt]individuals, it’s easy to meet [color=red]diversity[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这个是名词）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]persons and make friends.
Moreover, basketball also can help a child to build [color=red]a [/color]strong body. It’s evident that health is the basic demand for everybody. If persons [color=#3366ff](people[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]吧，用[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]persons[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]感觉怪怪的[/size][/font][size=10.5pt])[/size][size=10.5pt]are vulnerable for [color=red](to) [/color]sickness,[color=#3366ff] it can do a lot of limits for their career and routine life([/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这句怪怪的[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]).[/size][size=10.5pt] However unfortunately, because of the advancement [/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（说生活水平先进不太好，还是说提高吧，也表示一种趋势，和后面的[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]more and more[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]相应[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]improvement[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt] of living standards, more and more children get too much nutrition but little exercise which[color=red] has [/color]caused the fat sickness [color=red]is[/color] [/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这个从句有两个谓语了）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]prevailing among youth. Basketball is an easy game that every one can get in it quickly, so it’s suitable for many children to exercise. Playing basketball [color=red]2 (twice)[/color] or three times a week can build strong bones and muscles, keep children in fit, help kids to [color=#3366ff]attain higher stature [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（长高？）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt], and improve the function of heart. Therefore basketball is a pretty good gift to help children to [color=#3366ff]grow the habit of sports[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] （ｔｏ ｆｏｒｍ ａ ｇｏｏｄ ｈａｂｉｔ ｏｆ ｅｘｅｒｃｉｓｉｎｇ） [/size][/font][size=10.5pt].[/size][size=10.5pt]
In addition, basketball is a useful ability which can bring many benefits to children. Nowadays more and more people like watching and playing basketball, so it seems that every student, especially male student, play[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]ｓ[/size][/font][size=10.5pt] it occasionally in school. Then if one wants to blend in a fresh school life soon, he/she must learn basketball more or less, because[color=#3366ff] it’s the best way to learn the new environment by the means of a basketball game. [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这个很难信服啊）[/size][/font]
[size=10.5pt]
Basketball, as a gift for children, can be very favorable. It is not only a useful ability [color=royalblue]（skill),[/color] but also help children to build good health and social skills. As I see it, it is beneficial for children both physically and mentally. So undoubtedly I will choose it as the gift to help children develop.
[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（觉得词汇比较简单，用词，表达都不够准确，感觉比较中式，理由也不是很ｃｏｎｖｉｎｃｉｎｇ）。[/size][/font]
[font=宋体]改的不好还望见谅啊~[/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 threetigers107 于 2008-7-18 16:43 编辑 [/i]] 谢谢threetigers 意见很中肯 我要继续努力 [quote]原帖由 [i]tostudyinusa[/i] 于 2008-7-17 15:15 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12159245&ptid=1083665][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
The choice of gift has always been a hard decision to make.There are a number of factors needed to be taken account for(taken into account), and one of the most important factors is the usability of t ... [/quote]
辛苦你啦!
谢谢你的修改
我会注意语法滴
嘿嘿~加油!
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