还有8天 帮我改下作文好吗?
[size=18pt]Argumentative essay( test 4 in Cambridge IELTS 6)[/size]&B4x|:z-I t[size=18pt]Write about the following topic:[/size]
[size=18pt]Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change.Others ,however ,think that change is always a good thing.Dicuss both these views and give your own opinion.[/size]VB L1j9Mbo
In the contemporary world, there are many innovations coming into existence due to the rapid pace of technological development. In the information era, change is always the main theme . But in the mean time , animated debate has been going on whether it is always beneficial to have a change. Some people acclaim that change is the main theme in the information era and it often brings about improvements while others assert that it may be risky to change and getting accustomed to the new environment waste one’s time and is energy-consuming. K,Y6n.^x xZe2s f
Convincing arguments can be made that change comes along with enormous benefits to our lives. Initially, more advanced technology may enhance the quality of people lives, increase workers’ efficiency as well as afford more kinds of amusement and enjoyment. Moreover, evolution of society will guarantee people a living condition which is more safe and may create more job opportunities. Last but not least , change in the environment may strengthen one’s adaptability which plays a essential role in one’s life.
Admittedly, change has several drawbacks as well. This is reasonable to the extent that people may be confronted some obstacles adapting a new lifestyle. Obviously, the adjustment people make when moving to a unfamiliar place may cause torture and uneasiness, and it may requires a vast amount of effort and money. But further analysis would reveal that in the long term, the trials and tribulations are worthwhile. One illustration of this is people can acquire new abilities which are of vital importance in the future thus render them more competitive individuals.
Based on the arguments offered above, I would concede that change is not without its adverse impact. Despite that , the potential benefits lies in change overweigh the undesirable influence it may bring about. Overall, I am convinced that we should look upon change as treasured chance for a better tomorrow and seek for change ourselves.$O ` qvGJ
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[[i] 本帖最后由 magicgir1 于 2008-7-15 09:17 编辑 [/i]] 至少也把题目写上来是什么
要不让别人怎么给你看
回复 2# checkboxinside 的帖子
昨天竟没贴上 题目 现在贴上了。呵呵，我在无忧贴出四天还没有回复，这里一天就有人回了，高兴。水平有限
[font=Times New Roman]放附件里了[attach]555282[/attach][/font] 我觉得缺少变化. 几乎都是长句子第一段太过模式化,其余都不错. 哎~3vb8SGH
作文，老大难。。
觉得文章上6是绝对的
其他不知道了。
感觉很多套话g$iv Z5qr P3rK
:funk: LwVT(i@H9Q
不过纯属敝人一点点拙见~$E'f8vUloCO
如果那个机构能把作文给破译了，估计就会很好很强大了。 第一段：information era, the main theme找几个词替换。比如information age； Some people acclaim和之前那句话之间没有很好的衔接，感觉比较突兀。
其他感觉不错。写的比较流畅。
加油：）
回复 4# jackraywen 的帖子
看到了，谢谢你，太傻这个地方好 In the contemporary world, there are many innovations coming into existence（不是存在，是reality） due to the rapid pace of technological development(发展的快速步伐，语意不对）. In the information era, change is always the main theme . But in the mean time , animated debate has been going on whether it is always beneficial to have a change. Some people acclaim that change is the main theme in the information era and it often brings about （不明白为什么加about ）improvements while others assert that it may be risky to change and getting accustomed to the new environment waste one’s time and is energy-consuming.Convincing (前后文并没有convice 一个东西，为什么叫convincing? )arguments can be made that change comes along with enormous benefits to our lives. Initially, more advanced technology may enhance the quality of people lives, increase workers’ efficiency as well as afford more kinds of amusement and enjoyment. Moreover, evolution of society will （社会进化肯定不能保证这点，太夸张了）guarantee people a living condition which is more safe and may create more job opportunities. Last but not least , change in the environment may strengthen one’s adaptability which plays a essential role in one’s life（改变是充分条件，不是必要条件，所以要说有可能增强）. FPwl;J B^p gld
Admittedly, change has several drawbacks as well（观点不正确，不是每个改变都有这一些缺点的）. This is reasonable to the extent（语法错误） that people may be confronted some obstacles adapting a new lifestyle. Obviously, the adjustment people make when moving to a unfamiliar place may cause torture and uneasiness, and it may requires a vast amount of effort and money. But further analysis would reveal that in the long term, the trials and tribulations are worthwhile. One illustration of this is people can acquire new abilities which are of vital importance in the future thus render them more competitive individuals.
Based on the arguments offered(listed) above, (语意不清)I would concede that change is not without its adverse(negative) impact. Despite that , the potential benefits lies（语法错误，单复数） in change overweigh the undesirable influence it may bring （没看懂）. Overall, I am convinced that we should look upon change as treasured chance for a better tomorrow and seek for change ourselves. （意思太绝对了，不能为了寻求改变而改变）
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