Team 16 第18次活动 【新规定:即使请假也必须按时交修改任务】
[font=Verdana][b][size=5][color=blue]Team 16 第18次活动[/color][/size][/b][/font][u][size=4][font=Verdana][b][color=blue]Team Members[/color] (No. + ID):[/b]
[/font][/size][/u][b][size=4][font=Verdana]1.[color=blue][color=black]ly-xiao653[/color][/color]
2.bardin
3.BlueScorpion
4.chenximax
[/font][/size][font=Verdana][size=5][color=blue][u]5.jiandanxiaoyu[/u](新成员。欢迎入伙！::11 )[/color][/size][/font][/b]
[size=4][b][font=Verdana][/font][/b][/size][font=Verdana][b][size=4]6.nk_tomoyo
7.tuolingphecda[/size][/b][/font]
[b][font=Verdana][size=4]8.orangebug[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Verdana][b][size=4]9.threetigers107
10.tostudyinusa[/size]
[/b]
[b][size=5]Goals: to improve our independent writing skills and receive [color=red]high scores[/color] in iBT writing section.[/size][/b] ::z4 ::z4 ::z4
[u][b][size=5]活动内容[/size][/b][/u]
[b][size=4]每次活动写一篇independent writing的作文, 改一篇其他组员的作文
题库来自TWE185
每周两次活动[/size]
[/b]
[size=5][b]出题时间:每周五晚上和每周一晚上
交作业deadline: 每周一晚上2300(交上周五出的题)和每周五晚上2300(交本周一出的题)[/b][/size]
[size=5][b][u]规则[/u][/b][/size]
[size=4][b]1.请各位组员一定[u]要在deadline之前交[/u]自己写作文和批改的作文,以执行制定好的互改方案.
2.改作文时务必[u]按照方案进行[/u],不能随意改一个组员的作文或者不改. 这是基本的任务,希望大家严格执行.
另外有空可以看看不是自己改的组员的作文,借鉴经验,可以不改而只提出疑问和建议. 如果愿意多改,我们大力欢迎.
3.若因故不能参加某次活动请尽早请假,这样利于临时安排. 最好不要请假. ::z5
[/b][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=7][b][color=red]4.[/color]如果确实有事情而[u]请了假[/u]，也一定要保证完成各自的[u]修改任务[/u]。即，请假只包括迟交一次自己的写作，修改必须按时交。[u]也只有这样才能保证自己的作文能被按时修改嘛。[/u][/b][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4][b]
多次未能参加活动(会有参与记录的)的成员只能请你离开,寻找适于自己的写作练习小组.[/b][/size] ::13
[size=5][u][b]4.发布[/b][/u][/size]
[b][size=4](1)请小组成员将拼写和基本语法错误自己在WORD上纠正之后发作文.
(2)作文直接发在帖子里.
(3)第n次活动的作文和批改都发在 “第n次活动专用贴”中.
(4)字体大小什么的就不要求了，字稍微大点容易看就好[/size]
[/b][/font]
[font=Verdana][u][b][size=5]5. 修改[/size][/b][/u]
[size=5][size=4][b](1)[color=red]红色[/color]表示错误，[color=blue]蓝色[/color]表示建议，[color=green]绿色[/color]表示值得学习的词句.评论或注释请加上括号()
(2)请尽可能按照iBT的评分标准修改. 措辞造句和布局谋篇都要考虑
(3)批改的楼层请在标题一栏写上[u]on somebody[/u], 如批改的是我的作文就写on tostudyinusa[/b][/size]
[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4][b][u][size=5]6.[/size][/u][/b]鼓励(非必须)在作文后面附上[u]一个小summary[/u],说一下你的思路,列出points. 这样便于修改者理解你的文章,更好地来修改,并判断你是否达到了你的预期思路
[b][u][size=5]7.[/size][/u][/b]以上方案是经大家讨论后一致同意的,如果有任何异议欢迎直接跟组长提出,再由组员商讨
[/size]
[size=5][u][b]第18次活动[/b][/u][/size]
[b][size=5][u]题目
[/u]100 Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.[/size][/b][/font]
[font=Verdana][b][size=5](185题库里的第100题）[/size][/b]
[b][u][size=7][color=darkorange]交作业Deadline: July 21st, 2008 Monday 2300[/color][/size][/u][/b][/font]
[font=Verdana][b][u][size=6][/size][/u][/b]
[size=5][u][b]互改安排[/b][/u][/size][/font]
[table=256][tr][td=1,1,128][align=left][font=Verdana][font=宋体][size=12pt] [font=Verdana][size=4] 批改者[/size][/font][/size][/font][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=left][size=4][font=Verdana][size=12pt] 被批改者[/size][size=12pt] [/size][/font][/size][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]ly-xiao653[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]tostudyinusa
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]bardin[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt][size=4]ly-xiao653[/size][/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]BlueScorpion[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]bardin
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]chenximax[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]BlueScorpion
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4][color=blue][b][u]jiandanxiaoyu[/u][/b][/color][/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]chenximax
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]nk_tomoyo[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][size=10.5pt][font=Verdana][size=4][color=blue][b][u]jiandanxiaoyu[/u][/b][/color][/size][/font][/size][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]tuolingphecda[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]nk_tomoyo
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]orangebug[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][size=4][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]tuolingphecda[/size][/font]
[/size][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]threetigers107[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][size=4][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]orangebug[/size][/font]
[/size][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4]tostudyinusa[/size][/font][/align][font=Verdana][size=4][/size][/font]
[/td][td=1,1,128][font=Verdana][size=4]threetigers107
[/size][/font][/td][/tr][/table]
[size=6][color=slategray][b]P.S.
1.这次的题目属于一个新类别“花钱问题”
2.鉴于大家还是比较忙，时常不能参加活动，我加入了新的规则，希望各位遵循[/b][/color][/size]
[quote]
[b][font=Verdana][size=7][color=#ff0000]4.如果确实有事情而[u]请了假[/u]，也一定要按时完成各自的[u]修改任务[/u]。即，请假只包括迟交一次自己的写作，修改必须按时交。[/color][/size][/font][/b]
[/quote]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-20 16:53 编辑 [/i]] 开心开心,第一个交作业,难道我最闲?
The development of computer technology hasbeen burgeoning over years, and large amount of money has been invested in thisarea by governments. Some people support governments to spend as much money aspossible on developing or buying computer technology. However, they fail totake into account the intensive demand for other more basic needs.
According to the Hierarchy of the Needs,food, shelter and water have been leveled as the basest and most importantneeds for human beings. Without the satisfaction of these needs, people wouldnot be able to partaken any other activities.
Such is the foundation for human beings to have the guarantee over thesebasic needs. Once the foundation is built, the further concrete of thedevelopment can be undertaken. However, there are still a significant number ofpeople who are suffering from the absence of the basic needs. Money is raisedby charities to help the poor and the homeless. We are also facing the biggestcrisis of water. As the prices of food and water are soaring over days, moreand more people fall into the category of the hunger. It is unnecessary forgovernments to spend much more money on the development of the computertechnology while there is still a strong need to keep some people alive. Ifones are unable to live the healthy life, at no point the computer technology willbe needed.
On the other hand, computer technology hasbeen growing faster than any time in the recent decades, people have certainlybenefited from it. But are all the innovations in computer technologynecessary? Innovations such like a paper thin computer screen is rather a wasteof money than a development of computer. Thus, government should be aware thatbefore further improving the life quality for people, they should first ensurethe basic life level for people. The further investment in computer technologywill only polarize people further in society.
To conclude, because there are still aconsiderable number of people are living under the property line, governmentsshould not spend much more money on the computer technology as it is alreadyhighly developed. Rather it is highly in demand for governments to pay moreattention to those who are struggling surviving.
第一段阐明认为不应该投资太多在信息技术上
第二段阐明温饱是一切的基础,仍然有很多人面临温饱问题
第三段阐明当前的信息技术已经够用,有一些发明是浪费
第四段总结前面
370+个字吧,按时完成
麻烦了
这篇刚好写过 先交了..
As the evolution of human beings, the advent of all kinds of problems brings the government a lot of confusion. To spend money on developing or buying computer technology or on more basic needs is hard option for every country. Although certainly computer technology is so important that it’s related to the advance of science and technology, from my own standpoint there are so many basic fields which are more desirable for the finance.Nowadays, population is an unavoidable problem for many countries. More babies have come to the world, and human beings get longer life, which lead the government to invest enough money to agriculture, health care and education system. Comparing with computer technology, the food, health and education of a person are far more urgent for most countries in the world. Only satisfying the basic needs of the citizens, they can make the contribution to develop science and technology.
In addition, pollution is also a serious task for all over the world. Because of the over=confusing on industries, including computer industry, the air has become worse and worse, the water gets undrinkable, the trees are cut down, and the animals struggle for the scarce space and food. All the phenomena need more attention and finance. It’s sure that if we can not take action to spend more money in reducing the pollution, the industry of computer and other high technologies will get negative influence as well.
Furthermore, the government should also finance enough money in the employment. Although the computer industry is flourished, it can do little help for the homeless and jobless individuals. What's worse, because the efficiency of industry has been increased greatly by the computer science, more and more jobs are taken place by machines, so companies need less employees. The high unemployment rate puts an evident negative impact on people’s living standards. If the problem continues to get worse, it may cause the instability of the society.
All above, as our society has not attained the high advanced world which needs not to worry about the shortage of basic demands, it’s reasonable to spend more money on basic needs than computer industry. After all, basic materials are prerequisite for human’s other activities, such as computer research.
23分钟完成 第一次这么快 高兴
开头:认为应该投资于基础
一:人口压力带来的衣食医疗教育问题
二:污染问题需要治理, 计算机工业其实还是会产生一些污染
三:计算机产业的兴起提高效率的同时 导致失业 **需要投入资金
结尾
回复 3# tuolingphecda 的帖子
我记得你说你已经写过185里的80篇了，高手啊！哪天你把你写过的题目题号告诉我，我看看尽量避免出这些题目
同一个类别应该是可以出其它题目的
回复 2# orangebug 的帖子
很积极，呵呵，keep moving on！::31 [font=Verdana][size=12pt]Computer technology has developed dramatically since a couple of decades ago and has largely altered the way things used to be. Many countries have realized the significance of computer technology and have set aside huge sums of money particularly for the progress of it. Although opponents who contravene the idea of spending plenty of money on computer science development appear to be well-justified by accentuating the importance of some basic needs such as infrastructure construction and reduction of poverty and starvation, I believe that it is tenable for the government to expend means to advance the computer technology.[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]In the first place, computer technology can enormously benefit the country in various aspects. Thanks to the great efficiency and accuracy, the government is able to handle the problems in military managements and statistical analysis in economy. By taking advantage of the high rate and immense capacity of computers, companies easily establish the model of markets, production processes and expenses and can further fully control the these things and make sound tactics. Similarly, an individual can be saved precious time when at work by making use of a computer. He can analyze data and consult experts through a computer. The indisputable feats of the computer work naturally promotes the further developments of it no matter how much money is needed, for the more and better merits computers can possibly bring to mankind.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]Moreover, the basic needs are in fact susceptible of improvement via the evolution of computers. The reasons are readily obvious. More suitable plans of urban infrastructure construction can be carried out if designers and engineers make good use of the computers. Medical equipment and treatment can be more fairly distributed with the aid of computers technology. Agricultural matters including dissemination and harvest and the like can be better and more efficiently conducted with the information of weather changes provided by specialized computers. Combined with information technology, computers can help the governments obtain essential intelligence and transport the alms and aids faster to the areas where people suffer from natural disasters or famine.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]On the whole, computer technology is well worthy of further progress regardless of the cost of money that the government may be burdened with.[/size][/font][font=宋体, MS Song][size=3] [/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]支持发展计算机技术[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]理由1是计算机技术好处很多[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]理由2是计算机技术实际上可以改善那些基本的需求[/font] 第一次交作业。我顶替凤兮舞兮， chenximax 我改你的吧，OK？第一次写，多指教啊。。。
Whether or not the governments should appropriate more funds on fostering the advancement of computer technology? People may have assorted opinions on this stubborn issue when taking some basic needs into consideration. After scrupulous looking at this issue, I believe that governments should budget not only for programs involving computer technology, but also for proposals dealing with basic needs.
First of all, great changes have taken place after the invention of computer. As a consequence, people will approve the statement that the computer could be one of the most critical inventions in twenty first century without reservation in respect that the computer drastically accelerates the development of our society and brings significant influence on our life. The most obvious and meaningful transformation could be that people have been emancipated from tedious and boring daily work. A classic example often cited is that now people have not to place the billions of CMOS gates by themselves, which could be cost one year or more before the emergence of computer. In addition, the computer significantly provides much more opportunities to the people who are far away or even live at opposite sides on Earth. As a result, our Earth is called “village” given that the computer takes us transcend the barriers of countries and then people have more tolerance toward the people with different background.
However, we should admit that in spite of the merits of computer presented above, it is irrefutable that at times the computer will carry negative effects on our society which will be counterproductive or even harmful. The harm it produces, in my opinion, both palpable and profound. At the individual level, some people cannot resist the content including violent and erotic materials, which could be the direct reasons of high rate of criminals. And also the diseases related to work aided by computers are the main threatening of people’s health. On the other hands, at the social level, the security of people’s possessions, key documents and privacy is threaten by hackers and computer viruses, which causes serious concerns of the future of computer technology.
At the same time, no one can deny the fact that we should pay high values on the programs involving human basic needs, which play key role in stability of society. Although the twenty first century witnessed the great advancement of medical science, some problems, such as cancel and ASID, still haunt scientists and ordinary people. In order to prolong human expectancy and reduce lifelong fear, government should aid the researches related to these fields. Additionally, although an increasing number of countries have taken measurements to slow down the trend of global warming , environmental crisis is also worth being mentioned in that excessive deforestation, hunting, fishing are continuing. And also, out-space exploration should be invested on when we take long-term crisis into painstaking consideration.
In sum, it is imperative that the governments should invest on computer technology in order to rasp more benefits on the grounds that the potential significant changes will be triggered by it. However, at the same time, the programs dealing with human basic needs upon which the society depend and survive are worth being paid serious attention to.
1.计算机的好处，高效和增加人们之间的交流
2.计算机的坏处，a，网络暴力和色情，b， 人们的隐私和财产等得不到保障
3.我们还是要关注basic needs，因为他们涉及到社会的稳定和发展
回复 7# jiandanxiaoyu 的帖子
欢迎入伙::11对，你修改chenximax的第18次写作，修改和下一次写作在下周一一起交
熟悉一下一楼的一些规定
好混乱...
做志愿者好累阿...唉，哪位同学要来北京玩儿啊呵呵？到时候我尽一下地主之谊。[font=Calibri]There is no doubt that our world has been living in the computer era. Computer becomes our indispensable helper in daily life, like manufacturing, teaching, designing and so on. As the saying goes, “a person who cannot use computers is illiterate in the 21st century.” In terms of the background, more and more people appeal to governments to lay stress on the computer technology, which means governments should spend as much money as possible on it. However, another group of people argue that those basic needs, such as education, housing, public health services, should be the focus. Personally, I prefer the latter idea because of following perspectives.[/font]
[font=Calibri]During the long history of human beings, basic needs are the eternal theme. It is consensus that people should eat firstly, or house is the prerequisite to a family. I cannot image that a society is filled with poverty and starvation, and of course, no matter how advanced its computer technology is, it makes no sense to this society. Actually, if a person’s basic living standard cannot be guaranteed, he will not pay any attention to that so-called high technology like computer technology. So how can we ensure that the society will make a breakthrough on computer technology while no one cares about it? Therefore, government should not put the incidental before the fundamental. In other words, meeting public’s basic needs are government’s urgent business.[/font]
[font=Calibri]On the contrary, basic needs’ being met gives benefits to developing computer technology. If government’s policy and laws are partial to ordinary people, we make sure that people must support the government. Under this circumstance, the government can implement other policies more successfully, including those whose aim is developing or buying computer technology. Here is a telling example about a disastrous consequence of breaking the balance between basic needs and high technology. The former Soviet Union was used to be one of the two superpowers around the world. During a long period, it spent almost the total expense on developing military technology in order to excel the United States. Unfortunately, the kind of competition in arms drained the country of its manpower and wealth. As a consequence, the former Soviet Union disintegrated in 1991. Such a lesson should be treasured in our memories.[/font]
[font=Calibri]Admittedly, we admire that computer technology makes our life more convenient and comfortable, and we cannot erase its significant contribution to us. However, basic needs should be put in the first place, and then, advanced computer technology also aims at meeting basic needs like CAD, which stands for computer aided design. In conclusion, I support the idea that government should spend more money on basic needs.[/font]
[font=Calibri][/font]
[font=Calibri]1、同意第二个观点[/font]
[font=Calibri]2、basic needs永远是人类社会的主题，这个不满足，没有人会去关心高科技。[/font]
[font=Calibri]3、basic needs的满足会使民众对**的支持上升，不然只会适得其反，比如苏联。[/font]
[font=Calibri]4、computer technology的确好，但其实也是为了提高人民的生活质量或者是改善社会等努力。[/font] [size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]How to use the money properly is always the question, especially for the governments. Some people think that governments should spend much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology; while others tend to focus on the basic needs. Although it is not easy to give a correct answer to this question, I still hold the opinions that governments should spend more money on basic needs for three key reasons.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Firstly, in my country, there are millions of people can not earn their livings; thus the government has to spend the money to provide them with more chances to find their jobs. Even it is not easy to add more chances to the nationals; however, the government has to support them with food first. Moreover, in order to help them find jobs, the government has to held some courses to teach them the novelty skills about their work.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Secondly, the health of people is also a question to focus on. Even in the countryside of a city, there are not enough hospitals, needless to say in the valley. If the government has money to developing computer technology, why not focus on health care. To set up more hospitals in the countryside as well as to train more skilled medical worker is urgent. Without healthy bodies, it is impossible to raise the living standard. [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Thirdly, the universities are insufficient and incapable of offering sufficient chances for the diligent students in my country. To solve this problem, the government must establish more universities. In June, there are numerous of students attending the entrance examination; while only a quarter of them are qualified to enter universities. Without plenty experts who own the specific knowledge, spending money on developing and buying computer technology is impracticable. [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]To sum up, for the government, to find the balance of the usage of money is hard. However, to sustain the jobless nationals, to improve the nationals’ health, and to establish more universities are my reasons to suggest the government to spend money on basic needs.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]選擇bacia needs[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]第一個理由是很多人失業需要照顧[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]第二個理由是醫療仍然很缺乏要加強[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]第三個理由是國內大學太少應先設立大學[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]最後結論[/font][/size]
the 18th,感觉很糟糕啊，紧张了啊~
[font=Times New Roman]Some people, especially those who live better off and have higher educational background claim that governments should invent as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. But there are also people who strongly opposite with that and believe that people's basic needs should have priority over that. As for me, considering the establishment a harmonious and fair society, I would vote for the latter view. [/font][font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Of the arguments against that basic needs are more important, two are commonly heard most. To writ:[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]1. In the last century, our educational level has fell behind western educational level, so we should not be left behind again in the age of information. The development of computer technology will improve our level of education.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]2. The information technology industry in our country is still very weak, which greatly need our governments financial and strategic support. Moreover developed computer technology will play a significant role in promoting economic development, which in turn will satisfy people’s basic needs better.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]The first of these arguments, it seems to me, is plainly too weak to need seriously reputation. All it means is our educational system is too weak in educating talents, who are destined to compete with rivals from every corner of this world. Now that we have the awareness of our weakness in the educational system, what we should do? There are still millions of children having no classroom to sit in, no book for reading, even not enough food for their stomachs. And in some remote mountain areas there is not electricity yet. How can we develop computer technology there? I surely believe the financial resource for developing or buying computer technology would be only distributed in more developed areas in China, like southeast China and big cities like Shanghai and Beijing. Educational levels in these areas are already the most advanced in China. Therefore, governments should spend more money on promoting education in poor areas, where education has been the basic need for too long. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]In the second argument of people holding the former view there is more force, but even here, their ground under them is rather shaky. I t is true that the computer technology in our country is still in its infancy phase. But the fundamental fact consists in that without a stable social environment, no computer technology, no economy can be developed smoothly and quickly. How can we keep a stable social order for development? If some people live in luxury houses, enjoy higher education and the convenience brought about by the computer technology while others are still struggling on the edge of making ends meet every month, having no education opportunities, no health assurance, can that be a prosperous, peaceful and harmonious society? I doubt it. Therefore, I believe to meet people’s basic needs, assuring every citizen in our country of chances to get a better life should be on the top list of governments’ agenda. [/font]
[font=宋体]刚开始的时候看成是买电脑，所以说道教育，后来再看不对，但已写了，不知道会不会太牵扯。最近写作文都没什么感觉的。今天严重超时。。。检讨中。。。[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]字数怎么越写越多降不下来了？下次还是少写点，要不来不及啦~[/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 threetigers107 于 2008-7-21 19:12 编辑 [/i]] [font=宋体][size=14pt]第一段，提出问题[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]第二段，发展的技术只是供少部分人使用，买来的电脑也只是为富人服务，[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]第三段，技术是双刃剑，有缺点，不能盲目投资[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]第四段，基本生活需要很重要[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]In order to catch up with the fast pace of the industrialized world, modern people have to acquire computer technology and use it as a foundational skill of surviving. Some authorities argue that government should invest more money on developing or buying computer technology, so that his people will not be discarded by the new era, however, I proposal that instead money should be paid for the basic needs.[/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Some computer manufacturer propagandize that people who can operate computer adroitly can get a high repaid job, and students who study computer skill in college can get a good employment in an IT enterprise, then they make a conclusion that investing on computer will help the poor get rid of their previous identity. However, according to the current investigation, the rate of the different rank of people in the hierarchical society who have access to the computer is diverse. The rich people who can use a computer have a higher rate than the poor, even students, always be thought who have the equal rights in learning knowledge, are distinguished by their identity: a student from noble school has a very high rate, up to 85%, to operate a computer in the school library, whereas a student who can only afforded the tuition of the stated school can use computer in a very low rate, below 15%. So it is safe to say no matter how much money the government spends on computer technology, the gap between the rich and poor would not be decreased. On the precisely contrary, the gap will be extended to an unpredictable degree for the rich will become richer and poor will become poorer by comparison. [/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]However the computer plays an important role in our daily life, we can not spend as much money as we can on it. Just as the old saying goes,” Technology is a two edged sword.” We should realize the advantage and the disadvantage of this technology. Although we can not ignore the fortune brought by computer technology, and deny the benefit from it as well, we also should know the prevailing phenomenon: more and more young adults are indulged in computer games, and the number of school students who are addicted in the virtual world created by the cubic space. By contrast, instead of the invisible world, the resolve of the problem of basic needs is more tangible: establishing a hospital for impoverished villagers, paving a high way in a far away town, or promising the supply of water for the wet area.
[/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Moreover, however the worldwide growth of economy and increasing personal property, the poor suffered from starvation and worn with ragged clothes is a common problem in every area of the world. Currently the income chasm between the rich and poor sometimes results in the chaos of the society, even if the lowest standard of the living can not be provided, it will bring about the irrigation of the community. So I maintain government should spend money on basic needs rather than computer development.[/font][/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 ly-xiao653 于 2008-7-21 19:27 编辑 [/i]] [quote]原帖由 [i]blue_scorpion[/i] 于 2008/7/21 17:56 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12200186&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
做志愿者好累阿...唉，哪位同学要来北京玩儿啊呵呵？到时候我尽一下地主之谊。
... [/quote]
做志愿者是蛮不错的经历啊。北京现在已经封锁了吧？ [quote]原帖由 [i]tostudyinusa[/i] 于 2008-7-21 21:22 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12202263&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
做志愿者是蛮不错的经历啊。北京现在已经封锁了吧？ [/quote]
呵呵，封锁不至于啊，要不大家怎么看奥运啊...不过一片奥运气息倒是真的，各种各样的志愿者，武警巡逻等等等等... 这个我到目前为止，都还没有见到chenximax
的作业啊？
on tuolingphecda
[font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]As the evolution ofhuman beings, the advent of all kinds of problems brings the government a lotof confusion. To spend money on developing or buying computer technology or onmore basic needs is [color=#333399]hard option(a hard decision tomake) [/color]for every country. Although certainly computer technology[color=red] is so important that it’s related to the advance of scienceand technology([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这句话读起来怪怪的，[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]’[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]信息技术是如此重要，以至于它与高级科学技术有高[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]’[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，因为是因果的关系[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]),[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]from my own standpoint there are so many basic fields which are [color=red]more desirable(in greater demand)[/color] for the finance.Nowadays, population is an unavoidable problem for many countries. More babieshave come to the world, and human beings get longer life, which [color=#333399]leads(needs/requires)[/color] the government to investenough money [color=red]to(in) [/color]agriculture, health care andeducation system. Comparing with computer technology, the food, health andeducation of a person are far more urgent for most countries in the world. [color=navy]Only satisfying the basic needs of the citizens, they canmake the contribution to develop science and technology. ([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]建议改成[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]For government, it is better to focus onsatisfying the basic needs of the citizens, and they will make contribution tothe development of science and technology[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]．是不是会好一些呢，否则觉得比较突兀[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt])
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In addition, pollution is also a serious task for [color=red]allover the(the whole)[/color] world. Because of the [color=red]over=confusing(??)[/color]on industries, including computer industry, [color=navy]the airhas become worse and worse(the quality of air drops [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]注意时态，这样句势才工整[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt])[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt],the water gets undrinkable, the trees are cut down, and the animals strugglefor the scarce space and food. All the phenomena need more attention andfinance. It’s sure that if we[color=red] can(do)[/color] not takeaction to spend more money in reducing the pollution, the industry of computerand other high technologies will [color=navy]get negativeinfluence(be negatively influenced)[/color] as well.
Furthermore, the government should also [color=navy]finance(distribute)[/color]enough money in the employment. Although the computer industry is flourished,it can do little help for the homeless and jobless individuals. What's worse,because the efficiency of industry has been increased greatly by the computerscience, more and more jobs are taken place by machines, so companies need lessemployees. The high unemployment rate puts an evident[color=red]ly[/color]negative impact on people’s living standards. If the problem continues to getworse, it may cause the instability of the society.
[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]All above, a[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]s our society has notattained the high advanced world which needs not to worry about the shortage ofbasic demands, it[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]’[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]s reasonable to spend moremoney on basic needs than computer industry. After all, basic materials are[color=DarkGreen]prerequisite[/color] for human[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]’[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=10.5pt]s other activities, such ascomputer research.[/size][/font]
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段落层次分明,蛮有说服力
但是语言和结构上有一些欠缺...个人感觉..
有的不大地道,或者过繁琐..
稍作了修改,改的不好请见谅!
加油加油!::81
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[[i] 本帖最后由 orangebug 于 2008-7-22 16:48 编辑 [/i]] 谢谢orange这么快就改出来了 看来我需要继续努力 [quote]原帖由 [i]jiandanxiaoyu[/i] 于 2008/7/22 16:16 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12210538&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
这个我到目前为止，都还没有见到chenximax
的作业啊？ [/quote]
她刚去了美国，比较忙，跟我请假了的，晚些交她的写作
on threetigers107
[font=Verdana][size=4]Some people, especially those who live [color=red]better off(well off应该相当于一个adj.)[/color] and have higher educational background claim that governments should [color=red]invent(应该是invest吧)[/color] as much money as possible [color=red]on(如果前面确实是invest的话后面就是in)[/color] developing or buying computer technology. But there are also people who strongly [color=red]opposite with(oppose to)[/color] that and believe that people's basic needs should have [color=green]priority over[/color] that. As for me, considering the establishment [color=red](加of或者写establishing)[/color]a harmonious and fair society, I would vote for the latter view.Of the arguments against that basic needs are more important, two are commonly heard most. [color=blue]To writ:(不知道这个怎么用啊，也没有查到)
[/color]1. In the last century, our educational level has [color=red]fell(fallen)[/color] behind western educational level, so we should not be left behind again in the age of information. The development of computer technology will improve our level of education.
2. The information technology industry in our country is still very weak, which greatly need[color=red]s[/color] our governments financial and strategic support. Moreover developed computer technology will play a significant role in promoting economic development, which in turn will satisfy people’s basic needs better.
The first of these arguments, it seems to me, is plainly too weak to [color=blue]need seriously reputation(???::p3 )[/color]. All it means is our educational system is too weak in educating talents, who are destined to compete with rivals from every corner of this world. Now that we have the awareness of our weakness in the educational system, what we should do? There are still millions of children having no classroom to sit in, no book [color=blue]for reading(to read)[/color], even not enough food [color=blue]for their stomachs(to feed their stomachs可以都用to do形成并列，不用也无妨)[/color]. And in some remote mountain areas there is [color=red]not(no)[/color] electricity yet. How can we develop computer technology there? I surely believe the financial resource for developing or buying computer technology would be only distributed in more developed areas in China, like southeast China and big cities like Shanghai and Beijing. Educational levels in these areas are already the most advanced in China. Therefore, governments should spend more money on promoting education in poor areas, where education has been the basic need for too long.
In the second argument of people holding the former view there is more force, but even here, their ground under them is rather [color=green]shaky[/color]. I t is true that the computer technology in our country is still [color=green]in its infancy phase[/color]. But the fundamental fact [color=green]consists in[/color] [color=red]that(consist in的用法学习了，我乡里人，只知道consist of::11 。不过查了一下发现consist in 后面似乎只接名词，直接加that接宾语从句好像不行。不过你可以在that前面加一个抽象名词，把宾语从句变成同位语从句就行了。加什么呢？前面有fact了，我想了一下应该可以用truth或者axiom)[/color] without a stable social environment, no computer technology, no economy can be developed smoothly and quickly. How can we keep a stable social order for development? If some people live in luxury houses, enjoy higher education and the convenience brought about by the computer technology while others are still [color=green]struggling on the edge of making ends meet [/color]every month, having no education opportunities, no health assurance, can that be a prosperous, peaceful and harmonious society? I doubt it. Therefore, I believe [color=blue]to meet(meeting。和上面都改to do类似，这里也都写to do或者都写doing比较好)[/color] people’s basic needs, assuring every citizen in our country of chances to get a better life should be on the top list of governments’ agenda.
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[font=Verdana][size=4]这就是GRE作文的立论和驳论吗？见识了呵呵。[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4]语言上感觉有一些chinglish的痕迹。有一些词法上的问题。另外由于有几处非谓语的并列，平行结构方面可以在注意一下，一致是to do或者doing比较工整，别人也能更清楚的看到你这里是并列。还有一个就是问句比较多，也有先if在发问的，让文章似乎有些conversational.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4]论证方面虽然写了edu和eco两个方面，但是论证角度实际上是相同的，所用的对比论证方法和给出的理由也比较类似，即都是两个地区的对比以及社会的和谐。我想这样可能会减弱论证的力度。[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4]当然我完全不懂GRE的作文，说得不对的地方多包涵。::z5 [/size][/font]
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回复楼上，谢谢修改~~~
这是GRE的作文模式吗？::z8 我不知道呐。。。是我看的一篇专八的作文，想试试这个模板的。。。最近写作文的感觉很糟糕，有什么写什么，没有一种兴奋感，也许是考试将近，紧张的吧::13 [quote]原帖由 [i]threetigers107[/i] 于 2008/7/23 17:25 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12223566&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]这是GRE的作文模式吗？::z8 我不知道呐。。。是我看的一篇专八的作文，想试试这个模板的。。。最近写作文的感觉很糟糕，有什么写什么，没有一种兴奋感，也许是考试将近，紧张的吧::13 [/quote]
哦，搞错了，我臆断的，呵呵...::z5
加油！不要受紧张情绪的影响，不管是自己的还是来自别人的。::81
on orangebug
[font=宋体][size=14pt]The development of computer technology has been [color=lime]burgeoning[/color] over years, and[color=red] a [/color]large amount of money has been invested in this area by governments. Some people support governments to spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. However, they fail to take into account the intensive demand for other more basic needs.According to the Hierarchy of the Needs (这个很专业啊，敢情你是学经济的？) ,food, shelter and water have been leveled as the [color=red]basest （最卑劣的？最基本的the most essential）[/color] and most important needs for human beings. Without the satisfaction of these needs, people would not be able to partake[color=red]（n ）[/color]any other activities.
Such is the foundation for human beings to have the guarantee over these basic needs. Once the foundation is built, [color=blue]the further concrete of (这个是什么意思呢？)[/color]the development can be undertaken. However, there are still a significant number of people who are suffering from the absence of the basic needs.[color=blue]（这里举些穷人的例子好了） [/color]Money is raised by charities to help the poor and the homeless. We are also facing the biggest crisis of water. As the prices of food and water [color=blue]（虽然水资源短缺，但现在只知道油价飞涨，没听说过水价也飞涨的，至少我没听说。。。） [/color]are soaring over days, more and more people fall into the category of[color=blue] the hunger[/color] [color=blue]（poverty更好吧？）.[/color] It is unnecessary for governments to spend much more money on the development of ([color=red]the省略)[/color] computer technology while there is still a strong need to keep some people alive. If [color=red]ones[/color] [color=red]（为什么用ones?）[/color]are unable to live [color=red]the (a) [/color][color=#3366ff]healthy （这里应该不是是否healthy的问题）[/color]life, at no point the computer technology will be needed.
On the other hand, computer technology has been growing faster than any time in the [color=red](recent)[/color] decades, people have certainly benefited from it. But are all the innovations in computer technology necessary? Innovations such [color=red]like (as)[/color] [color=red]（a省略）[/color] paper thin computer screen is rather a waste of money than [color=blue]（a，我觉得用the）[/color] development of computer. Thus, government should be aware that before further improving the life quality for people, they should first ensure the basic life level for people.[color=red](improving the life quality 和ensure the basic life level应该是没有矛盾的啊) [/color]The further investment in computer technology will only polarize people further in society.[color=red]（how? 我觉得应该把有钱人和穷人分开来讲比较容易讲的清楚）[/color]
To conclude, because there are still a considerable number of people [color=red](are省略) [/color]living under the property line, governments should not spend much more money on the computer technology as it is already highly developed (这个值得怀疑哦~). Rather it is highly in demand for governments to pay more attention to those who are struggling surviving.
（很抱歉，能力有限，不能改的再细了，一起加油~）
[/size][/font] On tostudyinusa
Computer technology has developed dramatically since a couple of decades ago and [color=blue]has（cancel[/color]） largely altered the way things used to be. Many countries have realized the significance of computer technology and[color=blue] have(cancel[/color]) set aside huge sums of money particularly for the progress of it. Although opponents who [color=blue]contravene(违反，合适吗？)[/color] the idea of spending plenty of money on computer science development appear to be well-justified by accentuating the importance of some basic needs such as infrastructure construction and reduction of poverty and starvation, I believe that it is tenable for the government to expend means to advance the computer technology.
In the first place, computer technology can enormously benefit the country in various aspects. [color=blue]Thanks to the great efficiency and accuracy, the government is able to handle the problems in military managements and statistical analysis in economy（这句貌似和文章无关，最好加上because of the computer）.[/color] By taking advantage of the high rate and immense capacity of computers, companies easily establish the model of markets, production processes and expenses and can further fully control these things and make sound tactics. Similarly, an individual [color=blue]can be saved( can save[/color]) precious time when at work by making use of a computer. He can analyze data and consult experts through a computer. The indisputable feats of the computer work naturally promotes the further developments of[color=blue] it（指代不明？[/color]） no matter how much money is needed, for the more and better merits computers can possibly bring to mankind.
Moreover, the basic needs are in fact [color=red]susceptible of (susceptible to+n.其他用法没查到)[/color]improvement via the evolution of computers. The reasons are readily obvious. More suitable plans of urban infrastructure construction can be carried out if designers and engineers make good use of the computers. Medical equipment and treatment can be more fairly distributed with the aid of computers technology. Agricultural matters including dissemination and harvest and the like can be [color=blue]better and more（请教better修饰什么）[/color] efficiently conducted with the information of weather changes provided by specialized computers. Combined with information technology, computers can help the governments obtain essential intelligence and transport the alms and aids faster to the areas where people suffer from natural disasters or famine.
On the whole, computer technology is well worthy of further progress regardless of the cost of money that the government may be burdened with（太绝对了）.
总体不错，也没什么大错误，就是我不知道第二点理由合不合适
回复 23# ly-xiao653 的帖子
对于那个and后面还要不要has have我持保留意见。因为写的话似乎比较平行。当然不写也是对的。contravene确实用错了，谢谢指出。背单词的时候记得不准确::18 ::z8
第二段就是想说电脑的高效和精确啊，然后给人们带来便利。怎么会无关呢
关于save的用法，我想我用得是对的，因为这里是save sb sth或者sb be saved sth，物做主语人做宾语的
这是牛津高阶里的解释，我用的是这一条用法
[attach]559932[/attach]
那个it我想应该指代比较明确啊。那一句话只有一个单数名词computer work啊。这是来自新东方老师的一个做托福阅读指代题的技巧，就是指代的时候数要一致，呵呵
susceptible of用法见下
[attach]559933[/attach]
better修饰conducted，是better和more efficiently两个比较级的并列一起修饰be conducted
关于第二个理由，我就是想说发展computer technology实际上和basic needs不矛盾，因为有先进的computer technology可以很大改善这些basic needs。不知道是否站得住脚。也可能是我没有论述清楚。
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-28 18:11 编辑 [/i]] 队长果然厉害，向你致敬。::11
自己水平有限，评价不当的别见怪::z8
不过又增长知识了，向你学习::z1
回复 25# ly-xiao653 的帖子
呵呵，互相学习，共同进步 [size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Whether or not the governments should appropriate more funds on fostering the advancement of computer technology? People may have [color=#3366ff]assorted([/color][/font][/size][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]没懂放在这什么意思[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman])[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] opinions on this [color=lime]stubborn [/color]issue when taking some basic needs into consideration. After [color=red]scrupulous (scrupulously)[/color] looking at this issue, I believe that governments should budget not only for programs involving computer technology, but also for proposals dealing with basic needs.First of all, great changes have taken place after the invention of computer. As a consequence, [color=lime]people will approve the statement that the computer could be one of the most critical inventions in[/color] [color=red](the) [/color][color=lime]twenty first century without reservation in respect that the computer drastically accelerates the development of our society and brings significant influence [/color][color=#3366ff]on (to)[/color] [color=lime]our life[/color]. The most obvious and meaningful transformation could be that people have been [color=lime]emancipated[/color] from tedious and boring daily work. A classic example often cited is that now people have not to place the billions of CMOS gates by themselves, which could be cost one year or more before the emergence of computer. In addition, the computer significantly provides much more opportunities to the people who are far away or even live at opposite sides on Earth. As a result, our Earth is called “village” given that the computer takes us transcend the barriers of countries and then people have more [color=#3366ff]tolerance([/color][/font][/size][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]忍耐[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]??..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]觉得有点不妥[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]用了解是不是好一点[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]?comprehension)[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] toward the people with different background.
However, we should admit that in spite of the merits of computer presented above, it is [color=lime]irrefutable [/color]that at times the computer will carry negative effects on our society which will be [color=lime]counterproductive[/color] or even harmful. The harm it produces, in my opinion, both palpable and profound. At the individual level, some people cannot resist the content including violent and erotic materials, which could be the direct reasons of high rate of criminals. And also the diseases related to work aided by computers are the main threatening of people’s health. On the other hands, at the social level, the security of people’s possessions, key documents and privacy [color=red]is[/color] [color=red](are) [/color]threaten by hackers and computer viruses, which causes serious concerns of the future of computer technology.
At the same time, no one can deny the fact that we should pay high values on the programs involving human basic needs, which play key role in [color=#3366ff](the) [/color]stability of society. Although the twenty first century witnessed the great advancement of medical science, some problems, such as cancel and ASID, still haunt scientists and ordinary people. In order to prolong human expectancy and reduce lifelong fear, government should aid the researches related to these fields. Additionally, [color=#3366ff]although[/color] [color=#3366ff]([/color][/font][/size][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这段前面刚用过[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]同义词互换[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],in spite of that)[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]an increasing number of countries have taken measurements to slow down the trend of global warming , environmental crisis is also worth being mentioned in that excessive deforestation, hunting, fishing are continuing. And also, out-space exploration should be invested on when we take long-term crisis into painstaking consideration.
In sum, it is imperative that the governments should invest on computer technology in order to rasp more benefits on the grounds that the potential significant changes will be triggered by it. However, at the same time, the programs dealing with human basic needs upon which the society depend and survive are worth being paid serious attention to.
1.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]计算机的好处，高效和增加人们之间的交流[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]2.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]计算机的坏处，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]a[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，网络暴力和色情，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]b[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]人们的隐私和财产等得不到保障[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]3.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]我们还是要关注[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]basic needs[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，因为他们涉及到社会的稳定和发展[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size]
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[color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]又来了一位牛人[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]….[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]单词量很大[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]…[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]有些长句写的很不错呃[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~~[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]不过整篇作文而言[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]长句稍微多了点[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]我读着有点累[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]如果能长短结合那就更好了[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~![/font][/size][/color]
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[color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]内容方面[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一个[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]reason[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]有例子[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]但后面两个觉得少了例子[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]都在说道理[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]议论[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]说服力欠缺了点[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]. [/font][/size][/color]
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[color=#3366ff][font=宋体]我想问一下[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]是限时完成的么[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]??..[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]快[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]600[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]个字[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]很厉害啊[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]~!! [/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]我感觉我不限时最多最多[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]500[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]字出头一点点[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]..= =..[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]那也要绞尽脑汁[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体]呵呵[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]~ [/font][/color]
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[color=#3366ff][font=宋体]能力有限，改得不好或不对的地方请谅解指出[/font][/color][color=#3366ff][font=Times New Roman]~~^^*..[/font][/color]
看看新组员同学的作文。写得很不错，呵呵
[quote]原帖由 [i]nk_tomoyo[/i] 于 2008/7/28 22:25 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12283632&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url][font=Times New Roman]Whether or not the governments should [color=green][u]appropriate[/u][/color] more funds on [color=green][u]foster[/u][/color]ing the advancement of computer technology[color=red][u]?（如果是问句，就只能说Should the governments......用Whether引导主语从句也很好，但是你这么写就不完整，因为只有主语，后面要加谓语，比如可以去掉问号，加is a controversial issue）[/u][/color] People may have [color=#3366ff]assorted([/color][/font][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]没懂放在这什么意思[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]) [u](assorted各种各样的)[/u][/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]opinions on this [color=lime]stubborn [/color]issue when taking some basic needs into consideration[color=green][u]（这一句写得好）.[/u][/color] After [color=red]scrupulous (scrupulously)[/color] looking at this issue, I believe that governments should budget not only for programs involving computer technology, but also for proposals dealing with basic needs[color=green][u]（这一句也写得好，呵呵）.[/u][/color]
First of all, great changes have taken place after the invention of computer. As a consequence, [color=lime]people will approve [color=red][u]（加of）[/u][/color]the statement that the computer could be one of the most critical inventions in[/color] [color=red](the) [/color][color=lime]twenty first century without reservation in respect that the computer [color=blue]drastically(这个词一般和下降、减少的意思搭配。可以用dramatically)[/color] accelerates the development of our society and brings significant influence [/color][color=#3366ff]on (to)[/color] [color=lime]our life[/color]. The most obvious and meaningful transformation could be that people have been [u][color=lime]emancipated[/color][color=blue](一般是在政治社会等方面的解放，可能不太合适)[/color][/u] from tedious and boring daily work. A classic example often cited is that now people [color=red][u]have not to(do not have to)[/u][/color] place the billions of CMOS gates by themselves, which could [color=red][u]be(去掉)[/u][/color] cost one year or more before the emergence of computer. In addition, the computer significantly provides much more opportunities to the people who are far away or even live at opposite sides on Earth. As a result, our Earth is called “village” given that the computer [color=red][u]takes（makes??）[/u][/color] us [color=green][u]transcend the barriers[/u][/color] of countries and then people have more [color=#3366ff]tolerance([/color][/font][/size][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]忍耐[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]??..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]觉得有点不妥[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]用了解是不是好一点[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]?comprehension)[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] toward the people [color=blue][u]with(from)[/u][/color] different background[u][color=red]s[/color][/u].
However, we should admit that in spite of the merits of computer presented above, it is [color=lime]irrefutable [/color]that at times the computer will carry negative effects on our society which will be [color=lime]counterproductive[/color] or even harmful. The harm it produces, in my opinion, [color=red][u]are[/u][/color] both palpable and profound. At the individual level, some people cannot resist the content including violent and erotic materials, which could be the direct reasons of high rate of criminals. And also the diseases related to work aided by computers are the main [color=red][u]threatening(threat)[/u][/color] of people’s health. On the other hand[b][u][color=red]s(没有s)[/color][/u][/b], at the social level, the security of people’s possessions, key documents and privacy [color=red]is[/color] [color=red](are) [u][color=slategray]（这里用is是正确的）[/color][/u] [/color]threaten[u][color=red]ed(关于threat的一些衍生词似乎没有搞清楚)[/color][/u] by hackers and computer viruses, which causes serious concerns of the future of computer technology.
At the same time, no one can deny the fact that we should [color=blue][u]pay（place） high values on[/u][/color] the programs involving human basic needs, which play key role in [color=#3366ff](the) [/color]stability of society. [color=green][u]Although the twenty first century witnessed the great advancement of medical science, some problems, such as [color=red]cancel(cancer)[/color] and [color=red]ASID(AIDS)[/color], still haunt scientists and ordinary people.[/u][/color] In order to prolong human [color=blue][u]expectancy(不太懂是说什么)[/u][/color] and reduce lifelong fear, government should aid the researches related to these fields. Additionally, [color=#3366ff]although[/color] [color=#3366ff][u]([/u][/color][/font][/size][u][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这段前面刚用过[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]..[/font][/size][/color][color=#3366ff][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]同义词互换[/size][/font][/color][color=#3366ff][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman],in spite of that) （确实刚刚就在上一句用了although的，不过用in spite of的话后面不能直接加that从句，必须在of和that之间加一个名词，把变成同位语从句，因为in spite of 和despite后面都只能接名词或者名词短语）[/font][/size][/color][/u][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]an increasing number of countries have taken [u][color=red]measurements（改为measures。measurement是另外一个意思） [/color][/u]to slow down the trend of global warming , environmental crisis is [color=blue][u]also(still)[/u][/color] worth being mentioned [color=green][u]in that[/u][/color] excessive deforestation, hunting, fishing are continuing. And also, out[color=red][u]er[/u][/color]-space exploration should be invested [color=red][u]on(in)[/u] [/color]when we take long-term crisis into painstaking consideration.
In sum, it is imperative that the governments should invest [color=red][u]on（in）[/u] [/color]computer technology in order to [color=red][u]rasp(???)[/u][/color] more benefits on the grounds that the potential significant changes will be triggered by it. However, at the same time, the programs dealing with human basic needs upon which the society depend and survive are worth being paid serious attention to.
1.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]计算机的好处，高效和增加人们之间的交流[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]2.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]计算机的坏处，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]a[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，网络暴力和色情，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]b[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]人们的隐私和财产等得不到保障[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]3.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]我们还是要关注[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]basic needs[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，因为他们涉及到社会的稳定和发展[/size][/font]... [/quote]
新组员同学的语言确实很不错，词汇和句法掌握都很不错。
有一些小瑕疵，nk_tomoyo已经指出来了，[u]加横线的是我的补充[/u]
中立观点，可以采用。
我觉得中间的第二三段没有论证完整。说了计算机的好处坏处之后说明了什么呢？该花钱在上面还是不该还是不能全部花在上面？虽然你的第一段和最后一段都说了既要花钱在计算机又要在basic needs，但是我觉得在第二三段更应该清楚说明这一点。第二三段是理由，就要点出来，而不是单纯的说好处坏处，否则有点不到位，扣题不够。第四段就说到了invest，就好一些
另外就是outer space exploration是否属于basic needs我有点怀疑，说医疗和环境我觉得已经足够而且很好。 [quote]原帖由 [i]threetigers107[/i] 于 2008-7-27 22:58 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12273343&ptid=1089532][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
The development of computer technology has been burgeoning over years, and a large amount of money has been invested in this area by governments. Some people support governments to spend as much money ... [/quote]
谢谢了咯!很受益的!
on blue-scorption
There is no doubt that our world has been living in the computer era[color=blue](用entering into the IT epoch好想更好些).[/color] Computer becomes our indispensable helper in daily life, like manufacturing, teaching, designing and so on. [color=lime]As the saying goes,[/color] “a person who cannot use computers is illiterate in the 21st century.” In terms of the background, more and more people appeal to governments to lay[color=blue]（more）[/color] stress on the computer technology, which means governments should spend as much money as possible on it. However, another group of people argue that those basic needs, such as education, housing, public health services, should be the focus. Personally, I prefer the latter idea because of following perspectives.During the long history of human beings, basic needs are the eternal theme. It is consensus that [color=blue]people should eat firstly(是不是民以食为天的意思，我查到是food is what matters people),[/color] or house is the prerequisite to a family. I cannot image that a society is filled with poverty and starvation, and of course, no matter how advanced its computer technology is, it makes no sense to this society. Actually, if a person’s basic living standard cannot be guaranteed, he will not pay any attention to that so-called high technology like computer technology. So how can we ensure that the society will make a breakthrough on computer technology while no one cares about it? Therefore, government should not put[color=lime] the incidental before the fundamental[/color]. In other words, meeting public’s basic needs are government’s urgent business.
On the contrary, basic needs’ being met [color=blue]gives benefits to(to 在这是介词？)[/color] developing computer technology. If government’s policy and laws are[color=red] partial(partial有偏袒，不公正的意思，用在这好像不太好，觉得consider more for ordinary people怎么样？) [/color]to ordinary people, we make sure that people must support the government. Under this circumstance, the government can implement other policies more successfully, including those whose aim is developing or buying computer technology. Here is a telling example about a disastrous consequence of breaking the balance between basic needs and high technology. The former Soviet Union was used to be one of the two superpowers around the world. During a long period, it spent almost the total expense on developing military technology in order to excel the United States. Unfortunately, the kind of competition in arms drained the country of its manpower and wealth. As a consequence, the former Soviet Union disintegrated in 1991. Such a lesson should be treasured in our memories.
Admittedly, we admire that computer technology makes our life more convenient and comfortable, and we cannot erase its significant contribution to us. However, basic needs should be put in the first place, and then, advanced computer technology also aims at meeting basic needs like CAD, which stands for computer aided design. In conclusion, I support the idea that government should spend more money on basic needs.
1、同意第二个观点 苏联的例子很好~~
文章整体结构很好！
大家一起加油！~~
ps
不好意思，又晚交了，真是抱歉！
on ly-xiao653
[size=3][font=Times New Roman]風災後網路上不去[/font][/size][font=Times New Roman][size=3]又得去校園整理[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3]太晚交請見諒[/size][/font]
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[size=3][font=Times New Roman]In order to catch up with the fast pace of the industrialized world, modern people have to acquire computer technology and use it as a foundational skill of surviving. Some authorities argue that government should invest more money on developing or buying computer technology, so that his people will not[color=blue] be discarded by the new era[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（讀過[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]be discarded[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]但是沒看過這樣寫，感覺怪怪的，我會寫[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]his people will keep up with the new era[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman], however, I proposal that instead money should be paid for the basic needs.[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Some computer manufacturer propagandize that people who can operate computer adroitly can get a high repaid job, and students who study computer skill in college can get a good employment in an IT enterprise, then they make a conclusion that investing on computer will help the poor get rid of their previous identity. However, according to the current investigation, the rate of the different rank of people in the hierarchical society who have access to the computer is diverse. The rich people who can use a computer have a higher rate than the poor, even students, always be thought who have the equal rights in learning knowledge, are distinguished by their identity: a student from noble school has a very high rate, up to 85%, to operate a computer in the school library, whereas a student who can only afforded the tuition of the stated school can use computer in a very low rate, below 15%. So it is safe to say no matter how much money the government spends on computer technology, [color=blue]the gap between the rich and poor would not be decreased. On the precisely contrary, the gap will be extended to an unpredictable degree for the rich will become richer and poor will become poorer by comparison. [/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（感覺最後這裡和題目或是本段要討論的關連性較小，有點跑題去提到貧富差距，應該不需強調，或是寫即使花錢投資電腦，貧者還是越貧富者越富，所以應該用在基本建設）[/font][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]However[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]（感覺改成[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]Even though[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]語氣較通順）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] the computer plays an important role in our daily life, we can not spend as much money as we can on it. Just as the old saying goes,” Technology is a[color=blue] two edged sword[/color][/font][font=新細明體]（[/font][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]double-edged sword[/font][/color][font=新細明體]）[/font][font=Times New Roman].” We should realize [color=blue]the advantage and the disadvantage[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（加[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]s[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] of this technology. Although we can not ignore the fortune brought by computer technology, and deny the benefit from it as well, we also should know the prevailing phenomenon: more and more young adults are indulged in computer games, and the number of school students who are addicted in the virtual world created by the cubic space. By contrast, instead of the invisible world, the [color=blue]resolve[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]resolve[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]當名詞表示決心，改[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]resolution[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] of the problem of basic needs is more tangible: establishing a hospital for impoverished villagers, paving a high way in a far away town, or promising the supply of water for the wet area.[/font][/size]
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[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Moreover, [color=blue]however[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（改[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]in spite of[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] the worldwide growth of economy and increasing personal property, the poor suffered from starvation and worn with ragged clothes is a common problem in every area of the world. Currently the income chasm between the rich and poor sometimes results in the chaos of the society, even if the lowest standard of the living can not be provided, it will bring about the irrigation of the community. So I maintain government should spend money on basic needs rather than computer development.[/font][/size]
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[font=新細明體][size=3]想法很好[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]文章讀起來感覺有點用反證法[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]說明基本建設的部份很少[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]主要說明發展電腦科技的不足[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]然後闡明基本需求的重要[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]感覺要這樣寫難度較高[/size][/font]
[font=新細明體][size=3]自己也很少這樣寫[/size][/font]
on bardin
[color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]How to use the money properly is always the question, especially for the governments.[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（个人感觉不是太喜欢这个开头，感觉这篇文章想说怎么用钱的问题。事实上其实是讨论**的对款项的使用问题，进而是**工作的倚重点。如果说“[u]**如何支配财政[/u]”一直是个问题，这样会不会妥当些？这个完全是个人好恶，不当之处多多见谅）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] Some people think that governments should spend much money as possible on developing or buying computer [color=#0070c0]technology; while[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（分号一）[/font][/color][font=Calibri]others tend to focus on the basic needs. Although it is not easy to give a correct answer to this question, I still hold the [color=red]opinions[/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]s[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]删删掉没什么不可吧？）[/font][/color][font=Calibri]
that governments should spend more money on basic needs for three key reasons.[/font]
[font=Calibri]Firstly, in my country, there are millions of people[/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（要不要加[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]who[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]的啊各位？？？）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] can not earn their[color=#0070c0] livings; thus[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（分号二）[/font][/color][font=Calibri]
the government has to spend the money to provide them with more chances to [color=#0070c0]find their jobs[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（是不是用[u]提供岗位，解决就业问题[/u]这样的表述显得正式些？[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]find jobs[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]总给人感觉是不会用解决就业问题时候说的替代用法，应该展示自己的词汇能力）[/font][/color][font=Calibri][color=#0070c0].[/color] Even it is not easy to add more chances to the [color=#0070c0]nationals; however[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（分号三）[/font][/color][font=Calibri], the government has to support them with food first. Moreover, in order to help them find jobs, the government has to[color=red] held[/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]hold[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] some courses to teach them the novelty skills about their work.[/font]
[font=Calibri]Secondly, the health of people is also a [color=#0070c0]question[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]issue[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]确切）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] to focus on. Even in the countryside [color=#0070c0]of a city[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（不用加[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]of a city[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]了，感觉不地道）[/font][/color][font=Calibri], there are not enough hospitals, needless to say in the [color=#0070c0]valley[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（不知道为什么要说到河谷？）[/font][/color][font=Calibri].[color=#0070c0] If[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（用[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]now that[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]表既然，问责的语气强烈些）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] the government has money to developing computer technology, why not focus on health care. To set up more hospitals in the countryside as well as to train more skilled medical worker is urgent. Without healthy bodies, it is impossible to raise the living standard. [/font]
[font=Calibri]Thirdly, [/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]thirdly[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]之后说教育问题，但是不要很狭窄地马上引出[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]universities[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]，用[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]education[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]，例子再用[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]universities[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]，个人意见）[/font][/color][font=Calibri]the universities are insufficient and incapable of offering sufficient[/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（一句之中前后出现两次[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]sufficient[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]，尽管是反义，还是显得重复，换一下好些）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] chances for the diligent students in my country. To solve this problem, the government must establish more universities. In June, there are numerous [color=red]of[/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]numerous[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]为形容词义，[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]of[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]删）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] students attending the entrance [color=#0070c0]examination; while[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（分号四）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] only a quarter of them are qualified to enter universities.[/font][font=宋体]（[color=#0070c0]这里最好插一句[u]高质量的教育会为国家培养高素质的人才[/u]，然后后面衔接上因此，如果没有……就……个人意见）[/color][/font][font=Calibri] Without plenty experts who own the specific knowledge, spending money on developing and buying computer technology is impracticable. [/font]
[font=Calibri]To sum up, for the government, to find the balance of the usage of money is hard. However, to sustain the jobless nationals, to improve the [color=#0070c0]nationals’[/color][/font][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]（对[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]national[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]的用法有疑问的，既有国民的名词义，又有“国民的”的形容词义，那在表示国民的的时候，需不需要这样[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=Calibri]s’[/font][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体]）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] health, and to establish more universities are my reasons to suggest the government [color=red]to[/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]（[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]suggest sb. do sth.[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]，删[/font][/color][color=red][font=Calibri]to[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]）[/font][/color][font=Calibri] spend money on basic needs.[/font]
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[font=宋体]有一个非常郁闷的事情是分号有点多，而且我不知道分号后面的句子的首字母需不需要大写？感觉有的分号没有必要啊[/font][font=Calibri]…[/font][font=宋体]不知道本人怎么看了。[/font]
[font=宋体]还有就是认为文章说服力不够强，应该讲讲忽视[/font][font=Calibri]basic needs[/font][font=宋体]的严重后果，而不是每段最后一句带过而已，正反结合一下会不会好些？[/font]
[font=宋体]不当之处，多多包涵[/font][font=Calibri]^_^[/font]
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