初次献丑，请帮忙修改作文
要求：Discribe a product that you enjoy,and advertise for it to be more conceiveful,with relervant message and emotional appeal.[align=center]Cellphone-ABC[/align] With inceasing development of economy,it is a type of qualied cellphone that plays more and more important role for communicating in mordern days.How inconvenient and ineffient it will be,you can assume,without it.So I enjoy it.
Now let me introduce an unusual new type of cellphone-ABC- to you.Why is it unusual?Foremost,with more functions,it can used to listening to music.A bulky momery support you store as many as 300 songs.Meanwhile,when a message is need replying,you can write on the display directly like writing on papers.What's more,recently I got a new ABCcellphone,several times I was so careless to drop it on the floor.I have thought that it must have been out of work.However,to my big surprise,it seemed nothing,listening and singing as usual.So I trust in it's quality wiyhout doubt.
To sum up,with ABC to live a more relaxed and happy life,isn't perfict?With ABC,you'll find that the opposite side of the earth is just aroud you.With ABC,the earlier you have it,the smaller the world will be.Come on,right now. 楼主你的拼写错误很多，放到word里面全是红
你还是尽量自己先修改一下，最起码解决 拼写错误吧，这样让别人也看的舒服，也有好心情和你共同探讨
这样的话大家都不好受，更不用说改了 加油，努力！！
回复 2# FFFMZJB 的帖子
o 果然，果然，谢谢指教:loveliness:在下一定虚心修改，还望继续捧场，呵呵 [align=center][align=center][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一次传作文，写的实在不成熟，修改了一下，再次上传，麻烦大家多提意见和批评噢，再此深表感谢噜::z5 ～[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=center][align=center][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]要求：Describe a product that you enjoy. And explain how you would advertise for it to be more convincible, using relevant message and emotional appeal.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=center][align=center]
[/align][/align][align=center][align=center][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Cell phone-ABC[/size][/font][/align][/align][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] With increasing development of economy ,it is cell phone that plays more and more important role for communicating in modern days .How inconvenient and inefficient it will be ,you can assume ,if there is none cell phone ,and how to drive the gigantic wheel of our earth to roll forward quickly. So whatever emotionally and rationally, I just enjoy cell phone.
Now let me show you an unusual new cell phone-ABC- to you .I’m so confident in it’s charm for following reasons: Foremost, with more functions, it can used to listening to music. A bulky memory which is up to 2 G is competent enough to support you to store as many as 300 songs. Meanwhile when a message is need replying, you can write on the display directly just like writing on papers .What's more, the radiation, as scientists has tested, is really limited to less, which has been a patent of ABC cell phone limited company. In addition, recently I got a new ABC cell phone, several times I was so careless to drop it on the floor. I have thought that it must have been out of work. However, to my big surprise, it seemed that nothing have happened to it, listening and singing as usual. So I trust in the quality without a little doubt.
To sum up, ABC means a more relaxed and happy life; ABC means that the end of
the earth is just besides you. The earlier you have one, the smaller the world will be. Come on with the trend, you will never regret.[/size][/font] it is cell phone that plays more and more important role
role 既然是单数，是不是应该加个冠词呢？
How inconvenient and inefficient it will be ,you can assume ,if there is none cell phone ,and how to drive the gigantic wheel of our earth to roll forward quickly.
这句我觉得结构很乱
Now let me show you an unusual new cell phone-ABC- to you .
都写了“show you”了结尾怎么又来一个“to you”
it can used to listening to music.
因为文章已经有不少it开头的了，这里可以换一下，比如接前句for example, music player.
Meanwhile when a message is need replying,
这里语法错误，如果你要这么写应该是needing to reply，不过建议换成别的句式
What's more
没有这种表达吧。。。换成further more什么的
ABC cell phone limited company
limited company？是公司名字么？这个limited不知道是什么意思
several times I was so careless to drop it on the floor.
改为 I was so careless to drop it on the floor for several times.
listening and singing as usual.
这句很奇怪。。。手机会听么？
ABC means that the end of the earth is just besides you.
这个是啥？？
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
以上纯属个人短见。。。。
我也是新手。。。
LZ继续努力，共同进步 oh, everybody is active. very nice.
回复 6# Basilica 的帖子
o 说的真是不错！万分感谢！ABC cell phone limited company
这句我是想说：“。。。有限公司”，嘎，不知有没有这么说的
ABC means that the end of the earth is just besides you
这句我想表达“有了ABC手机，天边便不再遥远”也没太想好怎么说能更好。。。
总之，还是要十分感谢你啊。^o^ 顶~~~~ [align=left][align=left][b][font=Verdana][size=11.5pt][url=http://www.wofu.org,Custom]www.wofu.org,Custom[/url] essay, term paper and dissertation writing service[/size][/font][/b][/align][/align]
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