不知道有没有人能帮我看一下作文(页 1) - IELTS考试 - 太傻超级论坛

zyrbn 发表于 2008-7-20 11:47

不知道有没有人能帮我看一下作文

TASK2的，看着给个分和多多批评，谢谢了~ cXwJ8Qp
[size=16pt][font=Times New Roman]Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.[/font][/size]:?Be)@O
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[size=16pt][font=Times New Roman]In the development of modern society, there is always a dispute about what should university provide to their students. Some insist that college must teach theoretical knowledge mostly, but others disagree, holding the belief that more practical training is needed. As to me, I uphold the opinion that practical training is more important than imparting theoretical knowledge and its quotient in the curriculum of university should be enhanced.[/font][/size]%A0] V(f&Fn
[size=16pt][font=Times New Roman]Generally speaking, we have a conscious thought that lots of graduates have much difficulty in finding a job. When they went job-hunting, problems arose: lack of specific skills in doing certain kind of job, shortage of proficient knowledge, or even absence of ability in communication. I have to claim that all this could due to the education style of university because of it focusing too much on theoretical knowledge impairing. Most students who have the wish to learn some practical skills may not be able to acquire the knowledge they really want.[/font][/size]5I'b,n%s r&a
[size=16pt][font=Times New Roman]I have to confess that there are some skill-training institutions which provide this kind of practical training, and they could give you a very promising chance in job-hunting. But for most of us, we have a sense that this kind of degree could not guarantee the promotion after you got a job, and that is the reason why people would kill for entering the university, seeking for a better ability certification.[/font][/size]T1@1\v}7D(X1l
[size=16pt][font=Times New Roman]As has been noted, the skills which is imparted through the university’s education should include not only some theoretical and professional knowledge but also, more importantly, abundant practical training for it which should be provided more in the curriculum decide the future of students.[/font][/size]

cheng7777 发表于 2008-7-20 15:30

我作文也很一般。。我帮你顶顶吧

zyrbn 发表于 2008-7-21 09:13

沉了……顶一顶看有没有人……

shaoyu553 发表于 2008-7-21 09:28

我作文还没开始准备呢!不过觉得LZ写得很好!
个人觉得第三段写得有点跑题当然我还没准备作文的你就当我瞎说吧哈哈

checkboxinside 发表于 2008-7-22 07:04

语法错误较少.句子也基本写的比较清楚. 不过论证性似乎不是很强. 勉强也能给6分吧
we have a sense that this kind of degree could not guarantee the promotion after you got a job 这个有这么个问题.
我明白.你想说.XXX无法保障以后的晋级.但单从简单的语法上看的话.we have a sense that后面接的从句没有什么虚拟的成分.所以用过去式could及后面的got .虽然我不能说这不对.但我可以问你.你能保证一定正确么? 如果不能保证.只能说应该也对吧.之类的话.那么你应该放弃他. 因为有其他表达方式可以保证对.为什么不用而要冒险呢.是么5rd3P/gw}"a~x
e.g we have a sense that this kind of degree always doesn't guarantee the further promotion in the work careerDXL3_jcE
何乐而不为?
其次 because of it focusing too much on theoretical knowledge impairing 这就比较低的mistake了p3P3u!a)O}~K
because of 接名词.because加丛句. 后面怎么看也不象名词.那只能用because并且后面focusing怎解释?[+h)q/E^c7E
why people would kill for entering the university 不明白想说什么.
最后一段看了几遍没明白结构.给解剖了下结构如下..Q h+B!Q|
the skills should include not only A but also B for it which should be provided more in the curriculum decide the future of students. 问题. 1 it 是什么?后面的which是指什么? decide the future of student... 什么decide?

jasonroc 发表于 2008-7-22 12:17

I have to claim that all this could due to the education style of university because of it focusing too much on theoretical knowledge impairing.
due to 是副词！！！！还有，一句话里面居然连用两个因果关系……这个应该写成this could be attributed to..., which has been focusing too much on theoretical knowledge
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谁来解释一下那个impairing……
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Most students who have the wish to learn some practical skills may not be able to acquire the knowledge they really want.
同样的问题，may (not) be able to...

lots of是口水词，要替换掉；kind of 重复使用，不过相比来讲不是大问题
RDm!WD K(xP
第二段第二句的时态不应该用过去时，因为你整篇全是现在时，那句话也不是一个例子，所以应该保持时态的一致性7K ntDQZ mT ?-O

最后一段我也没看明白。任何一个自然段，绝对不能只写一句话！！`uIGi1@t;s t
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已经提出来的就不重复了oy i&gAH(c['i
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结论就是：明显用了模板（就这一条，6分没戏），但是不符合自己的水平或者是写作习惯。加上上面的那些错误（尤其是那个due to）……LZ你好自为之吧

[[i] 本帖最后由 jasonroc 于 2008-7-22 12:19 编辑 [/i]]

oscar19820308 发表于 2008-7-22 12:58

帮顶顶吧~让高手看看::11

donotsayno 发表于 2008-7-22 17:05

单词量够了，也算言之有物，就是低级语法错误要避免，不然印象分就去掉0.5了。

jeddyzhang 发表于 2008-7-22 17:55

这篇作文过于模式化。第二段语法错误很多，最基本的就是事态，“when they went jobhunting.."一系列的论述应该都是现在时。还有"could due to"那个没有谓语。用词也不够准确，abundant没有adequate贴切。

gunderman 发表于 2008-7-22 23:47

to be honest, several grammatical errors, particularly in the conclusion section. why not try to use some simple and common words to express your idea accurately and properly. Also, some words are still used too often. I always think Task 2 should be written in short and clear-cut sentences to make your view relevant and to the point.
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To clear the examiner's mind rather than confuse him should be our ultimate goal in taking the ielts writing test.

mihuanzhiyin 发表于 2008-7-23 08:52

回复 10# gunderman 的帖子

很有道理::31

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不知道有没有人能帮我看一下作文

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