24号考，作文必须要6的说。想请达人帮忙看看我写的sample够格不
[b][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Students should study alone instead of studying in groups. To what extent do you agree?[/font][/size][/b]5e ar0J,VM5C#^n}[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]The issue that arguing in what ways should students study is not a new one, among which harboring the opinion that students should study alone instead of studying in groups is a reasonable one, as far as I am concerned, taking all the possible perspectives into account.[/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Some people really argue that studying in groups can develop students’ sense of cooperating with other people, which is quite crucial for their further development. Conversely, they are oversimplifying this situation. Without providing them with proper guidance on how to cope with each other efficiently may result in unexpected problems. Being lack of enough contact within the group, each member may find it hard to do work together with his or her teammate, thus reduce the efficiency of the group. What’s worse, one student may become lazier and more dependent after some time in the group working, since he may find it not so important for him to finish his part of work with the help of his teammates. This occasion may deeply impair the student’s personal ability.[/font][/size]:^ _?5] L w;u!~%]"a
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]On the contrary, studying alone really does a lot more benefits to the student than studying in groups. A student should learn to do things all by himself, involving the perspectives such as collecting data, choosing books to read, gathering information and solving encountered problems. Thus the student’s sense of independence and coping with difficulties will be properly developed, which will be beneficial to their exams and future developments, since in most cases they are likely to encounter, there will be no one they can turn to for help.[/font][/size]B8D4w ^9g C'x
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Overall, I approve the viewpoint that students should study alone instead of studying in groups for the sake of their own benefits. Whilst teamwork will always be one alternative for them to choose from, when studying in groups is necessary.[/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]RT。。因为学校对作文的硬性规定加之自己没法评分现在比较紧张。。复习得自认为还行，这个作文是我练过的一篇，老师没时间给我看了，想请教板上考过的达人指教一下……这个标准够6了不。。还应该怎么改进。。。万分感谢了~！！[/font][/size][/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][size=12pt]24号大家加油:-)[/size][/font][/size] 顶一下呢。。。麻烦看过的XDJM给点建议.d8M9h["A{4v U
自己第一次也是唯一一次机会可以烤鸭了。。。。 几点改进意见：W6}:y A3M&H+Xm
第一段只有一句，看着有点累；两个 a adj. one的结构，略显重复
第二段，thus reducing...而不是thus reduce；may find重复；to do work together是很奇怪的用法；?U+U(v:H{X-j
第三段， a lot是口语用词，不好；do benefit读着也很奇怪，用afford advantages/benefit是否更好？ 而且第三段的句子都太长了…… ^)u3n ep BUNQ^
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第四段，whilst是老式的英式英语，因此如果原文里面用的是美式拼写的话，还是不用whilst的好P eC;^m1D6^i
以上仅仅是第一印象，一会慢慢看看再说…… [quote]原帖由 [i]jasonroc[/i] 于 2008-7-21 23:21 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12204288&ptid=1094733][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
几点改进意见：
第一段只有一句，看着有点累；两个 a adj. one的结构，略显重复
第二段，thus reducing...而不是thus reduce；may find重复；to do work together是很奇怪的用法；{i4z e4Z kfX
第三段， a lot是口语用词，不好 ... [/quote] yi+Y\'R {_7L-as
太感谢了，说到的确实都是硬伤，写的时候没太注意啊，有的表达比较中国化了。收下了~~现在就改去。。。
呃…还有个小问题哈。。。6分作文的标准大概要到什么样子呢=。=我写作文应该就差不多是这个水平，当然熟悉的话题可能更有话说一点。不知最后几天还该怎么去复习清理一下呢？谢谢你~~o(∩_∩)o.. 作文分数的标准？……就这个不知道怎么说…你要是问另外三门我还能说出来点东西…把那本《十天突破雅思作文》看看吧，会有帮助的，如果时间不多了就只看第2-8天的内容吧，里面那些同义词汇代换可以好好看看
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还有，你的因果关系好像都是用的since的结构啊，这方面也来点多样性吧 也不给你虚渺的鼓励.5分
看看第一段就基本知道了.句子一个字就是 混乱. 站在一个中国人的角度.我明白你想说什么.站在一个英国人角度.不知道你在说什么
所以.建议就是 如果一个句子也好.一个语法上面的东西也好甚至是一个单词.如果不能确定百分之百正确..那么一定抛弃不用.为什么不使用其他单词呢.为什么不从另一种形式去表达呢?
是的.在能保障正确的情况.使用复杂的单词胜过使用简单的单词.使用复杂的句子美于使用口水句子.但不要忘记.如果不正确那岂不是偷鸡不成反蚀把米? +Q_!mB I|Y
approve the viewpoint 这个我不说错了.但英文里没有中文这么的"我赞同这观点" 这样的说法.2c`$Hi0e ` x4e
learn to do things 这话写出来基本没任何意义.让人感觉小学三年级孩子在考雅思.V M!l#?0u"X ^w~
encountered problems encounter problems 倒见过不少. encountered problems 从未见过 Z7Z!]yT8G
each member may find it hard to do work together he may find it not so important 一篇文章有两处这么低级的错误考观心理会怎么想呢?j6n#L HO,O:j
after some time in the group working 这个我确实不知道在说什么.
看出来LZ单词量比较少.语法也不好.这样的话就影响了自己的随意发挥.建议就是要套一定的模版了.不是死死地去套某个模版.而是看一批模版.然后总结出几个 "自己的". 方便考场使用与发挥. 第一段需要再写一句话，表明你的观点，你写的那句话也是有问题的，感觉是想把两个句子揉在一起，但是失败了。记住一定要很明显的表明你的观点。k'j n B(i+q L$n
第二段第一句develop，development可以考虑换其中一个，避免重复，比如可以把develop换成give rise to ，或者把后面的development换成advancement。然后觉得你这段写的几句话之间逻辑有点混乱，没读很明白你到底是要说在一起学习的好处还是坏处，比如without和being lack这两句是在说一起学习的好处，后面的what‘s worse 又在讲坏处。
第三段thus那句，很多词，比如thus，develop，sense of，development等等都和上面重复，可以考虑换一下，然后最后一句我明白你想表达的意思，但你那句话是错误的，encounter后面没有宾语了，此外encounter也使用了很多次，换个词。
最后一段，approve 做赞同讲时是不及物动词，要接宾语的话改成approve of the viewpoint，然后最后一句话没明白你是想表达什么意思，是说如果需要一起学习的话他们也可以选择一起学习？最后结尾段要紧扣你的论点，换个同义的说法重申强调一遍。1iu Rh W#\S^
全文来讲，你如果是要赞同独自学习反对一起学习，那么就应该把第三段写多一点，至少要比第二段写的多，以突出的论点，另外看起来字数好像不够啊，不过没有细数。 顶起。。。 7!::z1
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