独立写作练习，帮忙改一下哦，
Imagine that you are preparing for a trip. You plan to be away from your home for a year. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.J k3jP;ti假定你在准备依次旅行。 计划离家一年。除了衣服和个人用具外， 你可以带一件其他的东西， 你带什么？
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When it comes to the choice of an additional thing for a trip, as the saying goes, different people have different priorities. Personally, I would like to take a portable computer. I always bring a portable computer with me wherever I go. To some extend, it is the portable computer that plays an important role in my life. Why? As a matter of fact, portable computer is kind of a necessary for me, because it can be used to store information, provide entertainment and communicate with others during the journey.
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In the first place, the portable computer can be used to store information. Nowadays, it is a common phenomenon that people use computer as an effective tool to work. The benefits of this are obvious. All kinds of information, like documents, journals, pictures, video, audio, and the list could go on, can be stored in computers. So strong the harddisk is that we nearly don't need papers and pencils to keep information anymore. When it comes to a tourism, I really enjoy in taking a lot of beautiful pictures. For example, if I travel to Beijing, I would go to a lot of beautiful scenic spots like Xiangshan Mountain, Tian'an men Square, Tiantan, and I am quite sure that I will take a lot of pictures, not only the beautiful landscape there, but also a lot pictures of myself in many poses, like standing still. If I don't have a portable computer, I really cannot find a digital camera that can store picutures in such a large number.0xL A"B CT0tdh
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Secondly, portable computers can be used for relaxing. In other words, I can use it to watch movies, play games, and listen to music. I am interested in watching movies by computer, as it is very convenient to download some free movies from the internet and also I can watch many DVD. I remember that my favorite movie is " The Perfect Man", the leading actress of which is Hillary Duff. So beautiful Hillary Duff is that I watch all movies of her. Playing games are really funny. Computer games like chess, dancing games, DOTA are amazingly fascinating. I play games every day for half an hour, for the reason that I can totally relax while playing games. Listening to music is also a nice way to entertain myself. I like POP music and Classic music. Also, I like all songs by Mariah Carey, especially 'Hero'. Her songs make me feel strong while I am in weakness. Most importantly, all these entertainment stuff can be done by a portable computer in the night during my trip.~;Hp9y0va
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Last but not least, the portable computer also has the function of communication. Connecting to Internet, I can chat online with my friends and my family. This makes us feel close if we chat online now and then. I spend twenty minutes on chatting with my friends everyday to greet each other, to exchanges ideas, to share resource, to discuss problems. Another significant usage of portable computer is that I can receive all kinds of information, for instance, political news, entertainment news, economical news. I would not feel isolated from the outside world during the tour.
Considering all the factors above, I could safely draw a conclusion that I would take a portable computer with me while for a travel. This will help me to store beautiful photographs taken by me, and during the night of my trip, I can play games, watch movie, listen to music, and even chat online with my friends, my family. Also, I could scan news to know what's happening in the world. 呵呵 对应条理清晰
好像太太长了 精炼
一般
词汇多样性不行，语法单调了些，而且很闷长、、页:
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