各位看看小女这篇拙作能上6否？
[b][size=12pt][font=Calibri]Some people think that machine translation is highly developed in today’s society. Therefore it is not necessary for children to learn a foreign language. What’s your opinion?[/font][/size][/b][font=Calibri] [/font]
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[font=Calibri]With the development of science and technology, machine translation, as a tool to remove the barrier of understanding others from a foreign country, has been well advanced today. Under this circumstance, heated controversy has been arisen over whether it is necessary for children to learn a foreign language. From my own perspective, learning a foreign language is still essential for children.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]It goes without saying that children can profit a great deal from learning language. To start with, languages, as a bridge to connect different cultures, plays a pivotal role in children’s life. As a matter of fact, Chinese children get access to a vast number of Disney animations or cartoons that from Japan. But due to their lack of adequate knowledge of other languages, they are unable to better understand the contents, thereby losing interest of other culture. On the contrary, if they were taught foreign languages before, they would initiate aspiration and promote their interest to expand their outlook.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]In addition to that, the skill of speaking a foreign language may put children in a favorable position in the future job market. Indeed, with the acceleration of globalization, languages are playing an increasingly crucial role in international communication. On a daily basis, more and more foreign company and enterprise set up new factories and invest in china. Therefore, only if one can speak a foreign language, will he have the opportunity to be accepted.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]Admittedly, machine translation also bring about numerous convenience in our daily life. A best illustration of this point is that when we surf on the internet, browsing the websites or reading materials which are written in a foreign language, we can quickly translate them into our mother language via translation machine. Nevertheless, it is unrealistic for us to communicate with a foreigner in a face-to-face way with the help of translation machine since it is not so advanced yet as translating our voice up to the minute.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]After all, although it is undeniable that machine translation helps us to understand a foreign language, I still firmly believe that learning foreign languages is in the best interests of children.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]敬请各位达人指点一二，，不胜感激涕零。。[/font]
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[font=Calibri]小女这厢有礼了[/font] 没有人看看么？？ 这是什么作文啊？托福吗？有没有限时写呢?写得挺好的，肯定能有六分。有几点想说：
1.With the development of science and technology这个最后不用，有千万人用了，读文章的人一看就烦
2.machine translation, as a tool to remove the barrier of understanding others from a foreign country, has been well advanced today.把as a tool....放到well advanced today的后面，避免头重脚轻（不会有语法问题的，你放后面吧）
3.Under this circumstance有点中国式英语Under this circumstance, heated controversy has been arisen over whether it is necessary for children to learn a foreign language.改成heated controversy, hereby, has been arisen over whether it is necessary for children to learn a foreign language.是不是好些？
4.In addition to that改成In addition
5.Admittedly, machine translation also bring about numerous convenience....这里bring要改成brings
只有小小的用法不当，但这篇文章能达到6分要求了(个人意见，仅供参考）
[[i] 本帖最后由 dandan1989 于 2009-11-15 11:28 编辑 [/i]]
回复 3# dandan** 的帖子
謝謝你，，太感謝了，， 写得很好。。。很有压力页:
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