求雅思作文修改
[size=14pt][b]题目：[font=Times New Roman]Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.[/font][/b][/size][size=14pt][b]To what extent do you agree or disagree.[/b][/size]
[size=14pt]With the developing of our society, male and female should play the same role in all walks of life. Indeed,the reality is totally different. For example,it is shown in universities that the numbers of male and female are unequal in every subject. The debates will turn out to wether or not universities should enroll equal numbers of two gender in each subject,which was highlighted recently. For me, I insist everything have two sides-pros and cons.[/size]
[size=14pt]There are two advantages. On the one hand,each subject accept equal numbers of male and female,perhaps,could active the student's primal urge onto course learning.Boys struggle to show their best to attract girl's attention,and girls as well.Whatever in males or females,the potential competitive consciousness would be improved this phenomenon,which contributs to improving the efficient and interest of learning.On the the other hand,this policy of universities is satisfied the requests of feminist,the lunatic fringe of society. These women hold that women can hold up half of the sky. In their eyes,this policy could diminish the discrimination of female.[/size]
[size=14pt]Instead,this policy still brings disadvantages. First of all,it is crucial that different genders have different characteristics.It is exemplified that male are usually stronger than female,but don't have enough patient compared with them.Maybe according to their different traits to accept them is better.What's more,universities enroll students should take account for gender's interests other than numbers.Universities couldn't only pursuit the equal numbers while forcing students to choose the subject they don't love.[/size]
[size=14pt]Well,to sum up.Universities accept students just pay attention to the numbers of two gender in every subject can lead to significant distortion of perception. Education institutions should notice the different traits of both gender.[/size] ::21 没人搭理。。。 写的不错 哪位好心的大牛给修改下吧 感激不尽
I've modified your introductory paragrah, but..
Here is how I would write your introductory paragraph (please keep in mind that this is assuming that you want to preserve as much of the original content of your intro paragraph as you'd like, I would probably structure this essay a little differently but then it's probably not a "modification" anymore) :With the development of our society, one would believe that male and female students should have the same playing field in all walks of life. However, the situation is quite different in reality. For example, most of the universities have different number of male and female students. Forcing universities to have equal number of students in each gender has been the subject of fierce debate in recent times. For me, I believe that like many ideals, this particular one has its own share of pros and cons as well.
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Now, having said all that.. if you'd like to hear about my critiques of your writing, please let me know first. I am very straight forward and you might not like what you are going to hear. :)
Hope this helps. Cheers and happy holidays!
Austin. well。不是口语的么？
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