为什么没人看呢？大家帮帮忙啊！！！
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]Topic: Schools should teach their students about specific skills instead of general subjects.[size=14pt][/size]
[/size][size=14pt]Colleges and universities should, claim more and more public nowadays, provide their students specific skills that they will probably use in their future careers, not general subjects which seem to be not only boring but also useless. However, I strongly oppose this kind of thought and insist that schools should be a place where we students can learn a wide range of courses instead of limited ones.[/size][/font]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]First and foremost, being just a student, although we are considered to be independent in terms of where our future lies, we cannot make accurate decisions on what we will certainly do in the future. If we make the choice before attending colleges and only study the subjects related to it, we will not be able to change any longer as lacking the basic knowledge about other fields. What if we lose interest in our chosen career? For instance, one of my senior high classmates chose to major in mathematics as he really did it well in our class. But after one semester, he found it difficult to catch up with his lessons and get an ideal grade. As a result, he lost his interest in it, just wandering on campus and doing nothing. Since what seems to attract us may look completely different in college level, ** rush decisions will increase the risk of wasting precious time in youth, and even causing the misfortune of whole career life.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, I hold the opinion that getting a broad knowledge will benefit a lot when stepping into the society. Nowadays, companies are paying much more attention on our integrated abilities, not job skills. If you show a good communication skill, as well as your specific knowledge, you will surely have a greater chance to be hired than those who know nothing about social science. The manager of a successful company where many graduations dream to work once pointed out that they did not need specialists in their company while what is actually in a shortage is generalists who can apply all varieties of knowledge and skills they learnt to their positions and deal with interpersonal relationships well. All these can be acquired only by study widely.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Last but not least, learning different subjects can help us perform well in our major as well. As a student major in economics, I gradually discover that an excellent ability in math can deepen my understanding on microeconomics where I have to work out some complicated calculations, and a good amount of knowledge in English can do me a favor when referring to some foreign articles and textbooks. From learning a broad range of subjects, the specific skills are also sharpened.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]From all the points shown above, we can draw the conclusion that only by providing students with various courses and letting them choose freely can schools bring up graduations that are truly beneficial to the development of our society and can succeed in their future life.[/font][/size] [font="][size=12pt]Collegesand universities should, [color=red]claim more and morepublic[/color] nowadays, provide their students specific skills thatthey will probably use in their future careers, not general subjects which seemto be not only boring but also useless. However, I strongly oppose this kind ofthought and insist that schools should be a place where we students can learn awide range of courses instead of limited ones.[/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]claim more and more public[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]有误，但我不知道你想表达的意思是什么，所以也不知道怎么改[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Firstand foremost, [color=red]being just a student[/color][color=red],[/color] although we are considered to be independent interms of where our future lies, [color=red]we[/color] cannotmake accurate decisions on what we will certainly do in the future.
If we make the choice before attending collegesand only study the subjects related to it, we will not be able to change anylonger as lacking the basic knowledge about other fields. What if we loseinterest in our chosen career? For instance, one of my senior high classmateschose to major in mathematics as he really did it well in our class. But afterone semester, he found it difficult to [color=red]catch up with[/color] his lessons and get an ideal grade. As aresult, he lost his interest in it, just wandering on campus and doing nothing.Since what seems to attract us may look completely different [color=red]in[/color] college level, ** rush decisions will increase therisk of wasting precious time in youth, and even causing the misfortune ofwhole career life.[/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]being just a student [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]和[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt] we[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]搭配不当，句子刻意写长了，语法却注意不到了[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]catch up with [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]后面接人，可以说[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]other students in thesame department[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]。跟不上课程，很显然受中文影响了。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]At college level[/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Furthermore,I hold the opinion that getting a broad knowledge will [color=red]benefit[/color]a lot when [color=red]stepping[/color] into the society. Nowadays,companies are paying much more attention on our integrated abilities, not jobskills. If you show a good communication skill, as well as your specificknowledge, you will surely have a greater chance to be hired than those whoknow nothing about social science. The manager of a successful company wheremany [color=red]graduation[/color]s dream to work once pointed outthat they did not need specialists in their company [color=red]while[/color]what is actually in a shortage is generalists who can apply all varieties ofknowledge and skills they learnt to their positions and [color=red]deal[/color] with interpersonal relationships well. All these can beacquired only by study widely.[/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Benefit [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]用错了，主语是物的时候[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]benefit[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是及物的。自己去查查字典吧，加深一下印象。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]后面的[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]stepping[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]也错了，注意你省略的主语是什么。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Graduation[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]没有毕业生的意思。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]While[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]最好改成[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]and[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]，[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]while[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]读着别扭。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]如果我没理解错的话你的[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]deal[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前面省略了一个[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]，而这个[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是因为[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]and[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前面有个[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]而省略的，但是这两个[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]的意义是不一样的。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]And[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前面的[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]to[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]是介词，所以后面用[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt]dealing[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Lastbut not least, learning different subjects can help us perform well in ourmajor as well. As a student major[color=red]ing[/color] ineconomics, I gradually discover that an excellent ability in math can deepen myunderstanding on microeconomics where I have to work out some complicatedcalculations, and a good amount of knowledge in English can do me a favor [color=red]when referring[/color] to some foreign articles and textbooks.[color=red]From learning a broad range of subjects, the specificskills are also sharpened.[/color][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]When doing [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]结构的被省略的主语和主句的主语应该是一样的[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=12pt]分词短语的逻辑主语应该是主句的主语。[/size][/font][font="][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font="][size=12pt]Fromall the points shown above, we can draw the conclusion that only by providingstudents with various courses and letting them choose freely can schools bringup graduations that are truly beneficial to the development of our society andcan succeed in their future life.[/size][/font] 估计是大家都看不懂，所以没有人说话。嘿嘿 claim more and morepublic
个人以为，可以改为：claimed more and more by public 我觉得和以下问题来比, 语法错误绝对不算什么.
1. 你对题目理解完全错误 , 至少在第二段极其明显. 题目的意思很简单, 就是问你在知识的传授上, specification 和 generalisation哪个好? 你说后者好, 因为人们经常做出错误的决定. 这完全跑题, 很经典的逻辑错误. 自己仔细想一下, 人类本身没有做出正确选择的能力和你的题目有关系吗? 而且如果考官很变态, 他可能会想, 之所以人们经常做出不明智的决定, 那我们一定要交给他们 decision ** skill. 这个显然是specific skill, 你等于自相矛盾. 更重要的是, 仔细看看题目, skills 和 subjects 都用了复述, 所以, 科目的数量不是重点, 它们的性质才是重点.
2. 文章没有flow, 议论文的关键不是措辞, 不是语法, 而是你要想办法让读者跟着你的思路走. 如果人家每读一句, 就不由自主的想反驳你, 那你的文章就是失败. 中国人写文章很容易这样, 太多注意里放在一个一个单词上了. 但是文章就是文章, 不是单词. 大海气势磅礴, 可是如果我精挑细选, 把最美的水珠一个一个放在你面前, 你还能感受到那种气势码? 从另一方面来说, 中国人一直努力学习单词, 可是咱们对单词的理解难道真得是正确的码? 我不觉得 .
3. 论据基本没有. 另外, 议论文没有一边倒的. 你不能说generalisation那里都比specification好. 一棒子打死不好. 他们各有优缺, 度其利弊, 你觉得哪个好.
4. 一个最严重的问题, 你是不是上新东方或者环球了? 光看你每段惨不忍睹的开头, 就像是那种地方教出来的. 更别说近乎疯狂的使用where 和 when了. 别去那里浪费钱了, 你的思维已经完全被僵化了. 靠那些老师教你几个句子真得就能写出好作文了? 没戏!!! 而且我觉得那些句子也没什么好得. 另外, 说句实话, 那些个英语补习学校的老师完全被神话了. 靠着讲讲国外见闻, 来让大家觉得他们神通广大. 你自己想想, 一个出国深造的人, 不能留在国外也就算了, 回国以后连个和自己专业对口的工作都找不到, 败类阿. 我之前也听说他们是为了高工资. 但是新东方老师一年的不到10万的工资算高? 我有个同学在北京的一家投行, 第一年工资就是他们的两倍多. 说这么多, 除了借此机会对那些误人子弟的败类表示鄙视外, 主要是像让你相信自己.
PS: 语法还有用词错误很多, 一句最少一个. 没得改, 最好重写.
页:
[1]