Blue Eagle NO.17 第二次活动大帖
Team Members:

1)小甜饼
2) wanderings
3) ly-xiao653
4)这孩子有妄想症
5)lwenyong
6)orangebug
7)风萱草暖
8)小P孩呀
9)leroy_116
10)chrisyza





Content: 以Independent writing为主, 每次活动写一篇,修改其他组员的作文一篇.

Schedule:
  
每周活动两次  
出题时间: 周一和周五18:00

交作文Deadline: 周五和周日23:00

修改队友作文的时间: 和下次作文的DEADLINE一致.


Rules:

1.每位组员必须在Deadline之前交上自己的作业, 并且修改好其他组员的作文（前一次的作文）。
2.如果有特殊情况不能完成作业的, 须提前请假,以便于临时调整.
3.如果有3次或3次以上迟交或不交作业,且没有请假者, 自动从本组删除, 补进新成员.
4.交作业:请先在word 里把基本错误解决,然后直接发到每次活动的大帖上,不需要自己发新帖.
5.改作业:请用不同颜色的字修改, 红色改错误, 蓝色提建议,绿色为写得好的句子.
6.Time yourself----最好在作业中注明完成作文所用的时间。
7.请每位修改者在标题栏中注明: XXX改xxx.
8.修改者在批改完后,在文章最后写上给作者的Comments and Suggestions.


另外,本组的“这孩子有妄想症”同学5月16号考试，请大家多关注下他的作文，给他点建议。
以上仅是初步规定，若有好的建议，欢迎大家提出来共享。



第二次作业:
Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risk or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific resons and examples to support your answer.

Deadline: 周五晚 23:00


互改名单:

被改者 小甜饼     wanderings   这孩子有    ly-xiao653    lwenyong   orangebug   风萱草暖  小P孩呀   leroy_116   chrisyza
                                              妄想症

修改者 这孩子有   ly-xiao653    lwenyong   orangebug    风萱草暖    小P孩呀    leroy_116   chrisyza    小甜饼      wanderings
            妄想症






[ 本帖最后由 小甜饼 于 2008-5-16 13:48 编辑 ]

占位子交作业，
快考试了

准备考试中，作业要晚点教

[ 本帖最后由 这孩子有妄想症 于 2008-5-15 10:34 编辑 ]

占位子~拉拉拉

这次有点别的事，时间有点紧，写的不好， ，求拍~


Nowadays, many people are regarded as successful. Most of them are famed, rich and in the high position. However, how can they reach that? How can they succeed? Everybody has his own way to success; it can be taking risks or making a careful plan. As far as I am considered, risks and chances are the key point on the way to success, while careful planning is the indispensable part.

Taking risks and chances is the essential point to success because it can create the opportunities. People are successful because they know to observe the surroundings and to snatch every possible opportunity. For instance, the richest man in the world-- Bill Gates who gave up his bachelor degree in the world’s No.1 University, took risk operating the Microsoft Company. However, the result turns out that Microsoft dominates the PC market and becomes the biggest software company in the world.

Besides, success also needs strict planning. Making a detailed planning is the first step to success, which helps you to set up a destination and tells you how to get close to the goal. As a famous saying goes” a great plan, a half of success”, to make a strict plan plays key component in the way to success. In business, to make a good strategy would help business owners get a right way to achieve their goals. Make strict plan not only helpful in business, but also helpful in student’s study. It is very important to set a daily or monthly plan or target in study, it may help students arrange their study better.

From what has been discussed above, we may reasonably arrive at the conclusion that success not only comes from taking risk or chances, but also needs to make a strict plan. Let’s holding the chance, making plan, we may touch the success finally.

[ 本帖最后由 小甜饼 于 2008-5-17 09:52 编辑 ]

  在限时软件的监督下，30分钟写完
然后COPY进WORDS 修改了下
总用时大概40分钟吧~
字数还是上不去，字数327……
写得不好，请狠狠改！
There are many successful people in theworld, each of them have their own unique experiences. We always want todiscover the secret of their success or learn a lesson from them. Some of themare lucky, but most of them are the people who plan and prepare well. In myopinions, the success in life comes from careful planning rather than takingrisk or chance.

A pianist would not be able to hold aconcert without practising thousands of times at home. An athletic would not bepossible to become the Olympic Champion without years of training. A scientistwould have no hope to come up with a new remarkable scientific theory withoutspending days and nights in laboratory doing experiments. As the old sayinggoes, 'No pain, No gain' what you receive is what you deserve. The famousequation from Edison "Genius is 1% Inspiration 99% andPerspiration" clearly explains this open secret ofsuccess.

There are many chances existing in one'life, however, one will not be able to notice or hold to it without carefulplanning and good preparation. Although, some people are luckier that they getmore opportunities than others, we fail to see that their success does not onlycome from their fortune, but the combination of good luck and hardworking. Whenwe are jealous with other's achievement, we forget to look back to see thebitterness they tasted; when we envies other's success, we forget to measurehow much more tears and sweat they paid; when we complains about the unfairnessof life, we forget to trail ourselves, how much we have tried. Chances are forthose who prepare well. People who never borrow from tomorrow and look forwardto write foreword for their future are the ones who god will leave the giftsfor.

In conclusion, achievement in life is theoutcome of careful planning. Only a person who is well-prepared for chances may succeed in his life.

[ 本帖最后由 orangebug 于 2008-5-14 14:45 编辑 ]

占位子罗~~~

占个位置看看热闹咯。。。有时间我就参加了

引用:

原帖由 小P孩呀 于 2008-5-13 11:08 发表
占位子罗~~~

有这么高兴吗? ~ 好好写!

交作业喽....:)
On account of the progress of society, the definition of success is entirely different from before and increasing people are considered as successful men or women. Nearly every time a eminent people interviewed by mass media would be asked a question that what is the determinatal(decisive) factor in the course of success. Some make chances or risks be the most important, the others claim careful planning is the foundation. From my perspective, I basically maintain that plan exerts a relatively more essential influence on success for following reasons.

Admittedly, risks and chances, to some extent, may play a beneficial effect on success, and the examples are readily discernable. Some pop stars usually become famous immediately once they have the opportunities to encounter those distinctive directors or brokers. Additionally, those who get immense amount of money in stock are often adventurers, risking everything on a single throw. However, people will be in a state of chaos if can not gain the support of god. Only chances without planning can not make us succeed.

Planning lays a solid foundation for triumph. As the old saying goes, a great plan can serve as a half success. This can be best exemplified by the following cases. For me, in the course of my preparation of College Entrance Examination, a careful plan, included when studied or relaxed and what was the stage to review, was really helpful for the high score in the exam. For a company, the establishment of every course such as a new product or a management method should be based on a comprehensive plan, which is conducive to the performing of those policies. Last but not least, plan serves as a cornerstone for the normal development of a country. In China, there are developing plans established every five years which exert undeniable effects on the rapid and all-round progress in the nation.

Furthermore, without plan, even though there is a chance or you want to take a risk, you may lose it regretful. For one thing, When the opportunity knock your door, if you don't have a plan about how to grasp this chance, or after gaining the chance how to use it and once failed how to face it and so forth, those chances will not come to you forever. For another, with the help of plan, you can get more confidence in the course of risks. Even if encountered a change, you may not feel embarrassed or depressed. The only thing you will do is carrying out the step according to the plan which includes every probable risk you may face.

To put all into a nutshell, I maintain that in attempt to success, we need to grasp every single chance, but what is more important is making a careful plan which enables us feel confident and unconfused.

40分钟写完...应该是个好写的题目 但是写的时候总觉得没思路...展不开 写的东西有点生硬...>_<

我也要加入~还能加入么？

要在那里报名呢？一直不得其解

引用:

原帖由 noblegas 于 2008-5-14 14:09 发表
我也要加入~还能加入么？

要在那里报名呢？一直不得其解

我们17组已经满~ 不好意思哈~
你要是有兴趣,可以召集人马筹建18小组~

We always admire the socialites who have expensive sports cars and grandiose villas; we usually venerate the eminent scientists who possess good fame and respectable qualities, but how we can become the big men like them is a wide dispute which has always haunted us. Some people believe success in life comes from taking risk or chances, others believe from careful planning. From my respective, success is a consequence of a good marriage of careful planning and hard working.

On one hand, we should make a considerable plan with which we can achieve our ambitions without terrific fluctuations. People used to and need to make decisions, even without awareness of what they have done. Image go to see a opera in the theatre, for instance, which seems a very simple thing, for the people live in the country it is required a considerable operation which involved with thinking of all aspects, such as when the play draws to its close, can you catch the last train home, how much time you would cost on the transportation, how much money you should put in your purse. If you forget nothing, you just make a good plan which will lead you to success. We always make plenty of plans but without a perfect one. As we all know, we are custom for making formidable lists for what we should don and what we should not do at the beginning of a new year, which recur year in year out with monotonous regularity. Image these resolutions and meditate which one you have ever finished. Maybe, nothing. The reason is that these ambitions are beyond your endurance, so you have no capacity to reach your goals. What is a careful plan? I think it contains of four aspects: what do you need to do, what can you do, what is your aim, and how to distribute your time. Think of all of these, you can make a good plan. Although you can make it, you still fail to get your goal sometimes, that is because only this is not enough for you to success.

On the other hand, we should have a steady determination. If you are just joy at looking at your plan hanging on the wall and doing nothing, you would never be successful. Just as the old saying goes” no pains, no gains.” Every successful person must have been working for his goals with many years. The main reason why you are not famous is you have done less than them. Take me for an example. My new year’s decision is limited to two goals: doing exercise every morning and reading a lot before sleep, which sounds easy to achieve. But I have quitted in less than two weeks, because I found doing exercise is too tiring to persist everyday and reading poems is so boring that the flower language just gave me a headache. In addition, some people want to find a shortcut to success, they stress that success is result from chances, they support their implausible idea with an instance that the discovery of penicillin is just an occasion. I have to say if the chemist did not do the relevant experiment, if he just threw the reagent out of the window when he found it has been polluted, how can he invent this drug. Chances just are ready for a prepared person. If you want to be succeed, you have to pay more than others.

From all these arguments above, we can safely make a conclusion that success is result from making a careful plan and sticking to it. To success, first make a good plan, then, insist on it regardless of whatever other people say. I am sure you will be successful finally.   
用时45min, 写的有些长，也是第一次能写这么长，可能废话多了一些，欢迎批评与建议

There is a public discussion nowadays on the questions of what scuccess comes from. Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risk. Others believe careful planning contribute to suceess. In my opinion, although success can be assiciated with taking risk or chance
sometimes, most success is the result of careful planning.

A detailed plan is a powerful management tool . It help define the goal clearly, which let us know where we really want to go, and a clear goal always motivate us spare no effort to move towards it. A deailed plan also help us dispose our time and our resource efficently and properly. For example, when preparing iBT exam, I determine listenning and speaking as my weakness,so I paln most my available time to crack these 2 items. and now this decision-making is proved to be right.
And a detailed plain also can urge us act to follow it tightly. Taking my plan for ibt for instance again, the daily plan specify what I should do everyday ,which actually eliminate the possible of being lazy.

Adimtly, taking chance or risk sometimes can also lead one to be successful sometimes. But not eveyone is so lucky. What’s more, overemphasizing the role of chance or risk will inevitablely lead people ,espeically the young, turn to the said luck ,instead of careful plan and hard work.

写了1个小时，才220字，
不知所云，不知如何展开，中文都不知道怎么写。。。得看看戴教主的讲座了

What is the essence of success? What is the qualification of it on earth? How can we achieve the destination of our life? Various puzzles about being success—what most people desire—perplex every individual who wants to procure the sense of accomplishments. Some people argue that success lies in ventures and chances, while others hold the different perspective that all-round and cautious planning gives rise to attainments. Speaking for myself, success, a component of living value, can’t and shouldn’t be define or explain in just several simple words. Similarily, it is fairly understandable that means leads us to it will not be easy to seek out or take.
In some way, risk and chance seem to benefit, even to be necessary to us. Abundant examples of distinguished persons and significant inventions or art works indicate that courage and braveness showed during the process of innovations,or simply the process of approaching success, is quite of impotance. Chance , also crutial, just like the key to the door of success, without which one can merely be successful despite his or her potential.
However, no one can deny that careful planning plays a critical role as well. Only having a blueprint are we capable of making it step by step. Not being guided properly, perhaps we will tend to be blind when pursuing our goals. Most of those celebrities who are famed for grand exploits made the detailed plan of their own in the childhood. It is vastly accepted that the obvious disparity between average men and them is exactly whether to plan or not.
Besides, there existing plenty of other factors influence or determine this issue, such as patience, hardworking, strength of will. It is success that appears as the comprehensive outcome of them all.
Success, undoubtedly not easy to give definition to, also is not easy to obtain, let alone to find the shotcut. What we have to do, in order to get our achievements, proves to be taking all those factors and conditions into account.

不好意思，晚了晚了，见谅呀

There is a public debate today that how to get to success. Most of people want to be as a successful man or woman. Actually, how many people can achieve their goals?
According to the complete figures, it is only about 5 percent of people who believe that success in life comes from taking risk or chances could be success in their careers. Conversely, more that 70 percent of people who believe that success results from careful planning could be success in their careers. From my respective, the exact figures can show the fact, success results from careful planning.

The careful planning is the foundation to help people to achieve their success. Someone may have heard the two-eight principle. It means if you want to success to do something, you need to use 80 percent energy to prepare your planning, and 20 percent energy to do the things. We have known some scientists who have gained success in their careers, but we do not know their pains. Most of scientists’ reputation rest on their ability to prepare careful planning.

Another sufficient reason is that careful planning will help people to forecast risk and avoid it. It is common that you do something in trouble, but careful planning will help you resolve it. I can cite a simple example of one of my friends Julia, he want to be a famous manager in profession. From a new comer to a successful manager, he have spent six years and changed three companies, when he in trouble he always resolve them because of his careful planning.

However, we can not deny some strong points of success in life come from taking risk or chances. Sometimes decision is gambling, we can not forecast its future, but we must take it with risk or chances. It means nothing when the probability of success take into consider.

Taking into account all these factors, we could come to undoubted conclusion that careful planning has more chances to help people to gain success. But we can not deny the benefit of taking risk of chances. As far as I am concerned, you could not take risk or chances to gain success until you face risk which not in your careful planning.

引用:

原帖由 ly-xiao653 于 2008-5-14 20:53 发表
We always admire the socialites who have expensive sports cars and grandiose villas; we usually venerate the eminent scientists who possess good fame and respectable qualities, but how we can become t ...

改得不好
请不要介意！

We always admire the socialites(celebrities 是不是更好些？) who have expensive sports cars and grandiose villas; We usually venerate the eminent scientists who possess good fame and respectable qualities, but how we can become the big men like them is a wide dispute which has always haunted us.(has always been a wide dispute which haunted us..这样是不是更通顺一些？个人意见嘿嘿) Some people believe success in life comes from taking risk or chances, others believe （it is）from careful planning. From my respective, success is a consequence of a good marriage of careful planning and hard working.

On one hand, we should make a considerable plan with which we can achieve our ambitions without terrific fluctuations. People used to and need to make decisions, even without awareness of what they have done（不大理解是啥意思）. Image（Imagine） go to see a opera in the theatre, for instance, which seems like a very simple thing, for the people who live in the country(side),it is required a considerable operation which involved with thinking of all aspects, such as when the play draws to its close, can you catch the last train home, how much time you would cost on the transportation(how much time would transportation take/how much time would you spend in transportation/ how much time would transportation cost you ), how much money you should put in your purse(how much money you should take with you 简单一点就好).
If you forget nothing, you just make a good plan which will lead you to success.（不大地道，恩~If there is nothing left unconsidered, you have make a good plan that will lead you to success） We always make plenty of plans but without(never) a perfect one. As we all know, we are custom for making formidable lists for what we should do and what we should not do at the beginning of a new year, which recur year in year out with monotonous regularity.（It is a common habit for people to make formidable lists for what we should do and should not do at the beginning of a new year. It recurs year in year out with monotonous regularity） Image (imagine) these resolutions and meditate which one you have ever finished. Maybe, nothing. (是想表达，“想象一下这其中的哪一件你完成了吗？可能一件也没有”的意思吗？However, ask yourself how many things listed you had actually done? The answer probably will be nothing. 个人意见，似乎也不大地道) The reason is that these ambitions are beyond your endurance, so you have no capacity to reach your goals(There is no capacity left for you to reach the goals). What is a careful plan? I think it contains of four aspects(it is made up by four aspects): what do you need to do, what can you do, what is your aim, and how to distribute your time. Think of all of these, you can make a good plan. Although you can make it, you still fail to get your goal sometimes, that is because only this (itself) is not enough for you to success(succeed). Success also asks for determination.

On the other hand, we should have a steady determination. If you are just joy at (satisfied with) looking at your plan hanging on the wall and doing nothing, you would never be successful. Just as the(an) old saying goes” no pains, no gains.” Every successful person must have been working for his goals with many(for) years. The main reason why you are not famous is you have done less than them. Take me for an example. My new year’s decision is limited to two goals: doing exercise every morning and reading a lot before sleep, which sounds easy to achieve. But I have quitted in less than two weeks(I have just kept doing for only two weeks), because I found doing exercise is too tiring to persist everyday and reading poems is so boring that the flower(florid) language just gave(made) me a headache. In addition, some people want to find a shortcut to success, they stress that success is result(resulting) from chances, they support their implausible idea with an instance that the discovery of penicillin is just an occasion. I have to say if the chemist did not do the relevant experiment, if he just threw the reagent out of the window when he found it has been polluted, how can he(he can) invent this drug. Chances just are only ready for a prepared person. If you want to be succeed(successful), you have to pay more than others.

From all these arguments above, we can safely make a conclusion that success is result from making a careful plan and sticking to it. To success(succeed), first make a good plan, then, insist on it regardless of whatever other people say. I am sure you will be successful finally.   

词汇很丰富，值得学习，我的词汇量啊！55~
观点也明确，不过很多基础的词组用法要注意哟！有一点CHINESE ENGLISH，有的句子不大地道，写完后自己读过一遍吗？
字数超多，真能写啊，有一些观点重复。
看齐看齐！一起加油吧！

ly-xiao653改wanderings

What is the essence of success? What is the qualification of it on earth? How can we achieve the destination of our life? Various puzzles about being success(successful)—what most people desire—perplex every individual who wants to procure the sense of accomplishments(accomplishment). Some people argue that success lies in(on) ventures and chances, while others hold the different perspective that all-round and cautious planning gives rise to attainments. Speaking for myself, success, a component of living value, can’t and shouldn’t be define(defined) or explain(expained) in(by) just several simple words. Similarily, it is fairly understandable that means(that) leads us to it(我感觉it指代不明） will not be easy to seek out or take.
In some way, risk and chance seem to benefit, even to be necessary to us. Abundant examples of distinguished persons（people） and significant inventions or art works indicate that courage and braveness showed during the process of innovations,or simply the process of approaching success, is quite of impotance. Chance , also crutial, just like the key to the door of success, without which one can merely be successful despite his or her potential.
However, no one can deny that careful planning plays a critical role as well. Only having a blueprint are we capable of making it step by step.(Otherwise,) Not being guided properly, perhaps we will tend to be blind when pursuing our goals. Most of those celebrities who are famed for grand exploits(achievements) made the detailed plan of their own in the childhood. It is vastly accepted that the obvious disparity between average men and them is exactly whether to plan or not.
Besides, there existing plenty of other factors influence or determine this issue, such as patience, hardworking, strength of will. It is success that appears as the comprehensive outcome of them all.
Success, undoubtedly not easy to give definition to, also is not easy to obtain, let alone to find the shotcut. What we have to do, in order to get our achievements, proves to be taking all those factors and conditions into account.
文章中的句型使用的很好，倒装，强调都有，插入语读的让我头晕
词汇使用多样化，基本不重复,语句间的连续性很强
本人水平有限，也没什么建设性建议
不过文章主体部分字数偏少，感觉虎头蛇尾，没有说服力
另外，感觉or，and的使用次数太多了，有点重复

我练了这篇作文，希望大家能指点一下~

恩 因为看了李笑来的关系，文章的思路就变得和那个差不多……


Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from?

In today’s society, people nearly accustomed to see a piece of news like “A 70 elder win the huge $ 500000 lottery”, in magazines and newspapers. Are things going as the media says? I am afraid not. Actually, most people throw their money in lottery, but get back nothing. In a nutshell, people can win the fortune while taking risks, they can also lose everything. However, careful planning helps to reduce the possibility of losses. Therefore, we need careful planning on the way to success as well as taking risks.

Planning things carefully is a precondition of being successful in people’s lives, since it keeps goals definitely, prevents from making mistakes and enhances the work efficiencies. Take a common case as an example, to be an undergraduate, consortium activities and the heavy study work always push me into a mass. How can I participate a regular meeting in the morning, submit the essay about history class at the afternoon and prepare for the mid-term test three days later? Under this situation, I will rely on a schedule, which helps realize the sequence of my tasks and scheme the time accordingly. Therefore, I solved the conflict between consortium activities and the heavy study work successfully via planning carefully.

At the same time, taking risks or chances is also necessary for the success, because it might bring people some unexpected opportunities. People who take too much factors into their consideration usually have a difficulty in making a decision. They look for more and more information ensuring their plans perfect, but it just cost too much time. However, in modern world where full of competition, people often required to make decisions quickly. For instance, when the CEO of a corporation is doing a deal with material provider, the rival who probably wants to beat down this corporation may impede this deal through giving higher price to the material provider. In order to keep going ahead of its rival, the CEO has to make a decision as soon as possible, depending on this circumstance, taking a risk seems to be necessary to protect the corporation’s benefit.

In a word, success in life does not come from either taking risks or careful plannings; it results from both of them.

There is a public debate today(放到开头） that how to get to（去掉） success. Most of people want to be as （去掉）a successful man or woman（建议复数）. Actually, how many people can （can people)achieve their goals?
According to the complete figures, (there)it is only about 5 percent(s) of people who believe that success in life comes from taking risk or chances could be success in their careers(词句建议重写，语法错误．关键突出哪一点）. Conversely, more that 70 percent（s) of people who believe that success (which)results from careful planning could be success in their careers. From my respective, the exact figures can show(shows) the fact, success results from careful planning.

The careful planning is the foundation to help people to achieve their success. Someone may have heard the two-eight principle. It means if you want to success(succeed in doing) to do something, you need to use 80 percent(s) energy to prepare your planning, and 20 percent energy to do the things(make it come ture). We have known(know) some scientists who have gained success in their careers, but we do not know their pains. Most of scientists’ reputation(s) rest on their ability to prepare(of preparing) careful planning.

Another sufficient reason is that careful planning will help people to forecast risk and avoid it. It is common that you do something in trouble(have trouble in doing sth), but careful planning will help you resolve it. I can cite a simple example of one of my friends-- Julia, he wants to be a famous manager in profession(不知道对不对）. From a new comer to a successful manager, he have spent six years and changed three companies, . When he　（was) in trouble, he could always resolve them because of his careful planning.

However, we can not deny some strong points of success in life comes from taking risk or chances. Sometimes decision is gambling, we can not forecast its future, but (这里不是转折）we must take it with risk or chances. It means nothing when the probability of success take into consider.（这句感觉跟你次段中心不符）

Taking into account all these factors, we could come to undoubted conclusion that careful planning has more chances to help people to gain success. But we can not deny the benefit of taking risk of chances. As far as I am concerned, you （建议人称前后一致）could(we'd better) not take risk or chances to gain success until you (去掉）face risk which (is)not in your（our) careful planning.

整体思路很好．
第一段的主旨句提出得有点不恰当，＂从你的观点，但又说数据＂．
我觉得你的结尾的论点很好，开头可以参照结尾．
一起加油！　
有改的不好的，还请见谅