Team 16 第13次活动
Team Members (No. + ID):
1.ly-xiao653（New member. Welcome!）
2.bardin
3.BlueScorpion
4.chenximax
5.凤兮舞兮
6.nk_tomoyo
7.tuolingphecda（New member. Welcome!）
8.sytminnie
9.threetigers107
10.tostudyinusa

Goals: to improve our independent writing skills and receive high scores in iBT writing section.


活动内容
每次活动写一篇independent writing的作文, 改一篇其他组员的作文
题库来自TWE185
每周两次活动

出题时间:每周五晚上和每周一晚上
交作业deadline: 每周一晚上2300(交上周五出的题)和每周五晚上2300(交本周一出的题)

规则
1.请各位组员一定要在deadline之前交自己写作文和批改的作文,以执行制定好的互改方案.
2.改作文时务必按照方案进行,不能随意改一个组员的作文或者不改. 这是基本的任务,希望大家严格执行.
另外有空可以看看不是自己改的组员的作文,借鉴经验,可以不改而只提出疑问和建议. 如果愿意多改,我们大力欢迎.
3.若因故不能参加某次活动请尽早请假,这样利于临时安排. 最好不要请假.

多次未能参加活动(会有参与记录的)的成员只能请你离开,寻找适于自己的写作练习小组.

4.发布
(1)请小组成员将拼写和基本语法错误自己在WORD上纠正之后发作文.
(2)作文直接发在帖子里.
(3)第n次活动的作文和批改都发在 “第n次活动专用贴”中.
(4)字体大小什么的就不要求了，字稍微大点容易看就好

5. 修改
(1)红色表示错误，蓝色表示建议，绿色表示值得学习的词句.评论或注释请加上括号()
(2)请尽可能按照iBT的评分标准修改. 措辞造句和布局谋篇都要考虑
(3)批改的楼层请在标题一栏写上on somebody, 如批改的是我的作文就写on tostudyinusa

6.鼓励(非必须)在作文后面附上一个小summary,说一下你的思路,列出points. 这样便于修改者理解你的文章,更好地来修改,并判断你是否达到了你的预期思路
7.以上方案是经大家讨论后一致同意的,如果有任何异议欢迎直接跟组长提出,再由组员商讨

第13次活动
题目
Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer. (185题库里的第149题）

交作业Deadline:  June 16th, 2008    Monday 2300

互改安排

批改者	被批改者
ly-xiao653	凤兮舞兮
bardin	nk_tomoyo
BlueScorpion	tuolingphecda
chenximax	sytminnie
凤兮舞兮	threetigers107
nk_tomoyo	tostudyinusa
tuolingphecda	ly-xiao653
sytminnie	bardin
threetigers107	BlueScorpion
tostudyinusa	chenximax

P.S.
1.这次的题目属于“假设问题”这一类。感觉是比较难写的题目

2.由于大家最近还是比较忙，这次活动仍然持续一整个星期.
我相信一周内应该还是能够挤出1.5小时左右来写作和修改的。实在没有时间的组员还是要尽早请假。

3.现在已经有三位元老组员退出了Team 16

最近退出的是ambertree和oliverlok
ambertree已经在澳洲开始了学习和生活，(那里现在是冬天？呵呵)
oliverlok现在将转战GRE。
感谢你们的积极参与和贡献。祝你们好运

4.由于有了空出，现在Team 16招新组员
对新人的要求是
(1)计划在未来考TOEFL，希望进行写作练习。
(2)能按时参与活动，愿意提交自己的作文和修改别的组员的作文

请回复这个帖子来报名

[ 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-6-11 11:26 编辑 ]

加油！good luck!

我想加入

额，由于我已经开了组队贴，所以不能申请加16队了额.....

[ 本帖最后由 asmodeusjj 于 2008-6-10 09:24 编辑 ]

感谢版主支持！

呵呵，Team 18加油！

已经发送短消息，请尽快回复

呵呵一起努力～～～

新组员ly-xiao653已经加入，替换原来ambertree的位置
欢迎你！！

还将招一位新组员

[ 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-6-10 15:14 编辑 ]

正式加入队伍
请多指教

我想申请加入.....8月24日IBT 现在185里作文写了80多篇了 但是还没拿给他人批改过,想参加这个队伍,提高自身水平,我能坚持写和批改作文

呵呵，80多篇啊！
已经发送短消息了, plz check it out

新招进的两位新组员都已经加入了，welcome!
请你们熟悉各个事项
目前的活动任务是第12次的修改和第13次的写作，deadline是下周一晚上2300

Hi大家好

I have always yearned for a piece of land of my own. If I could ever realize this dream, I would most probably use it as an observation platform for astronomy, or a field for playing soccer.



In the first place, If I acquired a land in the countryside and it has large area, I would carry out my astronomical observation on it. As an amateur astronomy lover, I have been longing for an area without tall buildings and artificial lights. However, as a citizen who dwells in the urban areas, this requirement seems to be impossible to reach. Therefore, provided that I received this ideal land, I would not plant trees or construct skyscrapers. On the contrary, I would leave it as it appears and try to keep other light resources around this district from polluting my land. With everything settled, I would spiritedly perform a series of experiments pertaining to astronomical observation. Moreover, the everyday routine of making visual records of the planets, stars, nebulae and galaxies would be practiced at night on the land. Even at times when I am feeling tired and pause my observation process, I might as well lie down on the ground and simply contemplate at the dark blue sky and count the myriad stars.



Another possible plan emerged in my mind is that I would like to turn this land into a soccer field. Just by flattening the ground and adding a large amount of sand, a simple soccer field is almost ready. Then I would certainly draw onto the ground some lines which are necessary for soccer games. What's more, two goals with nets would be the best equipment if they do not go beyond my budget. The laying of the turf would be my ultimate luxury. The next step would be sending invitation to my friends who are also crazy about soccer to play on my own soccer field until we are exhausted. Furthermore, I suppose it must be a wonderful experience to invite two teams to play friendly on the land which I alter into a soccer field myself, because I would be playing as a home team members against the away team.


一开始选择出这道题就是因觉得离现实太遥远，极其需要想象力
自己写的时候很费了些脑细胞，后来决定干脆写自己的兴趣。疯狂发挥一下想象，哈哈
写的时候超开心，自己笑出来了。要是真能当地主就好了


回到正题，这篇文章结构很简单，就是开头+两个观点（天文观测场地或者足球场）
但是词汇替换还是遇到不少麻烦，比如land, ground, area轮着写，还有soccer field出现了很多次。不过是专有名词，后来查出只有一个pitch可以代替

The laying of the turf would be my ultimate luxury.
这句厉害呀`
看来老大的确是个如假包换，不折不扣的足球迷哦`
刚看完 克罗地亚VS德国的比赛`。`克罗地亚终于赢了`。`亲爱的小摩呀
呵呵``加油 BE16``

Land, a piece of free soil, is the hope of every people since two thousand years ago, because land is closely related to people’s living standards, especially in agriculture epoch. However, even nowadays, owning some land also means dream paradise, because inside you can create freely your own kingdom. If fortunately I can receive some land, I perceive it’s a good chance to build a modern high school.
   
      On the one hand, I want to introduce new style of education to high school students. Undoubtedly, there are many controversies about present Chinese educational system. From the standpoint of some parents and teachers, high school is just unavoidable access to university. Due to my real experience, high schools all focus on how to get high goals in all kinds of examinations and neglect the responsibility of fostering crossing talents. Thereby, my new high school in this hopeful land will convert the attitudes, studying for examinations, of students and parents, and advocate free ideas and thinking, just like the meaning of this land, freedom and hope. Hence, I think more students can contact on various information and hand skill in this school, which is more suitable for the demands of modern society.
      
      On the other hand, the modern school in this land not only provides better education for students but also brings culture atmosphere to the neighborhood. In my community, many people entertain themselves by gathering to play cards day and night, which takes a negative impact on the whole community, such as idleness, unemployment, depression, even crime. A new built school, will unconsciously guild them to care more about culture and knowledge. Especially once they send their children to my school, they will be influenced by the children who take part in diverse meaningful activities and hold rich information. Thus they will spend less time on cards in case of leaving a bad impression on children. Therefore the neighborhood will become more harmonious.
     
       School is the symbol of the culture levels in the local city, as well the crucial key to the future life of young students. From this prospective, a new school is the most appropriate mean to use the cherished land.


        说实话这篇文章真难写....费了我38分钟完成...超时了...郁闷
        结构:开头+2论点+结尾
        开头:用来建新型学校
        论点1: 该学校引进新的教育体制,注重学生全方面培养,目的是提高学生素质
        论点2: 改善社区风气,提高文化水平
        结尾:点题
        写的真的很烂....都不好意思发出来

[ 本帖最后由 tuolingphecda 于 2008-6-13 12:56 编辑 ]

Exploring national resources, such as oil, rate materials, from our planet continually, dumping industrial waste into nature with a huge mount that the soil can not dissolve by itself, we have owned too much to the beautiful earth, I think we should do something wholesome to it. If I have received some land, I would plant trees there to establish a national forest, responding to the ozone hole and to the increasing problem of deforestation.

On one hand, setting up a nation forest can be benefit for the environment. The trees can absorb the plethora toxic gas in the air, which has a bad impact on human body, even can induce cancers. Moreover, because of the development of the over-industrialized and over-populated cities, there is less and less place for wild animals to inhabit, resulting in the extinction of some precious species. Nation forest can provide a very suitable habitat for all the homeless animals, and, perhaps, it is not necessary that we confine animals in a cage in the zoo for the reason-protecting them by building “steel house” for them.

On the other hand, nation forest can bring us economic benefit by supplying plenty of timber, charging a certain fare from the visitors who entertain in the forest. For example, every year millions, if not billions of people traveled to Japan, most, if not all of them allured by the snow-covered peak and brilliant cherry blossom would choose to visit the Mount Fuji, which increase the financial income of the locate government. Furthermore, nation forest is a good place to hike or camp, where people can enjoy the pure natural landscape, leaving behind the stress and pressure from your coworkers and your boss, meditating in the serene circumstance and feeling the power of the universe. Hiking can be good for your body physically, thinking about your self can helpful for your mind mentally, and talking with your friends can strength the relationship with others, all of these, you can get from the simple trip in a nation forest.

From all the merits of building a nation forest, on environmentally and on economically, I would say if I have a land, I would use it as a nation forest, preserving trees, entertaining for people as well as making money.

第一段，提出为什么成立国家森林
第二段，成立国家森林在环境方面的好处
第三段，成立国家森林在人文，经济方面的好处，
第四段，总结全文
每次写作文都超时严重，感觉很不爽

9:17~9:47 --55,
Time to let my imagination roar: what am I suppose to deal with a land which I can use as I wish? Considering the size of it as well as its location, I would design different blueprints for it in order to make the best use of it.

If it was just a little plot of land in my backyard, I would turn it into my little garden, half of which grows vegetables and the other flowers. Vegetables like cucumber, cabbage and potato are all my family members’ favor. With a vegetable garden in my backyard, those vegetables would always be available in the right season freshly. Since they are vegetables planted by myself, there is no need to worry about the possibility of poisoning due to poisonous pesticide. Meanwhile culturing and tendering flowers is a good activity for one to relax from strained modern life. With roses and other flowers blooming and their fragrance flowing in my backyard is really enjoyable and pleasant.

If room allowed, I would like to build a library in miniature in my community. Since my community is far away from the town center, it boasts not even a bookstore. Therefore, many children have nothing to do after finishing their homework. If there is a small library, even a little bookstore will, in my belief, do much good for them. Book is the ocean of knowledge and reading is a good habit and is worthwhile for one to possess. We must culture this habit among children before they are engaged in bad habits like playing video games and gambling. It is also the community's duty to provide any possible service to satisfy the need of children for knowledge.

If the land is still big enough, enough for a museum, and locates in the town center, I would build the first museum of my hometown, because I think museum is an excellent educational place for people to expand their knowledge and improve their favor of arts. For example, a museum of local customs will help the local people and visitors as well to understand my hometown which boasts a rich and time-honored history and culture that even the local people cannot imagine. Even aged people only knew little about the local history, and to the young, it is almost legendary. It is a great pity and pathetic for us to ignore and forget our own history, because the shadow of the past can sometimes still be felt by the present. Accordingly, it would be my best choice to establish a museum if I have the right land.
超时，而且太赶了，总是打错字啊。。。
还请凤兮舞兮多多指教，多提点意见哈~偶离考试的日子也不长了，还是很担心作文啊。。。


[ 本帖最后由 threetigers107 于 2008-6-15 11:21 编辑 ]

13th
Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.

Because of increasing deteriorating land pollution and the expanding use of land for industry development, there is far less available land. Therefore, land has becoming more and more precious. If i had the chance to receive some land, i would make use of it differently according to the area of the land.

If the area of the land i would receive is less than 20 square meters, i would plant some flowers and trees. When i was even a child, i was interested in planting. I am curious about the miracle that one small seed can grow to a big tree, bloom beautiful flowers and produce abundant fruits. However, since i have no land to grow these plants, i have to plant small flowers in flowerpots. So if i had the land, i would displace these plants to the land where they can enjoy more space and sunlight and they will grow much healthier and more beautiful.

If the area would be about 200 square meters large, i would build a villa with a large garden. Since now i have been living with my parents, though living with them is comfortable and cozy, the apartment we now live in is too small to have my own private space. So having a new large house is the dream of my family for a long time. If i could receive this amount of land, then i would obvious build a villa to make my parents’ dream come true. We could really appreciate larger rooms and live more happily.

In case the area of the land i would receive is more than 20000 square meters, then i would build a park with a new house in it. I currently live in a big city and there are already several parks in this city. However, this number of parks is not enough. Once i wanted to have a walk in a park and enjoy the peace and beauty of the park, but there were so many people in the park that i could not even find room to sit down. According to this situation, i want to build a park which everyone can enjoy themselves. Meanwhile i will hire some workers to keep the park tidy which will alleviate the stress of unemployment. What is more, i can live in this park with my parents, plant various kinds of plants and take care of them. it would be very comfortable to live.

Take into my situations into consideration, such as my preference of growing plants and the currently living conditions of my family, i would make good use of the land as mentioned above due to the amount of land i would receive.
写了n久