When we received some land to use as you wish, the answers of different people are diverse. Although it is hard to make a decision because of many wishes, which keep in my mind, I still want to use this land to build a gallery, for the following reasons.
Firstly, a gallery provides people with spiritual food, which lead people to a quality life. Obviously, people need rice, egg, water, and so forth to maintain their physical needs. However, we often neglect the spiritual part thus produce many problems, including insomnia as well as mental disorder. To pursue a better life, a gallery, displaying different art works, is the first choice. Therefore, I will build a gallery in my imaginary land.
Secondly, a gallery is a good place to exchange information between the artists and the public. To transfer their thoughts and feelings as well as to express their care about the world is the mission of the artists. Without a gallery, it is impossible to accomplish the artists’ goals. Only a demonstration do the interaction between the artists and the public start. Accordingly, a building like a gallery is beneficial to the communication between art works and people.
Thirdly, a gallery can be an art classroom, too. Although there is also art education in school, however, for the art enthusiasts, that is not enough. Owing to the lack of the teachers and the equipments, learning painting, sculpture, and other parts in a school is hard. However, a classroom in a gallery is convenient to hire a qualified teacher and prepare an wonderful environment for the students. Especially in the end of a course, a gallery still the best choice for the demonstration of the students’ works.
Certainly, dreams encourage us to work hard to make it come true. Even though there are many other choices to develop the free gift of land, I still want to build it up a gallery.
在時間內完成
不過寫末段時剩不到四分鐘
很趕著寫完
自己目前覺得最大的問題是限時寫作時
就是擬定大綱後就開始寫
雖然最近有開始背一些生字和練習一些句式變化
但是還是覺得很少使用
尤其是生字很怕寫錯就不敢用
這篇文章我選擇蓋一間藝廊
第一個原因是藝術是人們的精神食糧
第二個原因是藝廊是藝術家和大眾交流的地方
第三個原因是藝廊也是藝術教育很好的場地
麻煩sytminnie指導了

There is no doubt that when a person is a child, to have some land to use without limits is a beautiful dream, including me. Although it’s almost impossible, it doesn’t matter to my imagination about this dream. Suppose that I realize the dream some day, I will use this land as I wish. Generally speaking, I’d like to make some other dreams come true.
The foremost thing I will do is to make this land as a paradise for animals. I insist that animals are human best friends and human beings should get along with animals. However, what a pity that I have seen such a great deal of ridiculous phenomena. For instance, people encroach on animals’ habitats with abandon. As a consequence, a considerable of species of animals are in danger of extinction. I strongly can’t accept this cruel fact, so I make up my mind to afford those animals some comfortable land on which they can enjoy their lives without human infringement. I believe that those lovely animals will survive longer than their unfortunate ancestors.
Animals are human best friends and we can’t inflict damage on them certainly. At the same time, a certain group of people are also in urgent of others’ help. Nowadays, there are still a large number of people suffering wars, famine and some natural catastrophe. Regretfully, I am unable to get those people away from affliction. But if some land belongs to me, I can do some seemed-insignificant things at least with them. I probably will establish a primary school for those children who can’t receive education because of poverty. As knowledge can change one’s fate in great part, being-educated can give those children more opportunities in the future. Of course, children receive education with free of charge.
The two above dreams seem so wonderful, but it’s a pity that few people have some land to realize their dreams, including me. However, I still have the two and other similar dreams to make the whole world more beautiful and harmonious. And I believe there is some land in my heart and I can achieve my goal through my efforts.

写得好没感觉，连提纲都不好意思写出来，好像想法有点幼稚。辛苦啦

Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.


Essay:

While I imagine that I will receive some land to use, the first idea comes into my brain is to plant trees, flowers and greenery on it to build a forest park free to the whole people. Nowadays, with the development of industries and the expanse of cities, more and more forests are in dangerous and even damaged. Green gradually disappears from the city of our sight. Consequently, it is necessary to turn my land into a forest for following reasons.

Above most things, for human beings who used to living in cities, the forest brings us an opportunity to get close to the nature and also provides us a good place to relax our intense nerve resulting from the daily heavy work burden. In the competitive social, everyone lives in a life of tension and works pretty hard. Consequently, on weekends we need to enjoy the limited free time and relax ourselves completely. With all our family, the forest park will be the best option. For instance, intoxicating with the nature, we can have a picnic, play cards and forget all the pestilential assignments temporarily. Also the green color helps us eliminate fatigue.




Besides, for the environment, forests benefit the clarification of air and the reduction of noise. The evolution of industries leads a higher life level while it brings pollutions to the air. Private automobile which becomes more and more common also raises many environment problems. According to a report of the Chinese Environmental Research Institution, forests play an active role in clarification of air and reduction of noise. The ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide in the air around the forests is higher than other places. It is favorable to our health.


Furthermore, for some animals, the forest offers a new habitat for them. With the expanse of cities, we occupy the land of forests and cut trees for building constructions both of which used to be the home for some animals. Take the birds for an example. They have to migrate to other forests and to find new habitat caused by the decreasing of trees. Consequently, if I build a forest park, it will abstract lots of birds to live there so that they need not to move.

Although the urban life is convenience for us, we still need a place to relax leaving everything behind and to arouse our environmental protection consciousness. Especially in today’s social, when stone forests gently take place of green forests, it is valuable for me to use the land as an alarm for all the humankind living in the cities.



Summary:
1.
当说到如果给我一块土地我会怎么用第一个出现在我脑海中的就是建一个森林公园.
2.
对于人类来说,森林公园让我们有机会亲近自然,放松自己紧绷的神经.
3.
对于环境来说,森林能进化空气和减少噪音
4.
对于一些小动物来说,森林给它们提供了新的栖息地.
5.
虽然城市生活很便利,我们仍然需要这样一块让我们放松的地方,同时能唤起我们的环保意识.所以我认为用我的土地给人们一个警示是值得的(呃..有点突兀的感觉).


…….晚交了…我检讨..><~
麻烦了~~

There is no doubt that when a person is a child, to have some land to use without limits is a beautiful dream, including me（非要是个小孩才行吗？）. Although it’s almost impossible, it doesn’t matter to my imagination about this dream（我觉得有点不妥，it doesn’t matter 后面一般直接加从句或it doesn’t matter to sb+从句。建议it does not affect my imagination about this dream，个人建议，）. Suppose that I would have realized the dream some day, I will (would) use this land as I wish（我觉得既是假设就该用虚拟语气）. Generally speaking, I’d like to make some
（two）
other（略去）dreams come true.
The foremost thing I will
(would) do is to make this land as （略去）a paradise for animals. I insist that animals are human best friends (我觉得应该是human’s , 在网上搜的也是。Human虽然可以做形容词，但human friends 和human’s friends 不一样，前面的应该是“人类朋友”，相对于其他物种而言的朋友，如狗狗的人类朋友；而后者才是人类的朋友。要是有疑问可以在群上探讨啊，也可以直接请教老大~) and human beings should get along with animals. However, what a pity that I have seen such a great deal of ridiculous phenomena. For instance, people encroach on animals’ habitats with abandon. As a consequence, a considerable numberof species of animals are in danger of extinction. I strongly can’t accept this cruel fact, so I make up my mind to afford those animals some comfortable land on which they can enjoy their lives without human infringement. I believe that those lovely animals will survive longer than their unfortunate ancestors.
Animals are human’s best friends and we can’t (cannot) inflict damage on them certainly(建议放在we之后). At the same time, a certain group of people are also in urgent need of others’ help. Nowadays, there are still a large number of people suffering from （suffer虽然也可作vt动词to experience sth unpleasant，但和vi to be badly affected by a disease, pain, sadness, a lack of sth动词意思上有区别，我觉得应该用vi形式） wars, famine and some natural catastrophes. Regretfully, I am unable to get (liberate，get away from
，
离开,逃脱。应该没有get sb away from…的吧？) those people away from
those affliction. But if some land belongs to me, I can do some seemed-insignificant (没这个用法吧？) things at least（建议放到I 前面） with them. I probably will （would）establish a primary school for those children who can’t (cannot) receive ( are deprived of,突然想到的，呵呵)education because of poverty. As knowledge can change one’s fate in great part, being-educated can give those children more opportunities in the future. Of course, children
would
receive education with free of charge.(哈哈，大地主，这么好的事情以后把孩子送到你的学校去~)
The two above dreams seem so wonderful, but it’s (it is,写作时尽量不要用缩写) a pity that few people have some land to realize their dreams, including me. However, I still have the two and other similar dreams to make the whole world more beautiful and harmonious. And I believe there is some land in my heart and I can achieve my goal through my efforts.

个人感觉，是挺幼稚的，呵呵，不过还是写了400多字。加油~

我想参加！

抱歉已经满员了
你可以问问别的梯队或者自己建队

9:17~9:47 --55,
Time to let my imagination roar（俄，不晓得这个是什么意思，没有看到过这样的句子？是词组？）: what am（do) I suppose to deal with a land which I can use as I wish? Considering the size of it as well as its location, I would design different blueprints for it in order to make the best use of it（我也用了这个,汗）.

If it was just a little plot of land in my backyard, I would turn it into my little garden, half of which grows vegetables and the other flowers（读起来感觉超好，利用利用）. Vegetables like cucumber, cabbage and potato are all my family members’ favor. With a vegetable garden in my backyard, those vegetables would always be available in the right season freshly. Since they are vegetables planted by myself, there is no need to worry about the possibility of poisoning due to poisonous pesticide. Meanwhile culturing and tendering flowers is a good activity for one to relax from strained modern life. With roses and other flowers blooming and their fragrance flowing in my backyard is really enjoyable and pleasant（句子有点问题，没有主语）.这段写得实在是很好，自愧不如。

If room allowed, I would like to build a library in miniature in my community. Since my community is far away from the town center, it boasts not even a bookstore. Therefore, many children have nothing to do after finishing their homework. If there is a small library, even a little bookstore will, in my belief, does much good for them. Book is the ocean of knowledge and reading is a good habit and(太多and了，改成which) is worthwhile for one to possess. We must culture（一直看到这个单词，这个单词可以做动词用么，还是打错？cultivate?)this habit among children before they are engaged in bad habits like playing video games and(or) gambling. It is also the community's duty to provide any possible service to satisfy the need of children for knowledge.

If the land is (一直用虚拟语气的，was）still big enough, enough for a museum, and locates(located) in the town center, I would build the first museum of my hometown, because I think museum is an excellent educational place for people to expand their knowledge and improve their favor of arts. For example, a museum of local customs will help the local people and visitors as well(不加也可以)to understand my hometown which boasts a rich and time-honored history and culture that even the local people cannot imagine. Even aged people only knew little about the local history, and to the young, it is almost legendary. It is a great pity and pathetic for us to ignore and forget our own history, because the shadow of the past can sometimes still be felt by the present. Accordingly, it would be my best choice to establish a museum if I have the right land.

写的真的很好，在考试时好好打字，不要犯些低级错误，肯定能拿高分，不用担心。

1.let my imagination roar我是想说充分发挥我的想象力的意思，我忘了动词是不是用roar 了。。。好像不是 是soar,,,let one's imagination soar
2.手误，what am I supposed to do
3. culture 好像是不可以用作动词，谢谢提醒~
4.那个do 改成does的没必要，因为前面有个will, 不过最好是用would.假设嘛~
5.我这个水平在群里算中等就不错了，不少组员的文章都很好啊，还有已经退出的lucky等都很强的，嘿嘿，学习啦~

[ 本帖最后由 threetigers107 于 2008-6-21 00:29 编辑 ]

on ly-xiao653

Exploring national resources, such as oil, rate materials, from our planet continually, dumping industrial waste into nature with a huge mount that the soil can not dissolve by itself, we have owned too much to the beautiful earth, （加个so，第一个句子太长了。。）I think we should do something wholesome to it. If I have received some land, I would plant trees there to establish a national forest, responding to the ozone hole and to the increasing problem of deforestation.

On one hand, setting up a nation forest can be benefit（beneficial） for the environment. The trees can absorb the plethora(plethoric) toxic gas in the air, which has a bad impact on human body(因为前面那个逗号，让人感觉这个从句不是修饰有毒气体，而是修饰前面那句话的。。建议调一下顺序), even can induce cancers. Moreover, because of the development of the over-industrialized and over-populated cities, there is less and less place for wild animals to inhabit, resulting in the extinction of some precious species. Nation（National） forest can provide a very suitable habitat for all the homeless animals, and, perhaps, it is not necessary that we confine animals in a cage in the zoo for the reason-protecting them by building “steel house” for them.

On the other hand, nation(national) forest can bring us economic benefit by supplying plenty of timber, charging a certain fare from the visitors who entertain in the forest. For example, every year millions, if not billions of people traveled(travel,感觉应该用现在时？) to Japan, most, if not all of them allured by the snow-covered peak and brilliant cherry blossom would（will） choose to visit the Mount Fuji, which increase the financial income of the locate(local) government. Furthermore, nation(national) forest is a good place to hike or camp, where people can enjoy the pure natural landscape, leaving behind the stress and pressure from your coworkers and your boss, meditating in the serene circumstance and feeling the power of the universe. Hiking can be good for your body physically, thinking about your self can be helpful for your mind mentally, and talking with your friends can strength the relationship with others, all of these, you can get from the simple trip in a nation(national) forest.

From all the merits of building a nation forest, on environmentally and on economically, I would say if I have a land, I would use it as a nation(national) forest, preserving trees, entertaining for people as well as making money.

从内容上讲,这篇文章比我的那篇好多了,ly-xiao653的理由写的很充分,并且附带合适的例子
缺陷就是有些语法错误,那个national forest第一段都写对了,不知道为什么后面全用的nation forest?
第一句话稍微有点长,一来就让人犯昏,建议改成2个句子
另外需要稍微注意一下词性
除去一些小错误,是篇不错的文章,特别是内容我很欣赏

[ 本帖最后由 tuolingphecda 于 2008-6-21 10:51 编辑 ]

on 凤兮舞兮
Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.

Because of increasing deteriorating land pollution and the expanding use of land for industry development, there is far less available land. Therefore, land has becoming more and more precious. If i had the chance to receive some land, i would make use of it differently according to the area of the land.

If the area of the land i would receive is less than 20 square meters, i would plant some flowers and trees. When i was even a child, i was interested in planting. I am curious about the miracle that one small seed can grow to a big tree, bloom beautiful flowers(bloom就是开花的意思） and produce abundant fruits（改了一下，不知道是不是好点can germinate, blossom, and, then fruit). However, since i have no land to grow these plants, i have to plant small flowers in flowerpots(转折的有点奇怪，the only thing i can do is planting small...). So if i had the land, i would displace these plants to the land where they can enjoy more space and sunlight and they will grow much healthier and more beautiful.

If the area would be about 200 square meters large, i would build a villa with a large garden. Since now i have been living with my parents, though living with them is（如果改成独立主格，是不是可以去掉is) comfortable and cozy, the apartment we now live in is too small to have my own private space. So having a new large house is the dream of my family for a long time. If i could receive this amount of land, then i would obvious（obviously) build a villa to make my parents’ dream come true. We could really appreciate larger rooms and live more happily.

In case the area of the land i would receive is more than 20000 square meters, then i would build a park with a new house in it. I currently live in a big city and there are already several parks in this city. However, this number of parks is not enough. Once i wanted to have a walk in a park and enjoy the peace and beauty of the park, but there were so many people in the park that i could not even find room to sit down. According to this situation, i want to build a park which(where) everyone can enjoy themselves. Meanwhile i will hire some workers to keep the park tidy which will alleviate the stress of unemployment. What is more, i can live in this park with my parents, plant various kinds of plants and take care of them. it would be very comfortable to live.

Take into my situations into consideration, such as my preference of growing plants and the currently living conditions of my family, i would make good use of the land as mentioned above due to the amount of land i would receive.
文章的思路非常好，把土地按大小来进行划分,每段开头的一句话即提示本段内容，又紧扣题目很好
文章层次分明，主要围绕种树与居住来写，内容比较紧凑。
全文读完基本，没发现什么语法错误，
但是文中有些句子不是很地道，可以试着换一些描写方法

Land, a piece of free soil, is the hope of every people since two thousand years ago, because land is closely related to people’s living standards, especially in agriculture epoch. However（however可去，后面even表示“即使”感觉够了，这里的转折没有这么强）, even nowadays, owning some land also means dream paradise, because inside you can create freely your own kingdom. If fortunately I can receive some land, I perceive it’s a good chance to build a modern high school.
On the one hand, I want to introduce new style of education to high school students. Undoubtedly, there are many controversies about present Chinese educational system. From the standpoint of some parents and teachers, high school is just unavoidable access to university. （觉得这里可以用一个转折连词过渡一下，表示对前面老师和家长的观点持不同意见）Due to my real experience, high schools all focus on how to get high goals in all kinds of examinations and neglect the responsibility of fostering crossing（查字典没有查到类似交叉综合的意思，我也一时没有想到别的如表示综合、全面、交叉的词汇，integrated合不合适？） talents. Thereby, my new high school in this hopeful land will convert the attitudes, studying for examinations, of students and parents, and advocate free ideas and thinking, just like the meaning of this land, freedom and hope（这个是前面所指的meaning of this land吧，有个说不出的感觉）. Hence, I think more students can contact on various information and hand skill（skills?skill也可以不可数，但是我倒是真不知道两个怎么区分，麻烦组员告诉一下） in this school, which is more suitable for the demands of modern society.
On the other hand, the modern school in this land not only provides better education for students but also brings culture atmosphere（是不是文化氛围啊？我就是问问，呵呵） to the neighborhood. In my community, many people entertain themselves by gathering to play cards day and night（有个建议，感觉entertain属于很阳光的那种，这里最好用“沉溺于”啊be addicted in之类的，突出其十恶不赦HOHO）, which takes a negative impact on the whole community, such as idleness, unemployment, depression, even crime. （用连词引导一下）A new built school, will unconsciously guild（是不是想说guide?引导guild协会，这里应该是错了吧？） them to care more about culture and knowledge. Especially once they send their children to my school, they will be influenced by the children who take part in diverse meaningful activities and hold rich information. Thus they will spend less time on cards in case of leaving a bad impression on children. Therefore the neighborhood will become more harmonious.
School is the symbol of the culture levels in the local city, as well the crucial key to the future life of young students. （as well连得好俊）From this prospective, a new school is the most appropriate mean to use the cherished land.

这个都叫写得不好的话，呃…替我叫救护车…
写得好好，词汇挺多样的，两个例子都有specific的例子说明，很有说服力啊感觉，觉得一个学校真的好有必要。绿的没怎么标，但是感觉真的很不错，值得我好好学习。
还有就是一个问题，中式思维里的破折号的用法：转变这种传统观念——学习只是为了考试，这时候到底语序安排上到底应该怎么样合适啊，包括标点，总觉得两个逗号逗开会不会不合适，这篇文章里也有这样的。不知道大家明不明白我的意思，希望给点建议。
再次赞一下，写得好好！加油！

恩，谢谢

没有看到will

While I imagine that I will receive some land to use, the first idea comes into my brain is to plant trees, flowers and greenery on it to build a forest park free to the whole people. Nowadays, with the development of industries and the expanse（改expansion, expanse查字典是寬廣的區域, 這裡應該是要表示城市的擴建） of cities, more and more forests are in dangerous and even damaged. Green gradually disappears from the city of our sight. Consequently, it is necessary to turn my land into a forest for following reasons.（覺得這一句比較突兀,因為題目是想像擁有一片土地可以自由使用,用it is necessary覺得較不妥）


Above most things, for human beings who used to living in cities, the forest brings us an opportunity to get close to the nature and also provides us（要加with provide sb with sth） a good place to relax our intense nerve resulting from the daily heavy work burden. In the （this）competitive social（改society）, everyone lives in a life of tension and works pretty hard. Consequently, on weekends we need to enjoy the limited free time and relax ourselves completely. With all our family, the forest park will be the best option. For instance, intoxicating with the nature, we can have a picnic, play cards and forget all the pestilential assignments temporarily. Also the green color helps us eliminate fatigue.




Besides, for the environment, forests benefit the clarification of air and the reduction of noise（覺得改成 reduce the noise,因為前面動詞用benefit看起來覺得很怪）. The evolution of industries leads a higher life level while it brings pollutions to the air. Private automobile which becomes more and more common also raises many environment problems. According to a report of the Chinese Environmental Research Institution（看起來很有說服力）, forests play an active role in clarification of air and reduction of noise. The ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide in the air around the forests is higher than other places. It is favorable to our health.

Furthermore, for some animals, the forest offers a new habitat for them（應該是offer sth to sb或是offer sb sth）. With the expanse（改expansion） of cities, we occupy the land of forests and cut trees for building constructions both of which used to be the home for some animals. Take the birds for an example. They have to migrate to other forests and to find new habitat caused by the decreasing of trees. Consequently, if I build a forest park, it will abstract（改attract） lots of birds to live there so that they need not to move.
Although the urban life is convenience（改convenient） for us, we still need a place to relax leaving everything behind and to arouse our environmental protection consciousness. Especially in today’s social, when stone forests（看不懂stone forests） gently take place of green forests, it is valuable for me to use the land as an alarm for all the humankind living in the cities（覺得寫,to point out the important of environment protection, it is valuable for me to use the land as a forest就比較沒那麼突兀了,to…還可以將你的論點一起加入）.

思路很好
值得我學習
太晚改了請見諒
不知道是否自己文章看太少
感覺有些有些名詞或是形容詞會弄錯
如果是也可以這樣用的話也請指正

那个确实应该是guide  我写错了...
blue 提的意见都很好 我有些词是自己翻译的...比如那个文化氛围
至于那个破折号的用法, 我习惯上用逗号,貌似以前读阅读里看过这种用法,但是具体怎么弄 我也不太清楚了..
谢谢blue

引用:

原帖由 blue_scorpion 于 2008/6/23 18:43 发表
Land, a piece of free soil,（这个有点重复啊，就说A piece of free land） is the hope of every people since two thousand years ago, because land(一般再次出现用代词，这里it) is closely related to people’s living standards, especially in agriculture epoch. ...

引用:

Due to my real experience,(我觉得用According to比due to好，due to表原因，但是我理解你的意思是“根据我自己真实的经历”。不知道我理解对没有)...

引用:

neglect the responsibility of fostering crossing（我觉得comprehensive或者interdiscipline都可以）talents ...

引用:

Hence, I think more students can contact on various information and hand skill（skills?skill也可以不可数，但是我倒是真不知道两个怎么区分，麻烦组员告诉一下） in this school

hand skill是指的什么呢？这个我不太理解啊

[ 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-6-24 12:55 编辑 ]

ON bardin


When we received some land to use as you wish, the answers of different people are diverse. Although it is hard to make a decision because of many wishes, which keep in my mind（这一个插入语感觉不太合适）, I still want to use this land to build a gallery, for the following reasons.

Firstly, a gallery provides people with spiritual food, which lead people to a quality life. Obviously, people need rice, egg, water, and so forth to maintain their physical needs. However, we often neglect the spiritual part thus produce many problems, including insomnia as well as mental disorder. To pursue a better life, a gallery, displaying different art works, is the first choice.(这里给人感觉多少有些武断，理由还不够让人信服) Therefore, I will build a gallery in my imaginary land.
Secondly, a gallery is a good place to exchange information between the artists and the public. To transfer their thoughts and feelings as well as to express their care about the world is the mission of the artists.（个人感觉这是个不错的句子，句式和要表达的内容都很舒服） Without a gallery, it is impossible to accomplish the artists’ goals. Only a demonstration do the interaction between the artists and the public start.(这句话存在一定的问题)
Accordingly, a building like a gallery is beneficial to the communication between art works and people. (A gallery is the medium/intermediate between
… and …

只是个人建议；‘communication between art works and people’这种表达不知道是不是有问题
)

Thirdly, a gallery can be an art classroom, too. Although there is also art education in school, however, for the art enthusiasts, that is not enough. Owing to the lack of the teachers and the equipments, learning painting, sculpture, and other parts in a school is hard. However, a classroom in a gallery is convenient to hire a qualified teacher and prepare an（a） wonderful environment for the students. Especially in the end of a course, a gallery still the best choice（expression） for the demonstration of the students’ works.

Certainly, dreams encourage us to work hard to make it come true. Even though there are many other choices to develop the free gift of land, I still want to build it up a gallery. (If it were up to me to make a choice, building a gallery would enjoy the priority to be my optimum option.)

谢谢bardin~~~^^..是我太粗心了..谢谢你的指正~~