题目：the plane tickets nowadays are cheaper than before.Do you think this is a good change?


下面是我写的内容。。。。请高手，老师，指点指点。。我8月9号考。。。。正疯狂准备

     With the devolopment of society,anybody can't reach anywhere quickly without plane.Nowadays the plane tickets become more an more cheaper.I think it is a good change for people.
     To begin with,increasingly people they can go anywhere by plane.It is obvious that
they can have a good service in the plane,and they can enjoy it.Then,you need not to put up with the train jam if you by plane.Some people do believe that they can have a good time when they by plane.
     Furthermore,they can always spend a little time for their tour.Apparently,they can have further time for their tour.In the plane,you can make more friends.finally,you can see many beautiful landscape with your friends or your family members.To be sure,it is a best choose to go by plane.
     To conclude,the plane tickets become cheaper what is a good change.Needless to say,the society things are changed everyday.

[ 本帖最后由 wonder960 于 2008-7-16 18:02 编辑 ]

等待中ING

With the devolopment of society
加个our吧。。our society
It is obvious that they can have a good service in the plane,and they can enjoy it.
这里我觉得obvious得很牵强，人们坐飞机主要还是方便为主，毕竟只是交通工具，所以这一条作为begin with不恰当
you can see many beautiful landscape with your friends or your family members
这里更加牵强了，飞机上看不了风景吧，除非你改成“享受着白云之上的感觉”什么的
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总评：题目问的是机票便宜了好不好，但是LZ给的例子没有抓住“机票变得便宜了”
题目问的是变化后的影响，可是第一段写得似乎和题目没有强有力的联系，比如你应该写机票便宜了以后，坐飞机的人可能会多，给人们带来了方便等等，以支持你的观点：机票降价是好的

我不是老师也不是高手
以上都是个人短见
大家共同学习共同进步

谢谢你的建议....