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“Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.”- d9 L' J* {8 d  u# [: ~; v0 K3 Z
以下是我写的，麻烦大家看一下了，有什么问题，说一说．2 d2 F( Y  I' A
I think whether the loneliness of contemporary civilizations is increasing depends on how you use the modern technological tools.
6 ^) N$ _6 i5 l( @  aThe technological tools can shorten the distance among people in some ways and bring some warmth from other people or to,so drive away the loneliness..For example,you can telephone your home to your parents to get in touch with them or to give your best regards to them.Then your parents may feel that you were close to them and their hearts may be warmed,so don’t feel lonely any more.Further more,the popularization of computer makes you another way to communicate with other people more conveniently and cheaply.you can chat on line,mail to them,or even you can see them and speak to them simultaneously as if they were before you by using some kind of software.So all of this have removed time and space interval among people.Most of us can eliminate the loneliness by this way and no longer feel lonely." n& B3 Y' Q9 p% Y6 |# D
On the other side,technological tools can also make you alienated from other people if you don’t use them peoperly.As a result,you or others may have the problem of loneliness.You may choose to spend a lot of time sitting before the computer on Sunday,not going out with your friends or your family members to have some fun.As time goes by,the alienation rises and increases.And you,at last,may be no longer on intimate terms with them.The telephone can also have this impact.For instance,You may just call to your parents and extend your greetings to them,but you never pay a visit to them.You may think this is OK,but this is not for your parents.They are old and need warmth from you more fervently.What you do makes them feel lonely.In a word,technological tools can have have some negative effects.
" m' Z# C6 I4 E, d7 \In conclusion,the technological products have two-side effectYou can’t just say them make the loneliness increasing or decreasing.It rests with concrete condition.) i! @. y6 p& _( j) Y; A7 W

sunshaoping :你的文章写得有逻辑性，语言的问题也不大。我想你TOFEL作文应该考得不错。但是，分析问题好象不够透彻，让人看了觉得有点浅，这与缺少用词的技巧和高档词的使用不无关系。我也在探索如何写好作文，多交流吧！继续努力，多看6分例文，你可以不断提高。

Agree

嗯，我同意你对我的评论，我想我分析的确实不够深，但我自己分析的目前只能是这一个水平了，我需要看看它的范文来对比我自己，当然在写之前我没有看。谢谢了

我忘了说，我没有考过托福。

没关系的，我看你表达能力还好啊！我最近也在看作文，很烦的哦。你什么时候考？