Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.





As the coming age of mass media, almost everyone will unavoidablely be influencedby television, newspapers, and even the World Wide Web--the Internet. Famous people are the only group the masses most concern. Convenient media approaches make every day's behaviors of famous people available to average people. Commercial management of media brings about the excessive attention to the personal livesof famous people.

To begin with, after television and broadcast, Internet is becoming the most popular and convenient way for information. Because social celebrities are always the focus of news, many websites have to endeavor a lot to publish relevant news. Besides the convenient access to news, Internet is also a fascinating place where normal people can announce their opinions and communicate with each other without obstacles. So the personal lives of famous  people could consistently be the hottest issue on the website. Concerning the significant influence of famous people, several well-known news websites established special areas on its websites to provide up-to-date information  aboutfamous people’s personal lives.

Not just what I have mentioned above, maybe someone merely cannot satisfy about these, and even several public figures start personal websites and blogs to cater for the appetite of the mass. According to recent news, the visit rate of the blog of Xu Jinglei, who is a famous actress in mainland of China, has broken through 1 billion. The blog memorizes almost every details about her work and usual life. In comparison, the relevant websites about mass health care and charity service are not that attractive.

Moreover,some cunning news companies always exaggerate the plots about celebirties'personal affairs for commercial purpose. By reading many different newspapers in USA,you will see that President Bush's pictures published can not be so funny. Those entire pictures exhibit the behaviors of Bush were so awkward and indecent. Why do those newspaper's editors use such pictures? The answer can not be tooclear. The editors want to allure as many people as possible by using the people's curiosity to famous people. Obviously, it is the audience who are the very motive for the excessive attention of the media.

In conclusion, the convenient media approaches and the curiosity of ordinary people render the personal lives of famous people always open for discussing and debating, and media has pay too much attention about these.

As the coming age of mass media(a little weird), almost everyone will unavoidablely be influencedby television, newspapers, and even the World Wide Web--the Internet. Famous people are the only group(too absolute) the masses most concern. Convenient media approaches make every day's behaviors of famous people available to average people. Commercial management of media brings about the excessive attention to the personal livesof famous people.:h

To begin with, after television and broadcast, Internet is becoming the most popular and convenient way for information. Because social celebrities are always the focus of news, many websites have to endeavor a lot to publish relevant news. Besides the convenient access to news, Internet is also a fascinating place where normal people can announce their opinions and communicate with each other without obstacles. So the personal lives of famous  people could consistently be the hottest issue on the website. Concerning the significant influence of famous people, several well-known news websites established special areas on its websites to provide up-to-date information  aboutfamous people’s personal lives.`

Not just what I have mentioned above, maybe someone merely cannot satisfy about these, and even several public figures start personal websites and blogs to cater for the appetite of the mass. According to recent news, the visit rate of the blog of Xu Jinglei, who is a famous actress in mainland of China, has broken through 1 billion. The blog memorizes almost every details about her work and usual(daily is better) life. In comparison, the relevant websites about mass health care and charity service are not that attractive.

Moreover,some cunning news companies always exaggerate the plots about celebirties'personal affairs for commercial purpose. By reading many different newspapers in USA,you will see that President Bush's pictures published can not be so funny. Those entire pictures exhibit the behaviors of Bush were so awkward and indecent. Why do those newspaper's editors use such pictures? The answer can not be too clear. The editors want to allure as many people as possible by using the people's curiosity to famous people. Obviously, it is the audience who are the very motive for the excessive attention of the media.

In conclusion, the convenient media approaches and the curiosity of ordinary people render the personal lives of famous people always open for discussing and debating, and media has pay too much attention about these.

总体来看，有两个问题：
1文章的主题是要探讨媒体是否过多关注名人，但你没有围绕这一点展开，感觉跑题了。
2每一段开头最好能以一个精湛的主题句开头，让人能一目了然，知道本段将要说什么，而不是看完整段还感觉一头雾水。比如第二段，我看完整篇文章还不清楚你要表达什么意思，是要表达因特网使人们更加容易获取信息吗，还是别的什么？最主要的是，它跟主题无关。

批评成分比较多，不好意思了。

引用:

原帖由 bmw0901 于 2007-7-27 12:27 发表
Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figure ...

As the coming age of mass media, almost everyone will unavoidablely be influencedby television, newspapers, and even(also,why even?) the World Wide Web--the Internet. Famous people are the only group the masses most concern(这句话有点偏激了啊...). Convenient media approaches make every day's behaviors of famous people available to average people. Commercial management of media brings about the excessive attention to the personal livesof famous people.
To begin with, after television and broadcast, Internet is becoming the most popular and convenient way for(to get) information. Because social celebrities are always the focus of news, many websites have to endeavor a lot(endeaver本来就是努力的意思啊... a lot是不是可以删掉呢?)to publish relevant news. Besides the convenient access to news, Internet is also a fascinating place where normal(ordinary is better, what is the meaning of normal?呵呵) people can announce their opinions and communicate with each other without obstacles. So the personal lives of famous  people could consistently be the hottest issue on the website. Concerning the significant influence of famous people, several well-known news websites established special areas on its websites to provide up-to-date information  about famous people’s personal lives./{q&@'U5R[u

Not just what I have mentioned above, maybe someone merely cannot satisfy about (be satisfied with)these, and even several public figures start personal websites and blogs to cater for(to,not for) the appetite of the mass. According to recent news, the visit rate of the blog of Xu Jinglei, who is a famous actress in mainland of China, has broken through 1 billion. The blog memorizes almost every details about her work and usual(daily life?) life. In comparison(照你后面句子的意思,两者应该是对比,用 In contrast比较合适), the relevant websites about mass health care and charity service are not that attractive(我明白你这段的意思了,你貌似缺少一个有力的主题句,阅卷老师在有限的时间里肯定是先看主题句的,要是他看了这段没明白你要说什么呢?? 呵呵).太傻超级论坛2v0]%G]
j'f$NYl

Moreover,some cunning news companies always exaggerate the plots about celebirties'personal affairs for commercial purpose. By reading many different newspapers in USA,you will see that President Bush's pictures published can not be so(too?) funny. Those entire pictures exhibit the behaviors of Bush were so awkward and indecent. Why do those newspaper's editors use such pictures? The answer can not be tooclear. The editors want to allure as many people as possible by using the people's curiosity to famous people. Obviously, it is the audience who are the very motive(motivation) for the excessive attention of the media.1v+{
r0_b&]%]`
GRE,TOEFL,SAT,IELTS,GMAT,visa,USA,留学,签证,申请,美国,英国,加拿大,欧洲,O7t        yBu@Xd9?
In conclusion, the convenient media approaches and the curiosity of ordinary people render the personal lives of famous people always open for discussing and debating, and media has pay(paid) too much attention about(not about ,but "to") these.

lhckj 说得有道理呢,我前几天写这篇作文也有类似逻辑的问题.
看看李笑来的高分作文吧呵呵,说不定会有所帮助呢
加油哦

首先谢谢各位，大家辛苦了。

的确我写完时也感觉好像有些跑题了，万一考试的时候也这样那不玩完了嘛，怕怕~

还有好多要向大家学习啊，先谢谢大家 ^_^

回楼上诸位：
    我注意到近段咱们三个人都写过这个主题的文章，恰好能互相取长补短。
    对两位的逻辑问题，我提的意见都比较尖锐，有些过火，呵呵。原来在新东方上课时，当时的老师特别提过这个主题的写作，说容易在逻辑上跑题，所以我在逻辑方面就比较挑剔一些了。
    共同进步拉

共同进步

逻辑确实很重要啊...
共同进步啊,呵呵

关于李笑来高分作文第28题，本人认为跑题！原因如下：
题目是问媒体是否过于关注名人个人生活，也就是说是这种现象是否是事实，而笑来的论点是：批评媒体过于关注名人个人生活是不准确的。所以首先STATEMENT跑题。
    接下来笑来提出了第一个分论点，说主要原因是大众导致了这一现象的存在。即使这是事实，即间接原因由大众引起，但还是说明了媒体确实过分关注名人个人生活。其实这一段用来支持他本人的观点也不太合适。
    而第二个分论点是说媒体过分关注名人会造成危害。怎么去谈它的危害了，可以看出不能支持主论点。接着笑来建议媒体应该怎么做，这与主论点“媒体是否过于关注名人生活”有什么联系吗？ No.
        整篇文章本来也就两段，支持的信息较少，再加上分论点并不能支持主论点，读完后感觉confused.
       不知大家是否有同样的feelings.  所以，看里面所有的文章抱着批判的态度去吸收，仔细思考各分论点是怎样支持主论点的（分论点不要重复，应从不同角度考虑），论点间有何联系，最好有自己的想法。
（GRE作文书中很多题目的提纲并不合适，重复或逻辑性不强或支持力度不够。）