Dear friends, 各位梯队的队长和队员们，我们都发现会员们在开始准备写作的时候一个很为难的问题就是Chinese-English,现在我们大家一起把评阅作文当中发现的并且改过来的Chinese-English集中起来，这样积少成多就可以更多的帮助其他的会员们！
请大家以回帖的形式把你发现的这些句子和你的修改建议发上来，如果需要加入新的内容，请更新帖子。如果没有需要添加到内容，那就不用回帖了：）
                                                                                         蓝鹰Team   
                                                                                         Activity initiator:  蓝鹰NO.6 依非




                                         

这边一个教授答应在我考试前每个星期帮我修改3篇作文。从修改中可以明显看出中式思维和英语思维的不同，这里发上来和大家共享。
对于句型重组在3月29前不能每天来更新，但是每个星期会来挑一些大家的典型句子进行重组。

作文修改前后对比在附件里，因为word的修改track on格式这里不支持。

不知不觉改了10几篇作文了。陆陆续续的总结出了大家一些共同的问题。主要针对用词造句。尤其通过对长句子句型的重组可以非常直观的看出如何来改进中式英语。在这里把之前重组过的句子详细列出来。希望对每个人修改自己及其他人的作文有些帮助。

引用了大家作文中的句子，希望不要介意。上面是原句，下面是重组。

-As time goes by, in this computer era, the Internet becomes a more and more popular and significant event and topic for the modern society. Nowadays, some people think that students will be educated online eventually, which I cannot agree more.

In this computer era, internet has taken a much more popular and significant role in our modern society. This phenomenon led many people to a belief that students will eventually get their education though online training, which I cannot agree more.

-Firstly, when a man becomes to a college students, the stress he faces is from both heavy school load and future life, especially the students majored in Mechanical Engineering or Civil Engineering. They throw their heart and soul to their studies,even with little time to relax. If university occupies their extra time to learn history, which have no relation to their major. It will become a unnecessary burden.

Firstly, college students have to face not only the stress from the intense lectures and homework, but also the upcoming future reality. Take students majored in Mechanical Engineering or Civil Engineering as an example. Because of the tremendous amount of information they have to go through, they have very little time left to relax. And if they are required to take on the extra learning of history, which have no relation to their major, most of them would consider life somehow miserable.

-If we pay attention to this issue of,whether all college students should learn history.

If we compare this situation with the corrent debate, whether all college students should learn history.

-Those who concerned that history is not useful for us. They believe that the future is more significant.

Those who are concerned that history is not useful for us believe that the future is more significant.

-Recently, I heard a new policy in my college; grading the same point to all group members of a project. In my perspective, it is a wisdom and applausive decision by the following three reasons, that is ,it is a superb way to stimulate every member’s morale, to make the inner-team member harmony ,and, the most important one, to teach every member in the team how to cooperate well in a team, which is a vital character for the future’s superior life.

Giving the same grade to all members of a project is a new policy in many colleges. From my perspective, it is a remarkable and applausive decision because it will certainly give stimulation to everyone in the group, guarantee the consistency of the whole project flow and therefore, teach everyone an important lesson of team work, which is the key to future reality.

-First of all, universities have the duty, not  limit to educate students, to keep the technology developing andunderstanding more of unknown questions in the world.

First of all, universities have the duty, not  only limited to educate students, but also to keep up with the fast developed technology and to discover the unknows of the world.

-Moreover, even though the facets of sports and social activities have much importance are important.

Moreover, although the importance of sports and social activities are undeniable facts.

-I don't think it's a disputable topic that the ability to cooperate the much more important than it was in the past.

It is undisputable that whether the ability to cooperate was much more important in the past.

-But now,this company buyes(指代Ford) its spare part from China,Japan,England and many different country and then assembles its cars in foreign countries.

However, nowadays the whole work flow of Ford has involed designing models in North america, manufacturing parts in the third-world-country like China or Malasia, and then have their assembly lines built worldwide.

-The main reason why people should make their decisions by their own is that this is the only way to assure that they will not regret after failure.

I support that people should make their own decisions is simply because that this is the only way to ensure that they will not regret after failure.

-Another reason why people shouldn’t  count on others is that making decisions oneself can help one to learn the spirit of independence.

Another reason why people should not count on others is that through the process of making decisions on their own one can learn the spirit of independence.

-Dare to venture is a very important quality to succeed.

Dare to venture is an important asset to the future success.

2月12日更新

-With the rapid growth of the society, everyday our eyes are full of various items. It have been long periods during which some people hold the position that we should pay attention to what happen around us, while there have been always, at the same time various forms of opposition to it.

We are learning something new everyday in this rapid growing society. As a result, a general debate has been circling around us for a long time. While some people consider otherwise, others disagree that we should pay attention to everything happens around us.

-For instance, a recent policy implemented that the organ transplants is illegal in China, if you are a excellent expert in this field, then settle down in Japan with your wife and daughter is a good choice as there is no space for your talent to research and experiment.


For instance, while an expert in the organ transplants field is looking for a place to settle down with the family, is would be better to choose Japan over China since a recent policy pointed that organ transplants is illegal

-After having a long time studying, I always open my television to look through the news concerning the business. I learned that Lenovo purchased human resource department of  IBM. Maybe I will open my Firefox and turn to www.economist.com to see what is happening in other country.


After a long studying period, I would watch news focusing on the business world and if I find anything interests me maybe I will check out more details about them on the internet.


-In this situation, a debatable issue comes out to be whether it is important to know these events despite that sometimes they are unlikely to affect your daily life.


In responds to this situation, a general debate based on whether it is important to know these events despite that sometimes they are unlikely to affect our daily life has been brought to the public.蓝鹰突破专题-转变中式思维之用词造句

[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2008-3-6 19:21 编辑 ]

引用:

原帖由 cherrysisi 于 2008-2-11 16:43 发表
yifei能不能抽象的概括一下典型的中式思维都有哪些情况？！

我也在考虑这个问题。觉得现在改的还不够，还不能准确地概括中式思维，不过我会陆续更新这张贴，然后再作出总结。

如果大家觉得好，请把自己的经验回复上来
此帖不水哦：）

下个星期就考试了，今天再发3篇加拿大英文教授改过的作文上来。大家注意其中修改过的词组和介词的使用，可以举一反三学到很多地道的英语。

以下是我在学校（北京科技大学）上实用英语写作研究生班时老师讲的几点中英文写作（用词方面）差异：
1.老外其实很喜欢创新的东西，所以，在他们的文章里极少的使用谚语、俗语，他们讨厌引经据典。比如说我们老是喜欢说'when there is a will there is a way'老外看了会很反感……
2.表示感叹的时候，我们经常会说，oh my god！实际上在欧美国家里面，只有牧师、神父之类的任务在感叹时才会这么说话，这涉及到宗教信仰。一般人表示感叹，说我的天啊的时候，一般会用：oh dear！ oh dear me! oh dear my! oh my……另外，在老外的文章里，很少出现感叹号，除非他们真的很感叹！
3.diction（措辞）在中国写书，可以随便写，因为在中国是读者负责，即作者把书写出来，读者来评价对错是非。但是在外国，写书是作者负责，那么作者就必须要证明自己的观点，所以他们不会轻易地得出这样的结论：only in this way can we ……因为这种话太过于绝对，没有论证他们是不会随便讲的。同时，他们更倾向用具体的词汇，而非笼统的词汇。比如说walk这个词，仅仅是走路，但是是快走还是慢走？正步走还是怎么个走法？这就难了，那么多的词语啊……
4.注意词语的褒贬含义，其实英文中有很多次世代褒贬色彩的，比如说childish和childlike就完全不同啦（一个是幼稚的，一个是天真无邪的，哪个是哪个我给忘了，大侠们补上啦 ）
5.不要用那些陈词滥调啦～～～如上所说的，其实老外喜欢用新东西，不喜欢用别人用过很久的，比如说，on one hand , on the other hand,老外很少说了，即是说的话，前半句也总是省掉的，还有我们经常用的，last but not the least……其实老外听到这个词，就像一个中国人跟你说“在下某某，久仰久仰……
6.数据的准确性，老外比较严谨的，我们有时候用很少、相当大之类的词语，但是他们更喜欢7个，7000万之类的数字
这些是在选词，用此方面的一些问题，我的课也刚好上到这里，以后有新的东西再告诉大家啦～～～

回楼上滴~ 词霸了下..
childish是幼稚滴
childlike是天真滴

我填一些自己目前为止积累的，从学雅思到读语言课程。
1。As time goes by...这种短语是显而易见的事实，就不用出现在essay里面了，每次写我们的coodinator都会帮我划掉
2。在academic essay里面，in my opinion,from my point of view最好不好用，因为真正的学术性论文要impersonal
3。在叙述观点的时候，用到firstly,secondly,第三点最好用next or furthermore...会更地道
4。用一些学术性词汇，比如people万恶之源，在essay里面千万不能用。pollution=contamination等等

p.s.支持这个贴，现在就是要提高词汇量和chinese-english的转变

。``请问楼上`
PEOPLE一般应该怎么样用？
是用具体的某类人代替么？

引用:

原帖由 shel 于 2008-3-31 07:29 发表
我填一些自己目前为止积累的，从学雅思到读语言课程。
1。As time goes by...这种短语是显而易见的事实，就不用出现在essay里面了，每次写我们的coodinator都会帮我划掉
2。在academic essay里面，in my opinion,f ...

同问

我很费劲的看了两段作文，那个加拿大的教授是改的地道了，但也精简了好多
把咱们煞费心思凑字数显水平的长句都给毙了
很是郁闷 ，都不敢让老外改作文，他们是不是不了解ETS的机制？？？

不是梯队成员也不是写作达人，有些以前练习时写的句子，不知道算不算典型的写作问题，放上来看看吧。

格式和LZ的一样，上面的是原句，下面是老师给改的。


-It's impossible to evaluate Edison's state according to inventions which are related to his name. Although many of his inventions have significant influences on our modern civilization, his career is far beyond all of his inventions.

It's impossible to size up Edison's position in history in the light of adding up all his inventions together associated with his name——far-reaching as many of his inventions have been on our modern civilization, his career far surpasses all his inventions themselves.


-Edison did not only make a great many of practical and simple devices, but also showed the great power of applied science through these concretly and conceivablely, thereby, changing mankind's ways of thinking and acting.

Not only did Edison create plenty of practical and simple devices, but also he demonstrated the great power of applied science concretly and convincingly, thereby changing mankind's mentality.

-All of the creations on earth living on the water which cannot be replaced. Nevertheless, there is an assumption: Mankind's basic request, whether it is drinking, industry or agriculture, will be met.

All living things on our earth depend on water, and there seems to be no substitute for it. Nevertheless, there is currently an assumption that mankind's basic need for water, whether for drink, industry or agriculture, will be met.

-The principles following are only proper for these editing dictionary institutions which proceed the first research instead of that ones which only copy current dictionaries.

The following rules apply only to the dictionary agencies where the first-hand research goes on but not to ones which copy the existing dictionaries.

-The authors of dictionaries copy some sentences which innclude common words' common usages on some cards for the first step.

The dictionary editors first copy on cards the sentences in which common usages of common words appear.

-The geological records show the creature extinction is a natural process which there are thousands of creatures disappear as not adapting the change of environment.

Geological record shows that creature extinction is a natural process in which hundreds and thousands of creature species disappeared as they could not adapt themselves to environmental change.






[ 本帖最后由 洛芝巴巴 于 2008-6-6 14:22 编辑 ]

非常受益

很多修改之前的看着就有共鸣，也许大家都有中式思维的问题

看了相应的修改真是受益匪浅

It is undisputable that whether the ability to cooperate was much more important in the past.

这句似乎缺乏英语思维的确定性呀. 能力在过去到底是不是更重要呀?要从上下文中去理解吗?

undisputable 是否应该换成indisputable