Issue 52 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society." 题目剖析:本题目是一个典型的一分为二的观点,提出孩子适应当今社会的程度决定社会命运,然而我们并不清楚如何抚养对社会有益的孩子。写好本文的关键在于将两个观点分开论述,然后再达到平衡和统一。 I find the speaker's dual claim to be specious on both counts.The claim that society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized, while appealing in some respects, is an over-statement at best. And the claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better society is poorly supported by empirical evidence. 开头段:文章首段开门见山提出论点,对题目进行分析,分别就其所包含的两方面提出自己的观点,认为前半句是over-statement,后半句poorly supported by empirical evidence.清晰明确,为下文的展开论述做出铺垫。语言直接、简洁,毫不拖泥带水。 Consider firstthe speaker's assertion that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized. I concede that unless a child is allowed sufficient opportunities for healthy interaction with peers, that child is likely to grow into an ineffectual, perhaps even an anti-sodal, adult. To witness healthy socialization in action, one need look no further than the school playground, where children learn to negotiate, cooperate, and assert themselves in a respectful manner, and where they learn about the harmful results of bullying and other anti-social behavior. These lessons help children grow up to be good citizens and effective leaders, as well as tolerant and respectful members of society. 引出文章前半句,对原句进行了很好的改写,也对其作出解释,尤其是对socialize一词,将其扩展为is allowed sufficient opportunities for healthy interaction with peers,其中的anti-sodal拼写错误。先对题目中的观点作出了让步,列举playground作为例子,以小见大,通俗易懂,深入浅出。 However,socializationis only one factor influencing the extent to whichan individual will ultimately contribute to a better society.And in my observation it is not the most important one.Consider certain prominent leaders who have contributed profoundly to a better society. Mahatma Gandhi's contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society. Martin Luther King's contribution was primarily the result of his strong religious upbringing, which had more to do with parental influence than with socialization. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, whose social and physical development were both stunted by life-threatening physical infirmities during his childhood. In spite of his isolation, odd manner and aloofness throughout his early life,Rooseveltascended to a social-activist presidency by means of his will to overcome physical infirmities, his voracious appetite for knowledge, and his raw intellect.(例证:历史人物) 在作出让步之后回到自己的观点上来,即这不是唯一的重要因素。紧接着列举历史上名人的成功事例,分量比较重。句式工整且富于变化,说服力强。作者在段尾虽然没有进行总结,但是其立场已经昭然若揭,不容质疑。排比句的运用为文章增色不少。 Consider nextthe speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better society. If we define a "better" society as one characterized by greater tolerance of differing viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, then the children of the most recent half-century are creating a better society.The most recent quarter-century has seen an increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We're becoming more sensitive to, and respectful of, the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals, and mentally- and physically-challenged individuals. The re-emergence of political third parties with decidedly libertarian ideals demonstrates an increasing concern for individual freedoms. And there is ample evidence of increasing international cooperation. The formerSoviet Unionand theU.S.have worked collaboratively in space research and exploration since the 1970s; peace-keeping missions are now largely multi-national efforts; and nations are now tackling public health problems collaboratively through joint research programs.(例证:历史事件)In short, the speaker'ssecond claim flies in the face of the empirical evidence, as I see it. 作者避开了how to raise children这个大方面,紧抓住better society这一点展开分析,将论点细化到一个方面,是值得我们借鉴的一种写作手法。并通过一系列的例证来说明现在的社会已经是在朝better society方向发展。 In sum,when it comes towhether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factor--such as a seminal childhood event, parental influence, raw intelligence, or personal conviction. And, while reasonable people with differing political and social viewpoints might disagree about what makes for a "better" society, in my observation our society is steadily evolving into a more civilized, respectful, and tolerant one.In the final analysis, then,I fundamentally disagree with both aspects of the speaker's dual claim. 结尾段:结尾归纳总结,又对前面的论述进行了补充,兼顾两个方面,最后形成平衡和统一。
备注:加粗字体为模式化句型,绿色字体为例证。
|